paradise_fan
Paradise Fan
Management thoughts/quo0tes
Here are some Quotes/thoughts/ sayings about mgt and from mgt guru's.
Have a look,its beneficial for you.
Let me start....
Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.
~Walter Chrysler
Funny Management Word Problems
Thirty-five employees take diversity training once a week for one month. Assuming 11 employees refuse to attend, 19 fall asleep during at least two of the sessions, and three forget everything they learned, what is your ROI?
On the first casual Friday, Rachel leaves 40 inches of skin on her body exposed. Each week, she decides to expose an extra five inches in addition to the 40. (On the Fridays before holidays, however, she exposes an extra seven). How long before she's coming to work naked?
A real-live human being is available to speak with you at your HMO if you call within a 47-second period each day. When this period occurs depends on the number of other callers during that day. Assuming your city's population is 1.5 million, and 1/3 are covered under a managed care plan, and 16% of those covered are covered by the same plan as yours, what are the odds you won't get voice mail?
Jeanne works 13 hours per day for eight weeks straight. Assuming your EAP charges you at a rate of $.50 per phone call, what will your added costs be after the two months are up?
According to your recent audit, employees spend 11% of their time researching sports online; 4% researching stocks; 28% e-mailing friends; 2% downloading pornography; and 58% of their time at Ebay®. How many Gigabytes will your computer network need to be in order to house company data?
You are considering instituting a zero-tolerance policy on drugs. At the same time, you have 50 new applicants originating from Woodstock '99. How many can you expect to pass the background check?
Josh is working as independent contractor, selling your company's training CDs in Cincinnati, which is located in Ohio, Kentucky and Indiana. Given this information, how many federal and state laws are you likely to break? Please choose one:
Less than 350
350-500
500-3 million
There is no indispensable man
There is no indispensable man
Sometimes when you're feeling important,
Sometimes when your ego's in bloom,
Sometimes when you take it for granted
you're the best qualified in the room,
Sometimes when you feel that your going
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how humble your soul :
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to the wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining
Is a measure of how you'll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop and you'll find that in no time
It looks quite the same as before.
The moral of this quaint example
Is do just the best that you can.
Be proud of yourself but remember,
There's no indispensable man.
~Source :- Management Thoughts by Promod Batra and Vijay batra
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 each," says Green.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."
Does Management know their Staff?
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!"
management say's if u fail 1000 times.. dont cry.. becoz now u get 1000 strategy to success.......
Here are some Quotes/thoughts/ sayings about mgt and from mgt guru's.
Have a look,its beneficial for you.
Let me start....
Whenever there is a hard job to be done I assign it to a lazy man; he is sure to find an easy way of doing it.
~Walter Chrysler
Funny Management Word Problems
Thirty-five employees take diversity training once a week for one month. Assuming 11 employees refuse to attend, 19 fall asleep during at least two of the sessions, and three forget everything they learned, what is your ROI?
On the first casual Friday, Rachel leaves 40 inches of skin on her body exposed. Each week, she decides to expose an extra five inches in addition to the 40. (On the Fridays before holidays, however, she exposes an extra seven). How long before she's coming to work naked?
A real-live human being is available to speak with you at your HMO if you call within a 47-second period each day. When this period occurs depends on the number of other callers during that day. Assuming your city's population is 1.5 million, and 1/3 are covered under a managed care plan, and 16% of those covered are covered by the same plan as yours, what are the odds you won't get voice mail?
Jeanne works 13 hours per day for eight weeks straight. Assuming your EAP charges you at a rate of $.50 per phone call, what will your added costs be after the two months are up?
According to your recent audit, employees spend 11% of their time researching sports online; 4% researching stocks; 28% e-mailing friends; 2% downloading pornography; and 58% of their time at Ebay®. How many Gigabytes will your computer network need to be in order to house company data?
You are considering instituting a zero-tolerance policy on drugs. At the same time, you have 50 new applicants originating from Woodstock '99. How many can you expect to pass the background check?
Josh is working as independent contractor, selling your company's training CDs in Cincinnati, which is located in Ohio, Kentucky and Indiana. Given this information, how many federal and state laws are you likely to break? Please choose one:
Less than 350
350-500
500-3 million
There is no indispensable man
There is no indispensable man
Sometimes when you're feeling important,
Sometimes when your ego's in bloom,
Sometimes when you take it for granted
you're the best qualified in the room,
Sometimes when you feel that your going
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions
And see how humble your soul :
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to the wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining
Is a measure of how you'll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop and you'll find that in no time
It looks quite the same as before.
The moral of this quaint example
Is do just the best that you can.
Be proud of yourself but remember,
There's no indispensable man.
~Source :- Management Thoughts by Promod Batra and Vijay batra
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 each," says Green.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."
Does Management know their Staff?
On walking into the factory, the MD noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.
He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2 000.00 a month, Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his wallet and removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said, "Around here I pay people for working, not for standing around looking pretty! Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".
The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner, "And that applies for everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man that I just fired?"
To which an amazing reply came of, "He was the pizza delivery man, Sir...!"
management say's if u fail 1000 times.. dont cry.. becoz now u get 1000 strategy to success.......