SMS, jokes and more fun stuff

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Some nice jokes...

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed.......
u....
R....
always....
a HEADACHE to me !!!!



When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!



If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage



During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit
on the
horse
?
He is given his last chance to run away.



Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a
fool............



I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............
i got a HEART ATTACK



The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too
much, fell
into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really
works!"



LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in
ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers



ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best



True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow




Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ........pick d phone idiot



Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change
it to
exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !




The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....until you fall in
love



SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards



A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..



History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26
sir....



Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the
class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age Fu** Killer commited suicide
 
Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced outn pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When theking explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples."
 
fresh sms's - really funny.......

Sharab ek bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatm kar deti hai aao milkar
is bimari ko khatm Karen ek botal tum khatm karo ek botal hum khatm
Karen.

*****************************************************************

2 Dost Suicide karne gae, Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari
nafrat de Pareshani de Duk de!" Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha
hai ki Reliance mai Job.

*****************************************************************

Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other
ensures U
Continue to do so.

*****************************************************************

Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne
Flag
Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

*****************************************************************

How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.

*****************************************************************

A Chinese pair accidentally had twins without getting married, Guess
what they named them... Jo Hua, So Hua.

*****************************************************************

Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ...?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

*****************************************************************



Sardar: O Banno Car ki speed itani ky badha di..? biwi: Oji Car ki
break
fail ho gayi hai, Exident ho jaye iske pahale ghar pahunch jaate hai.

*****************************************************************

A Sardar is sitting on The Top of the Mountain and studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
*****************************************************************

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

*****************************************************************

Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

*****************************************************************

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.

*****************************************************************

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.

*****************************************************************

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions

*****************************************************************

Man before Marriage I like Airtel...."Aisi Azaadi Aur Kahaan"

After Marriage He's Like Hutch... " Where R U Go Our Network
Follows."

*****************************************************************

Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour ,
Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey.
Santa : Oh, I Thought it was its Skin...!!!

*****************************************************************
 
A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
This is funny read on........

On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:
"Bring me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded:"You fool; you've dialed the wrong
extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back: "And do you know who YOU are talking to, you
IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put down the phone
 
it is a bit long...but interesting.....though i dont think it to be real....u all deceide...what it is...

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had never heard
of
this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an admission
into
it.What happened is - due to cricket world cup I
scored badly in 12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college. But my
father
said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not invest so much of
money".(The
baap actually said - "I will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya he he he...

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete your
engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But you know,
these cricket matches and football world cup, and tennis tournaments..It is difficult to concentrate.. So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took 4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I will try to keep
this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good, thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be banned.

Candidate: No, no.. I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never thought I would
complete it. In fact, when i flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for
me in BEST(Bus corporation in Maharashtra) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower' education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms have you
worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my current platform.
Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have experience of different platforms!

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet in German,
French, Russian and many other languages he he he...

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a higher version
than VB. I heard very soon they are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.

Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of the times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd. Since joining
BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining BIL, I used to
think that Bench was another software like Windows he he he..

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult.
I know Word and Excel.
I can talk a lot. I know how to dial for International phone call and use
speaker facility. And very important - I know few words like
-'Showstoppers',
'hotfixes', 'SEI-CMM', 'quality','version control','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.

2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not have
deadlines.
I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.

3. I believe in flexi-timings.

4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I
would like to wear t-shirt and jeans.

5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest
wednesday off also, so as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.

6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term preferably 1-2
months)
assignments.
Personally I prefer US,Australia and Europe. But considering the fact that
there
is a world cup in West Indies in 2007,I don't mind going there in that
period.
As you can see I am modest and don't have many expectations.
So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization.
In fact I was never entertained so much before.
Welcome to TCS.)
We look forward to working with you..
 
Sardar Board College Examination

Instructions:
a) All questions carry marks. TIME:-3 HOURS I.S.T
b) Use your own brain once you find it. Marks: (Strictly Confidential)
c) Sleeping is not allowed during the exam.
d) Drinking is prohibited during the exam.
e) Weapons are not allowed in the exam hall.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. Write your name in less than 20 letters and 20 minutes
(only alphabets are allowed, no numeric digits or “_” allowed)

2. Sex? ( ) Male ( ) Female ( ) Sardar ( ) Occasionally

3. What’s your age group? ( ) less than 0 ( ) equal to 0 ( ) greater than 0

4. If you have one brother, how many brothers does he have?
( ) None ( ) Twelve ( ) Question is too personal

5. If the time is 3.00 AM, what does your digital show?

6. If A=B and B=C then is B=A? ( ) True ( ) False ( ) Out of syllabus

7. If you eat lunch during lunch time, what will you eat during dinner-time?
( ) Lunch ( ) Breakfast ( ) Midnight Snack

8. Think and write the present tense of THOUGHT.

9. This is question number: ( ) 1 ( ) 19 ( ) 20 ( ) can’t count

10. If 2+3=5 is 3+2=5? ( ) Impossible ( ) Forgot to bring my calculator

11. Write the full form of ASAP, as soon as possible?

12. What is the capital of India? ( ) India ( ) INDia ( ) INDIA

13. “a,e,i,o,u” are collectively called vowels. What are “e,a,u,o,i” called?

14. What comes first? ( )Egg ( ) Hen ( ) Omelet

15. Can you count more than five using your one hands finger? ( ) Yes

16. To reach the 12th floor of a skyscraper, how many buttons would you press in the elevator?
( ) 12 ( ) 12x3=36 ( ) I’ll take the stairs

17. Have you used a computer? ( ) May be, I don’t remember. ( ) What’s a computer?

18. Where does the sun go at night?
( ) To bed ( ) To a nightclub ( ) It’s there only, but due to darkness we can’t see it
( ) Haven’t followed to see where it goes ( ) Ask the sun itself.

19. Complete the following series: 1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,_,_,_,_.

20. Did you reach the last question of the paper?( )Yes ( )No ( )I don’t want to think extra.
 
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