A JOkE A DAY keeps tension away!!

One train which was going peacefully on the
rail-tracks
suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the
fields nearby
and then came back on the tracks.
The passengers were horrified. On the next Railway
station the
driver was caught : He was found to be a Sardar .
He was questioned . He explained that there
was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving
from there even after lots of honks etc .
Then authorities questioned : Sardarji are you mad!
just to
save life of one person you put life of so many
passengers
under danger.You should have overran that person .
Sardar said : Exactly, that is what i also decided,
but this idiot
started running towards the field when the train came
very close
 
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes
to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket
number. The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the
rest spread out for the next 19 weeks.
" The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right
now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained
that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest
during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look,
I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20
lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"
 
yo buddy atleast koi to pad raha he mere jokes ko...he he i thought mae ese hi time pass maar raha hun.......he he he again
 
There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
 
bonddonraj said:
yo buddy atleast koi to pad raha he mere jokes ko...he he i thought mae ese hi time pass maar raha hun.......he he he again
Click to expand...
nahi yaar, u r doing an awesome in all the sections!! Keep it up.... i love ur section BOND DON RAJ talks too....

nice going....
 
bonddonraj said:
There were these three guys. They had been walking for 3 days and were very tired. They found a hotel, rented a room and went to sleep. Then, this old guy comes in out of nowhere, and says there is a magic pool just outside their hotel room. He tells them "Ok, you must jump off the diving board, and yell out what you wanna land in."

So the three guys go over to the pool. The first guy, a vegetarian, yells out "Bananas!" and lands in a pool of bananas. The second guy was money hungry and yelled out "Money!" and lands in a pile of money. The third guy jumps, when a bird shits on his head, and he yells "Oh Shit!"
Click to expand...
wow......... that was some really disgusting wish....... :pound::pound::pound:
 
what we have learnt from hollywood

1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.

2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a convincing accent will do.

3) All apartments in Paris overlook the Eiffel tower.

4) Most lap top computers are powerful enough to override a bank security system or the communication system of an invading alien civilization.

5) Every single person in martial arts Film has a black belt in karate.

6) When staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

7) 1 man shooting at 20 men has more chance of hitting them than 20 men shooting at 1 man if he is the hero.

8) During a police investigation it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.

9) Large studio-type apartments in big cities are affordable by single people with a low wage.

10) The entire British population lives in London.

11) It doesn't matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight; your enemies will attack you one at a time while the others dance around you menacingly.

12) In musicals everyone you meet in the street will know all the words to the songs and the steps to the dances.

13) When captured by an evil international terrorist, guns are not necessary to defeat them, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
 
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey.

He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "Thatll be $5000."

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did it cost so much?"

The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That ones even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that ones a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I havent actually seen it do anything, but rest of the monkeys call it the Project Manager."
 
One day Lord shiva decided to visit the earth and try some alcohol.

So he changed his get-up and went to a bar in Delhi and asked the bartender: "What all do u have".

Bartender: "We have whisky, rum, vodka, gin, beer etc etc."

Lord Shiva: "Let's try whisky first. Give me 5 bottles of whisky". After having 5 bottles of whisky, Lord shiva decided to try Rum.

Bartender was shocked: "Who is this man, after having 5 bottles of whisky, he is still on his feet".

After having 5 bottles of Rum, Shiva decided to have beer. After having 40 bottles of beer, he asked the bartender for Gin.

Bartender couldn't stop himself asking him: "Sir, who are you?? I have seen people getting drunk after having 4 glasses of whisky, and you've almost had 50 bottles and you are still on your feet, who are you"???

Lord Shiva: "VATS, Hum Bhagwaan Shiv hain".

Bartender: AB CHADHI ISKO !!!
 
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, “Lord, grant me one wish.”

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”

The man said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.”

The Lord said, “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, one that would honor and glorify me.”

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent
treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing’, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

After a few minutes God said, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”


What say??
 
ek addmi ne sardarji ko poocha. public ne apko kyun mara?

Sardar: Bus mein mera photo gir gaya. maine bola, "Madam, saree upar karo, photo lena hai".
 
After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a gripe sheet which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, the airline these came from is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

Pilot: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Engineers: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

Pilot: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Engineers: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

Pilot: Something loose in cockpit.
Engineers: Something tightened in cockpit.

Pilot: Dead bugs on windshield.
Engineers: Live bugs on back-order.

Pilot: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Engineers: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

Pilot: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Engineers: Evidence removed.

Pilot: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Engineers: DME volume set to more believable level.

Pilot: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Engineers: That's what friction locks are for.

Pilot: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Engineers: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

Pilot: Suspected crack in windshield.
Engineers: Suspect you're right.

Pilot: Number 3 engine missing.
Engineers: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

Pilot: Aircraft handles funny.
Engineers: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Pilot: Target radar hums.
Engineers: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

Pilot: Mouse in cockpit.
Engineers: Cat installed.

Pilot: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
Engineers: Took hammer away from midget
 
heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy friends come post-------
93084977.jpg
 
One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price.Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000Rs.Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."
 
> >> A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin

> >>to

> >>claim

> >> it

> >> and

> >> the man verifies his ticket number.

> >> Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."The man replied,

> >> "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million

> >>today and

> >> then

> >> you'll

> >> get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."

> >> Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now!

> >> ; I want it and I want it."

> >> Again, the man explained that he wouldonly get a million that

> >>day and

> >> the

> >> rest

> >> during the next 19 years.

> >> Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my

> >>money! if

> >> you're

> >> not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my

> >>1 dollar

> >> back!"
 
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