Arena of PJ's and shayari's

Bfore n After marraige..........



Before Marriage - Agar Tum Na Hote :(
After Marriage - Agar Tum Na Hote :)

Before Marriage - Maine Pyar Kiya :)
After Marriage - Ye Maine Kya Kiya? :(

Before Marriage - Kuch Kuch Hota Hai :)
After Marriage - Kuch Nahi Hota Hai :(

Before Marriage - Dil To Pagal Hai :)
After Marriage - Dil To Pagal Tha :(

Before Marriage - Ek Duje Ke Liye :)
After Marriage - Sirf Bachcho Ke Liye :(

Before Marriage - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge :)
After Marriage - Baaki Log Sukhi Ho Jayenge :(

Before Marriage - Chandramukhi :)
After Marriage - Jwaalamukhi :(

Before Marriage - Kuwara Baap :)
After Marriage - Bechara Baap :(

Before Marriage - Titanic :)
After Marriage - Mortgage :(

Before Marriage - Hum Aapke Hai Koun? :)
After Marriage - Barbadi Ka Kaaran :(

Before Marriage - Yes Boss :)
After Marriage - Yes Boss :(

Before Marriage - Mere Sapno Ki Rani :)
After Marriage - Chutki Ki Amma :(

Before Marriage - Kabhi Kabhi :)
After Marriage - If you are lucky :(

Before Marriage - Aao Pyar Karen :)
After Marriage - Aur Bhi Kuch Kaam Karen? :(

Before Marriage - Hum Apke Hain :)
Shaadi he baad - Hum Apke Hai Koun? :(
 
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"


The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until she hears you."


He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner. Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for dinner, honey?" Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her and repeated the question. Still no reply, so he moved to five feet. Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?"


She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
 
Jo hukum karta hai woh iltejaa bhi karta hai...
Yeh Aasman bhi jaake kahin pe jhukta hai'
Tu agar bewafa hai to yeh buri khabar bhi sun le..
Mera intezaar koi aur bhi kartaa hai...

............ ......... ......... .....





Dil mein ek dard liye jiye ja raha hoon,
Teri mohabbat ka jaam piye ja rahan hoon,

Na chahte huye bhi ye kaam kiye jaa raha hoon,
Na jane khud ko kaun si manzil par liye ja raha hoon.

............ ......... ......... .....





Teri judai bhi hamein pyaar karti hai,
Teri yaad bahut bekrar karti hai,

Woh din jo tere sath guzare the,
Talash unko nazar bar bar karti hai.

............ ......... ......... .....





Agar jindagi mein judai na hoti,
Toh kabhi kisi ki yaad aayi na hoti,

Sath gujara hota har lamha,
Toh sayad risto mein itani gahrai na hoti.
 
Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.


1. Men are like . .... Laxatives . ..... They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.

4. Men are like . Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ..... . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like .... . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ... Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men are like ........... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.

13. Men are like P arking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.


Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, fun kinda guys you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!
 
A young man went to his grandfather's place to stay for the weekend.

He was sitting down to lunch when he noticed that the spoons and forks were encrusted in a thin filmy substance.


He asked his grandfather,"Are you sure you washed it properly?"

"As clean as cold water can get it" was the reply.

So the young man shrugged and started eating.


The next day at breakfast he noticed that the plates were dirty and grimy. It also smelled a bit like dog.

Are you sure you washed it properly?"

"Clean as cold water can get it" was the reply again.

The man, a bit suspicious for his health, looked at his grandfather, than at his plate and started eating.


As he was leaving, his grandfather's dog jumped out in front of him, growled and generally blocked him from going forward.

"Cold water, leave the poor boy alone!" shouted the old man from inside.
 
Koshish Kijiye Hame Yaad Karne Ki
Lamhe To Apne Aap Hi Mil Jayenge
Tamanna Kijiye Hame Milne Ki
Bahane To Apne Aap Hi Mil Jayenge.

............ ......... ......... ......... ........





Badi muddat se chaha hai tumhe
Badi duaaon se paya hai tumhe
Thuje bhulane ka sochu bhi kaise,
Kismat ki lakiroon se churaya hai tumhe

............ ......... ......... ......... ........





Badalna aata nahi humko mousmo ki tarah
Har ek roop main tera intezaar karte hain
Na tum samet sakogi jise qayamat tak
Kasam tumhari tumhe itna pyar karte hain.

............ ......... ......... ......... ........





Log kehte hain ke ishq itna mat karo,
Ke husn sar pe sawar ho jaaye,
Hum kehte hain ke ishq itna karo,
Ke patthar dil ko bhi tumse pyaar ho jaye……



............ ......... ......... ......... ........
 
G8 saying on marraige!!!!

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.

That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.

David Bissonette

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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Gui try

*********

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Hemant Joshi

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By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

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Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas

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The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud

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"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."

Sam Kinison

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"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."

James Holt McGavran

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"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray

*********
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield

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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Milton Berle

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Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Anonymous

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First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Anonymous
:SugarwareZ-191:



************
 
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee was sitting by the side of the ocean.

It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, how about playing Weeweechu".

"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.

"Oh c'mon baby, lets you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's a perfect time," Huan Cho begged.

"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."

"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."

Jung Lee looked at Huan Cho and said, "Ok, we'll play Weeweechu".....

*

*

*

*

*

Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang..... "Weeweechu a melly Christmas, Weeweechu a melly Christmas, Weeweechu a melly Christmas, and a happy New Year."
 
Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai,
Kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai,

Humein aap yun hi sharabi na kahiye,
Is dil par asar to aap se mulakat ka hai

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ........





Ek takdir si najar aati hai,
Ek janjir si najar aati hai

Aakhir kitaab me padhe bhi to kya padhe,
Her panne pe teri tasveer nazar aati hai

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ........





Raaz dil ka dil mein chupate hai woh,
Samne aate hi nazar jhukate hai woh,

Baat karte nahi, ya hoti nahi,
Par shukar hai jab bhi milte hai muskurate hai woh.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ........





Ek hi tamanna hai is fakir ke paas'
Meri taswir lagaana apni taswir ke paas'

Jab log dekhe use to ye kahe 'dekho..
Raanjha kaise baitha hai apni Heer ke paas.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ........
 
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.

**********
Marriage is a threering circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

**********
For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake.

***********
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and after marriage.

**********
Why were hurricanes usually named after women? Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car

**********
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

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Reason Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: All the DNA is the same.

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I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?

**********
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45 minutes." They were seated immediately.

**********
The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

**********
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down he aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.

As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

**********
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man." Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives." Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"

**********
Smith climbs to the top of Mt.Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?" The Lord replies, "In a minute."

**********
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy What do you think I should do?"

"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

**********
John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last request, dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly. "Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob." "But I thought you hated Bob," she said. With his last breath John said, "I do!"

**********
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison."
 
Ballo Prasad Yadav came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife, Rabri, with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

"Was it my friend Banta", he demanded.

"No !" his weeping wife replied.

"Was it my friend Ramta then?" he asked.

"No !!!" she said even more upset.

"Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked.

"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" Rabri snapped.
 
Kuchh beete hue lamho se mulakat hui
Kuchh tute hue sapno se baat hui
Yaad jo karne baithe un tamam yado ko
To aapki hi yaado se shuruat hui

............ ......... ......... ......... .





UNHE KISSA-E-GAM SUNATE SUNATE
KATI RAATEIN AANSU BAHATE BAHATE

KAHI BUJH NA JAYE CHIRAAG-E-TAMANNA
CHIRAAG-E-MOHABBAT JALAATE JALAATE

KISSI KO KHABAR HI NAHI LUT GAYAA HU
MOHABBAT KI DUNIYA BASATE BASAATE

KEHDE KOI UNSE.....
WO KHUD BAAZ AAYE APNE SITAM SE
HUM THAK GAYE HAIN MANATE MANATE.

............ ......... ......... ......... .





Jo hukum karta hai woh iltejaa bhi karta hai...
Yeh Aasman bhi jaake kahin pe jhukta hai'
Tu agar bewafa hai to yeh buri khabar bhi sun le..
Mera intezaar koi aur bhi kartaa hai...



............ ......... ......... ......... .
 
Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused.

All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally
President and CEO

Wal-Mart Complaint Department

------------ --------- --------- ----

MEMO

Mr. Bill Fenton

Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse/partner is shopping:

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1. June 15:

Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

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2. July 2:

Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

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3. July 7:

Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

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4. July 19:

Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in homewares... .. and watched what happened.

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5. August 4:

Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

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6. September 14:

Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

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7. September 15:

Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows fromthe bedding department.

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8. September 23:

When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

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9. October 4:

Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

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10. November 10:

While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

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11. December 3:

Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

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12. December 6:

In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

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13. December 18:

Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

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14. December 21:

When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

*********

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23:

Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"






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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas... The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.
 
Mehfil na sahi tanhai to milti hai...
Milan na sahi judai to milti hai...

Kaun kehta hai mohabbat mein kuch nahi milta...
Wafa na sahi bewafai to milti hai...

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Gujare the jo lamhe tere sath,
Talash unhe yeh nazar bar bar karti hai,
Gum nahi jo kismat ne juda kar diya,
Teri judai bhi to hamse pyar karti hai.

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Usko chaha bhi to izhaar karna na aaya,
Kat gayi umr saari hamein pyar karna na aaya.

Usne manga bhi agar kuch to judai mangi,
Aur hamein inkar karna bhi na aaya!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......





Ik zara si bhool khata ban gayi,
Meri vafai hi meri saza ban gai,
Dil liya aur khel kar tod diya,
Hamari jaan gai unki adaa ban gai.



............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
 
2 Lovers plan to suicide.

Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind.

Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..





A gorgeous girl walks up 2 a a professor's cabin and says I will do anything 2 pass in the exam.
Professor: anything ! ?

Girl: ya
Prof: open your books and study.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..





May God increase ur happiness like prices of petrol,

And decrease sorrows like clothes of Bipasha Basu

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ..





Teacher: (1)There is a frog, (2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then, what is my age?
STUDENT: 32 yrs.

Teacher: How do you know?
STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.:SugarwareZ-191:
 
Modern Panchtantra Story




Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), he started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

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Moral :If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.:SugarwareZ-191:
 
SOME LOGICIAL THOUGHTS and STATEMENTS





Whenever you find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
_____

To Err is human, but to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.
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The road to success??.. Is always under construction.
_____

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
_____

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you have ability to repay back.
_____

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.
_____

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.
_____

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works.
_____

If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
_____

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.
_____

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.
_____

42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot.
_____

As soon as you mention something?? If it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.
_____

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.
_____

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? The bus is still late.
_____

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.
_____

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.
_____

If you have paper, you don't have a pen. If you have a pen, you don't have paper. If you have both, no one calls.
_____

Especially for engg. Students : If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.
_____

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.
_____

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.
_____

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.
_____

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.
_____

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker
_____

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide whether you need more.
_____

There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
_____

An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
_____

Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
_____

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
_____

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
_____

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
_____

Well done is better than well said .
_____

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
_____

Where there is a WILL, there is a WAY, Where there is MONEY, there are many WAYS.
_____

Where there is MONEY, there are many FRIENDS and RELATIVES.
_____

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
_____
 
Worst 'PJ' ever:

Donald had a fight with Mickey n banged him against the wall.

Mickey began writing RAMAYANA !!
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Why ??.
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Because he had become - " Wallmicky "
 
Jin raahun pe ek umer tery sath rahi hun..
kuch roz se wo rasty sunsaan boht hen..,

Mil jaao kbhi lot k phr aaun naa shayad,
Kamzor hun rasty main toofaan boht hen..

ek tum he nhin meri judaai main preshaan..
Main b to teri chah main veeraan bht hun..

Ek tark-e-wafaa pe tmhen kaisy bhulaa dun..
mujh per abi tmhary ehsaan bht hen..

Bhar jaayen naa anhken to main ek baat bataaun..
ab tujh se bichar jaany k imkaan bht hen...
 
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