A JOkE A DAY keeps tension away!!

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get outta here."

The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".

"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,"replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."


The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."


:SugarwareZ-254:
 
:SugarwareZ-229:
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A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices would be advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star
GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.
GRE STUDENT : All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers
GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales
GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck
GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss
GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries of small, green, biophytic plant.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together
GRE STUDENT : Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend to congregate.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep
GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness
GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

*******************************************************
NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk
GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid.

*******************************************************
:SugarwareZ-229:
 
Ek interview

OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : TELL ME PROPERLY
CANDIDATE : MOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR FATHER'S NAME ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MANMOHAN PAL SIR
OFFICER : YOUR NATIVE PLACE
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : IS IT MADHYA PRADESH ?
CANDIDATE : NO, MUNNUR PAL SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS YOUR QUALIFICATION?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : (ANGRILY) WHAT IS IT ?
CANDIDATE : METRIC PASS
OFFICER : WHY DO YOU NEED A JOB ?
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ?
CANDIDATE : MONEY PROBLEM SIR
OFFICER : DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : EXPLAIN YOURSELF CLEARLY
CANDIDATE : MAGNANIMOUS PERSONALITY SIR
OFFICER : THIS DISCUSSION IS NOWHERE, YOU MAY GO NOW
CANDIDATE : M P. SIR
OFFICER : WHAT IS IT NOW
CANDIDATE : MY PERFORMANCE....?
OFFICER : MP !!!
CANDIDATE : WHAT IS THAT SIR..?


:SugarwareZ-191:
 
:SugarwareZ-229:

Newton in romantic mood......


Universal law:

" Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from
One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "



first law:

" a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl
in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless
any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and
break the legs of the boy. "



second law:

" the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is
directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and
the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "



third law:

" the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite
to the force applied by the girl while slapping

:SugarwareZ-229:
 
:SugarwareZ-191:

Learn English absolutelly free* *Be frd n keep urself happy

Frist Sem - Syll r as under..

Circuit: Bhai america mein address puchega tho kya bolne ka
Munna: Dhobhi Ghaat
Circuit: Bhai english mein bolneka tho?
Munna: Washington

Circuit: Bhai idhar aane ko kya bolna
Munna: Come Here

Circuit: Bhai phir udhar jaaneko kya bolthe hai?
Munna: Pehle udhar jaaneka phir bolneka come here.

Circuit: Bhai yeh kaisa bolne ka - chale hat hawa aane de
Munna: simple hain yaar - Hey u move sideways let the air force come in.

Circuit: Bhai tum tho pass ho gela bhai
Munna: Yes bro i have just passed away

Munna: Abhi tu bol eh mamu bheja mat phira
Circuit: Mother's brother dont rotate my brain

Munna: Yeh bol idhar aa khajhur detha hun karcha pani {kajhur yaane date}
circiut: Come with me for a date i will pay u

Munna: Ab yeh bol apun ko bahut sardi ho gayi hai
Circuit: I got big winter in small nose.

:SugarwareZ-191:
 
Funny-White-Gorrila-Smiling.jpg


ha ha ha deepa great going keep up...........
 
Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN BOY
To get to the other side.

PLATO
For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

RICHARD M. NIXON
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

BILL GATES
The newly released Chicken 2003, will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

DARWIN
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference and relativity.

GEORGE BUSH
We are committed to establishing a democracy where chickens freely cross roads without oppression from terrorist organizations.

AZHARUDDIN
I am totally innocent, you know, I'm unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the minority.... . I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know....

GEORGE FERNANDES
I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!

MULAYAM
I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned

arjun singh
Our policy will ensure the development of socially underprivileged chickens so that they can also cross roads.

ABDUL KALAM
Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? .. please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road... now repeat after me ....

ADVANI
I see Pakistani hand in this ...

VATAL NAGARAJ
No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!.

BAL THACKAREY
Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road.

JAYALALITHAA
From reliable sources I've got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTA.

AMITABH BACHHAN
The chicken has crossed the road?.. are you sure.. very sure ... really sure...

VENKAIAH NAIDU
"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"

H.S.SURJEET
We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back..

Maneka Gandhi
Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens...

SALMAN KHAN
I ran over the chicken (Hic!). It was not intentional ...... It was accidental (Hic!)... ... you're now asking this question to me only because I'm a celebrity(Hic!
 
Why did the chicken cross the road?

KINDERGARTEN BOY
To get to the other side.

PLATO
For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX
It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY
Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES
Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

RICHARD M. NIXON
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

BILL GATES
The newly released Chicken 2003, will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

DARWIN
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference and relativity.

GEORGE BUSH
We are committed to establishing a democracy where chickens freely cross roads without oppression from terrorist organizations.

AZHARUDDIN
I am totally innocent, you know, I'm unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the minority.... . I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know....

GEORGE FERNANDES
I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!

MULAYAM
I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned

arjun singh
Our policy will ensure the development of socially underprivileged chickens so that they can also cross roads.

ABDUL KALAM
Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? .. please tell me why? .. they crossed to go to the other side of the road... now repeat after me ....

ADVANI
I see Pakistani hand in this ...

VATAL NAGARAJ
No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!.

BAL THACKAREY
Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road.

JAYALALITHAA
From reliable sources I've got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTA.

AMITABH BACHHAN
The chicken has crossed the road?.. are you sure.. very sure ... really sure...

VENKAIAH NAIDU
"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"

H.S.SURJEET
We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back..

Maneka Gandhi
Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens...

SALMAN KHAN
I ran over the chicken (Hic!). It was not intentional ...... It was accidental (Hic!)... ... you're now asking this question to me only because I'm a celebrity(Hic!
 
Hell for Gates!

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself being sized up by God....
"Well, Bill, I`m really confused on this call. I m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows 95. I`m going to do something I ve never done before. In your case, I m going to let you decide where you want to go."
"Well, what s the difference between the two?" Bill asks.
God says, "I m willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I ll leave that up to you."
"Okay, then," says Bill. "Let me try Hell first."
So Bill goes to Hell. It s a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun is shining, the temperature is perfect. He is very pleased.
"This is great!" he tells God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!"
"Fine," says God, and off they go.
Heaven is a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It s nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thinks for a quick minute and decides.
"Hmm. I think I d prefer Hell," he tells God.
"Fine," replies God. "As you desire."
So Bill Gates goes to Hell. Two weeks later, God decides to check on the late billionaire to see how he is doing in Hell. When he gets there, he finds Bill shackled to a wall, screaming amidst hot flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons.
"How s everything going?" he asks Bill.
Bill responds, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can t believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?"
"Oh ... that was the SCREENSAVER."
 
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