Arena of PJ's and shayari's

This is the most funny i have ever read!!!!!!




A School Master from a remote rural area in Bihar was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing...

_________

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.

He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!"


Yours awfully,
yadav
:bigsmile::SugarwareZ-191:
 
Why INDIA is in trouble?

Why INDIA is in trouble ??? & Who will Bringout it from Trouble ??

Population: 100 crore
9 crore retired

30 crore in state Govt;
17 crore in central Govt.
(Both categories don't work)

1 crore IT professional (don't work for India )

25 crore in school

1 crore are under 5 years

15 crore unemployed

1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals

Statistics says u find 79,99,998 people anytime in jail

The Balance two are U & Me.

U are busy " checking Mails /sending fwds.. "..!!

HOW CAN I HANDLE INDIA alone?

SO I NEEDS SUPPORT OF ALL OF YOU TO BRING IT ON TOP...:)
 
For all enggggggg.

Female Software Programming ( Computer Humor )


Struct female_professional s
{double styles;
Short skirts;
Long time_to_understand_ problems;float mind;
Void knowledge;
Char non_co-operative; }


Struct married_females
{double weight;
Short tempered;
Long gossip;
Float hopes;
Void word;
Char unstable;}




Struct engaged_females
{double time_on_phone;
Short attention_on_ work;
Long boast;
Float on_cloud_nine;
Void understanding;
Char edgy;}


Struct newly_married_ females
{double dinner_invitation;
Short time_at_work;
Long lunch_break;
Void bank_balance;
Char hen_pecked;}


Struct husband_wife_ professionals
{double income;
Short tempered;
Long time_no_see_ each_other;
Void love_life;
Char money_making; }


Struct beautiful_city_ girl
{double boyfriends;
Short affairs;
Long stories;
Void greymatter;
Char flirt;}


Struct old_lady
{double chin;
Short memory;
Long sighs ;
Void attention_from_ men;
Char chatterbox;}
 
A friend is not a spare tyre that u pull out when u feel life has gone flat.

Friend is the steering wheel who helps u to turn ur life in the right path.

............ ......... ......... ...







Gud relationship is like a tree.

It demands attention & care in d beginning.

But once it blossoms, it provides shade & protecting in all situations of Life

............ ......... ......... ...





I kept ur name in my Journal & posted u in the Ledger of my heart.

U'll b classified as an Asset, coz ur market value as a friend never Depriciate!

............ ......... ......... ...





The wrong kind of people dislike u for the gud in u & the right kind of people like u knowing even the bad in u...

That makes a gud Relationship!
 
Really read this once!!!

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Some Company.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed."

He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.

He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email".

The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Some Company!"
 
VERY OFFICIAL LOVE LETTER!!!! :)



To
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.


Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)
 
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab .

Local Sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more…

............ ......... ......... ......... .......





I want u 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me.
U cry, I cry.
U laugh.. I laugh.
U jump out of d window..
I look down n then.. I laugh again.. Hahaha



............ ......... ......... ......... .......





Groucho: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs. Smith: Yes, thirteen.

Groucho: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?

Mrs. Smith: Well, I love my husband.
Groucho: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

............ ......... ......... ......... .......





A Toilet is like a committee meeting.

People come with lot of pressure, sit, create a lot of noise, and ultimately DROP THE MATTER.
 
100 cool thing's about a GUY!!!

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.

3. You know stuff about tanks.

4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

5. Monday Night Football.

6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.

7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.

8. You can open all of your own jars.

9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.

10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.

11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.

12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

13. All your orgasms are real.

14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.

15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you ... unless you're playing hockey.

16. You don't have to lug a bag full of stuff around everywhere you go.

17. You understand why the movie "Stripes" is funny.

18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.

19. Your last name stays put.

20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.

21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.

22. You can kill your own food.

23. The garage is all yours.

24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

25. You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."

26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.

27. You never have to clean a toilet.

28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.

29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.

30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

33. The National College Cheerleading Championship

34. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.

35. You don't have to shave below your neck.

36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.

37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.

38. You can write your name in the snow.

39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.

40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.

41. Chocolate is just another snack.

42. You can be president.

43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

44. Flowers fix everything.

45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.

46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.

47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.

48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.

49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.

50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

51. Foreplay is optional.

52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.

53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.

54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.

56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.

57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

58. You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.

59. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking, "He must be mad at me."

60. The world is your urinal.

61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.

62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.

63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

64. One mood, all the time.

65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because "this one's just too gross."

67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.

69. Same work...more pay!

70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.

71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.

72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.

73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back.

74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.

75. You don't mooch off of other's desserts.

76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.

78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

79. ESPN's SportsCenter.

80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.

82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.

83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.

84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.

85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.

86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."

88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.

89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.

90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.

92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.

93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.

94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.

95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.

96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.

97. Not liking a person won't stop you from having great sex with them.

98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"

99. Baywatch

100. There's always a game on somewhere.
 
Cheat and love But dont love and cheat...

Think and love But dont love and think..

Break the heart and love But dont love and then break the Heart.....

............ ......... ......... ......... ......





Losing the person u love hurts.
Some people say u will get over it easily

But its really tough especially
When the one u loved was the ONLY one u EVER loved.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......





Sapno ki tarha aakar chali gayi
Apno ko bhula kar chali gayi

Kis bhool ki saja di
Usne pahele hasaya pir rula kar chali gayi

............ ......... ......... ......... ......





Yun to kehte hai log bewfa humein par humse ki bewfai aapne,
Din raat apse milne ke liye tadpte rahe badle mein di judaai aapne,

Zindgi bhar na bujha payenge hum dil mein jo aag lagayi aapne,
Kabhi muj se mille they tum dost banker kya khub dosti nibhai aapne.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......
 
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.




Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"




So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"








The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."




Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.




Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."







And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"







To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."







**********
 
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.


Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!


There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.



There is, however, a catch. ... You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!





So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. .


On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


*********

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.


*********

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.


"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


*********

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"


*********

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:


*********

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!


*********
 
IF YOU DESIRE TO BLOSSOM LIKE A ROSE IN THE GARDEN,

FIRST LEARN THE ART OF ADJUSTING WITH THORNS



............ ......... ......... ......... ....





Walking through life

Contrary to popular belief,

The great men are not born great.

God uses trials and turmoil to make them great!

............ ......... ......... ......... ....







PRAYER is not a spare wheel, that you pull out when you are in trouble. USE it as a steering WHEEL, that keep you on RIGHT path through out the life.

............ ......... ......... ......... ....







LIFE IS NO WHERE - can be read as - LIFE IS NOW HERE.
 
10 Most Romantic Tips




1. Spread rose petals all over the bedroom.


*********

2. What could be more classic than a fine gold locket with your photo inside? (Maybe a photo of the two of you.)


*********

3. Bring home one small, unexpected gift each week.


*********


4. Write a classic, romantic, passionate, handwritten, heartfelt love letter. Most adults haven't written a love letter since high school. (Why not? Have we lost our youthful idealism, or have we just gotten lazy?)


*********

5. When traveling, give your partner a bouquet of roses; one rose for each day that you'll be away. Attach a note that says something like this: "These three roses represent the three days I'll be away from you. They also symbolize the love, joy, and laughter we share together."


*********

6.Say "I love you" at least one times a day.


*********

7. Guys: Surprise her by performing one of her chores for her. (And not something easy like carrying the groceries in from the car, but something that requires some time and effort -- like cooking all the meals over a weekend, or cleaning the entire house.)


*********

8. Ladies: Send him a letter sealed with a kiss. (Use your reddest lipstick.)


*********

9. Hold hands.


*********

10. On your yearly romantic checklist, make plans for Valentine's Day -- well in advance!
 
Thief with knife: tera paisa nikaal!
Man:do you know who i am? I am a politician.
Thief: accha ? To phir mera paisa nikaal....!

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........





Ek yug tha jab log ghar ke dwar par likhte the ATITHI DEVO BHAVA
Phir likha SHUB LAABH
Fir likha UR WELCOME
Aur ab
KUTTE SE SAAWDHAN.

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........





Jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
Jab tum angdayi leti ho tho mera dum nikal jata hai
Arey thoda deodrant lagane main tera kya jata hai:)

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .........





Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...
Woh hamari gali me aaye...

Aur chillake bole.....

Paper Raddi wala !!!!!
 
Beggar strategy!!!

Ahmed and Hamid are both beggars at several motorway services in England.

Ahmed drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend .

Hamid only brings in 2 to 3 pounds a day. Hamid asks Ahmed how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day.


Ahmed says, "Look at your sign. It says, "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support."

Britons who see that do not feel as if they have accomplished anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign."


So Hamid looks up and Ahmed's sign reads: "I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan "
 
Bahut khubsurat hai yeh sath tumhara,
Bana dijiye isse kismat hamari,
Use aur kya chahiye duniya me,
Mil gayi ho jise dosti tumhari....

............ ......... ........





Dost kabhi dosto se khafaa nahi hote..
Mil jaye dil to kabhi juda nahi hote
Bhula dena meri kamiyon ko.
Kyu ki insan kabhi khuda nahi hote....

............ ......... ........





Dosti naam hai sukh dukh ki kahani ka
Dosti raaz hai sada muskura ne ka

Ye koi pal bhar ki pehchan nahi
Dosti naam hai umar bhar sath nibhane ka

............ ......... ........





Dost tera bahut sahara hai,
Warna is duniya mein kaun hamara hai,
Log marte hai maut aane par,
Hamay to aapke dosti ne mara hai..
 
Two lawyers, Jon and Amanpreet, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Amanpreet a $50 bet. Amanpreet agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Amanpreet is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.


''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Amanpreet secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.


''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''


''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''


''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''
 
Yeh mat sochna ke bhool jayenge tumhe,
Door rehkar bhi bahut chahenge tumhe,

Agar dost bankar raas na aaye,
To bhoot bankar darayenge tumhe.

............ ......... ......... ......... .....







Maussam bada behal hai
Sur hai na tall hai
Msg box bhi kangaal hai,
Kya aapki msg factory mein bhi hadtaal hai?

............ ......... ......... ......... .....







Reh reh kar mujh ko to bas ek hi khayal aata hai....
Reh reh kar mujh ko to bas ek hi khayal aata hai....
Woh kambakht na jane kaunse sabun se nahata hai!!

............ ......... ......... ......... .....







Kya aap confidence se chalte hai...

Kya aap penalty bharte hai...

Kya aap mobile ke bill se darte hai...

To aap sms kyon nahi karte hai?...

............ ......... ......... ......... .....
 
How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)

1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.


2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain


3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal

SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.


4. HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.

SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.


5. HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.

SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.


6. HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.

SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.


7. The boss criticised HIM.
He'll prove his performance.

The boss criticized HER.
She'll be very upset.


8. HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?

SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?


9. HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.

SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.


10. HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.

SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.


11. HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.

SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?



12. HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.

SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.
 
Yeh raat itni tanha kyun hoti hai,
Kismat se apni sabko sikayat kyun hoti hai,
Ajeeb khel khelti hai yeh kismat
Jise hum pah nahi sakte usi se mohabbat kyun hoti hai.

............ ......... ......... .....





Har phool ki ajab kahani hai,
Chup rehna bhi pyar ki nishani hai,
Kahi koi zakhm nahi phir bhi kyu yeh ehsas hai,
Lagta hai dil ka ek tukda aj bhi us ke paas hai.

............ ......... ......... .....





Har khamoshi ka matlab inkaar nahi hota,
Har nakamyabi ka matlab haar nahi hota.
Toh kya huwa agar hum tume na pasake,
Sirf paane ka matlab pyar nahi hota.

............ ......... ......... .....





EHSAAS BAHUT HOGA JAB CHOR KE JAYENGE
ROENGE BAHUT MAGAR AANSOO NAHI AAYENGE
JAB SAATH KOI NA DE TOW AWAAZ HAME DENA
AASMA PAR HONGE TOW BHI LAUT KA AAYENGE
 
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