JOKE SMS...HA HA HA !!!

rahul_parab2006

rahul_parab2006

Rahul Parab
SOME 2 TO 4 LINES SMS THAT MAKES YOU LAUGH ... JOKE SMS ... LAUGH LOUDLY ... ENJOY THE LIFE ... !!!

:SugarwareZ-168:

JISKE DIL ME JAGAH HAI, USE DILDAR KEHTE HAI !
JISKE SAR ME JAGAH HAI, USE SARDAR KEHTE HAI !


MAINE POOCHA CHAND SE …
DEKHA HAI KAHIN MERA YAAR SA HASEEN,
CHAND NE KAHA…
ABEY, ITNE UPAR SE DIKHTA HAI KYA?


WHY 18 SARDAR JI GOES TOGETHER TO WATCH THE FILM?
BECAUSE…IT IS MENTIONED IN THE ADVERTISEMENT …
“NOT FOR BELOW 18”.


QUE :-PATHAN TELLS HARBHAJAN TO BRING ‘PEPSI’. BUT BY TAKING ‘PEPSI’, HE GOES TO SEHVAG. WHY ?
ANS :- BECAUSE SEHVAG IS AN “OPENER”.


TEACHER : WINE IS THE MOST ENEMY OF MAN. PLEASE AVOID IT.
STUDENT : BUT SIR, U TOLD YESTERDAY THAT “LOVE ENEMYS” …!!!


4 SARDAR JI DECIDES TO PLAY CHESS. BUT THERE WAS ONLY 1 CHESSBOARD. THEN, ONE OF THEM SUGGESTS :- “NO PROBLEM, WE WILL PLAY DOUBLES”.


KATL-E-ISHQ ME USKE VALID NE MUJHKO ISS TARAH SE PITA!
TAN KI SHAKTI MAN KI SHAKTI BOURNVITA !!!


Q :- WHAT IS THE FULL FORM OF : “A B C D E F G” ?
A :- “A BOY CAN DO EVERYTHING FOR GIRL”.


LOG KEHTE HAI KI PYAR ME NEEND UDD JATI HAI.
HUM SE BHI KOI PYAAR KARO, HUME NEEND BAHOT AATI HAI.


CAN YOU SEND ME YOUR PHOTO AS SOON AS POSSIBLE?
IT’S URGENT. JOKER IS MISSING FROM MY PLAYING CARDS.


SHAADI SE PEHLE “HERO NO. 1”
SHAADI KE BAAD “COOLIE NO. 1”
SHAADI SE PEHLE “MAINE PYAAR KIYA”
SHAADI KE BAAD “YEH MAINE KYA KIYA?”


Q :- ONE FAT WOMAN WAITING FOR THE BUS.
HOW CAN YOU TELL THIS IN ONE WORD?
A :- “MOTIVATING”


Q :- THE ONE WHO FAILS IN S.S.C. FOR THIRD TIME, IS CALLED AS ________.
A :- “HAT-TRICK IN MAT-TRICK”.


SARDAR JI 1 : MAIN DUNIYA KO MITA DOONGA, MITA DOONGA, MITA DOONGA…
SARDAR JI 2 : MAIN TUMHE RUBBER HI NAHI DOONGA.


Q :- “ONE GIRL IS STANDING DOWN.” DESCRIBE IN ONE WORD.
A :- “MISUNDERSTANDING”

:SugarwareZ-169:

P.S. - PLEASE DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ALL PUNJABIs, AS SARDARJI JOKES ARE INCLUDED HERE, JUST TAKE AS A JOKE...PLZ NO HARSH FEELINGS...TAKE CARE...KEPP POSTING ON MP !!!
 
JOKES

1.Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road... why?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the Office.
============ ========= =======

2. A news reporter gets news that 100 sardars are killed in a train accident at Amritsar station. Only one sardar left alive.The correspondent goes to him and asks, Sardarji how did it happen?

Sardar: oh ji pucho mat.. sab kuch sahi tha sab log platform par khade gaadi ki wait kar rahe they. Achanak announcement hui ki shatabdee express 2 no. platform par aa rahi hai. Jaise hi sab ne suna ki gaddi PLATFORM PAR aa rahi hai, sab log apni jaan bachane ke liye patri par kood gaye. Aur tabhi gaddi patri par aa gayi. Reporter: Thank god. Aap ne samajhdari dikhayee. Aap patri par nahin koode.

Sardar: Oye nahin ji main to suicide karne ki iye patri par hi leta tha. Jaise hi announcement hui main to platform par chad gaya.

============ ========= =======


3.A Sardarni had 8 sons all named Karan. On asking how she managed to call one in particular.
She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname !

............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ........

4. Sardar enters kitchen and opens the sugarbox. Sees inside and closes it.

Wife observes the whole episode.
Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife askes Why are you doing this?
Sardar replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.

============ ========= =======

5.What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.

============ ========= =======


6.Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.

============ ========= =======


7.Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya?
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di..."

============ ========= =======

8.Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar
idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe
honge....think. ........
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"

============ ========= =======


9.A friend asks sardar how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK.
I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'


============ ========= =======

10.Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.

:SugarwareZ-191:
 
Facts about Bill gates

1. Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that's about US$20
Million a DAY and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!

2. If he drops a thousand dollar, he won't even bother to pick
it up b'coz the 4 seconds he picks it, he would've already earned
it back.

3. The US National debt is about 5.62 trillion, if
Bill Gates were to pay the debt by himself; he will finish it in
less then 10 years.
4. He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still be left
with US$5 Million for his pocket money.

5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US.
If he doesn't drink and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e.
US$30 Million, he'll have to wait for 277 years to become as
rich as Bill Gates is now.

6. If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest
country on earth.

7. If you change all of Bill Gate's money to US$1 notes, you can
make a road from earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you
have to make that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total
of 713 BOEING 747 planes to transport all the money.

8. Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live
for another 35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to
finish all his money before he can go to heaven.

Last but not the least:

If Microsoft Windows' users can claim US$1 for every time their
computers hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be
bankrupt in 3 years!






















A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If
you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill
you."

The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was
astonished.

He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you, and you will die."

The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around
the corner, barely missing him.

The man asked. "Who are you?"


"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.


"Oh, yeah?" the man exclaimed "And where the hell were you when I got
married?"
 
ONE NIGHT 4 MBA STUDENTS WERE BOOZ ING TILL LATE NIGHT AND DIDN'T STUDY

FOR THE TEST WHICH WAS SCHEDULED FOR THE NEXT DAY.



IN THE MORNING THEY THOUGHT OF A PLAN. THEY MADE THEMSELVES LOOK AS
DIRTY AND WEIRD AS THEY COULD WITH GREASE AND DIRT.



THEY THEN WENT UP TO THE DEAN AND SAID THAT THEY HAD GONE OUT TO A
WEDDING LAST NIGHT AND ON THEIR RETURN THE TYRE OF THEIR CAR BURST AND THEY
HAD TO PUSH THE CAR ALL THE WAY BACK AND THAT THEY WERE IN NO CONDITION
TO APPEAR FOR THE TEST.

THEN DEAN WAS A JUST PERSON SO HE SAID THAT YOU CAN HAVE THE RETEST
AFTER 3 DAYS.

THEY SAID THEY WILL BE READY BY THAT TIME. ON THE THIRD DAY

THEY APPEARED BEFORE THE DEAN. THE DEAN SAID THAT THIS WAS A SPECIAL
CONDITION TEST.



ALL FOUR WERE REQUIRED TO SIT IN SEPARATE CLASSROOMS FOR THE TEST. THEY
ALL AGREED AS THEY HAD PREPARED WELL IN THE LAST THREE DAYS. THE TEST
CONSISTED OF 2 QUESTIONS WITH TOTAL OF 100 MARKS.





Q.1. WRITE DOWN YOUR NAME -----(2 MARKS)

Q.2. WHICH TYRE BURST -----
 
Husband: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets


Wife: Why 3?



Husband: For you and your parents!

:SugarwareZ-254:
 
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"



Wife replies," No, It means ,

"With Idiot For Ever !!!"
 
When a wife was asked: "What book do u like the Best?"



Many wifes gave the same answer: "My husbands Check book".
 
Sardar declares:
.. . . I will never marry in my life&. . .
.. . . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . . .
============ ========= =========
===========
SARDAR talking on cell.
2ND SARDAR: kis se baat kar raho ho.
1ST: biwi se.....
2ND: itne... pyar se....?
1ST: tumhari hai. . .
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
A donkey kicked sardar & ran away
sardar ran to catch the donkey. He saw a zebra & started beating it &
said 'SALA Tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai'.
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength:My wife,Jeeto.

2.Weakness:Banta' s wife,Preeto.

3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.

4.Threat:When I am on tour

============ ========= ========= ========
sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml
now it's 1.5 ltr.
============ ========= ========= =====
On Jeeto's bday
Sardar had no money, so he sent a cheque of 100 kisses.
When he returns home Jeeto said: Thanks I got cheque cashed from bank
manager.
============ ========= ========= ========
teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times
sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara
============ ========= ========= ======
Teacher: is line ki english banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan....
============ ========= ========= ========= ===
Santa went to mysore palace.
Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE? "
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : PAPPU, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his ?
PAPPU: No, teacher, it's the same dog !
-*-*-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-* -*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher
 
1) Santa: Whts d guarantee 4 this mirror? Shopkeeper: Throw down frm 100 ft hite, d mirror will not break till 99 ft.! Santa: WOW.! Thats great. Pack it.

2) Pls send me one Good Night. Really I cant sleep without it. I dnt know how this happened to me. If u dont have Good Night atleast Mortein or Allout.

3) Sardar in mysore palace,Tourist guide- sir PLz don sit there, It is Tippu sultan's chair Sardar- oye don't worry yaar i will get up when he comes..

4) Scientific question.
How does blood reach ur head?

Simple...!

Direction of liquid always flows towards

"EMPTY SPACE"...

5)Movie titles related to engg students:
exams - socha na tha,
classes - kabhi kabhi,
question papers - na tum jano na hum,
copying - yaarana,
maths2 - asambhav,
maths1 - mission impossible,
environmental sciences - pyar mein kabhi kabhi,
1st semester - kuch to hai,
2nd semester - yeh kya ho raha hai,
distinction - kal ho na ho,
1st class - raju bangaya gentleman,
2nd class - dil mange more
fail - phir milenge

6)Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare
hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din
nayi nayi to milti
 
1) Husband: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Wife: Why 3?

Husband: For you and your parents!



---------------------------------------



2) Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
 
One hand on steering wheel, one hand out of window .
- Sydney


One hand on steering wheel, one hand on horn
- Japan


One hand on steering wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator...
- Boston



Both hands on steering wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering
in terror
- New York


Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat
- Italy



One hand on horn,
one hand on holding gear,
one ear listening to loud music,
one ear on cell phone,
one foot on accelerator,
one foot on clutch ,
nothing on break ,
eyes on females in next car ,
*
*
*
welcome in INDIA
 
YOU CAN'T RESIST LAUGHING!!I DARE YOU!!


1) वेटर-क्या ऑर्डर देना पसन्द करोगे सर
.
में-पहले तो फ्री wifi का पासवर्ड बता

2) He: I love you
She : I HV bf
He : Olx pe bech de
Purana jayega , tabhi naya aayega

3) A very caring sentence written on the T-shirt of a girl walking on the road:
.
.
.
.
"You are not looking at the road, please be careful..

4) पत्नी: मेरे पास सबूत है कि तुम्हारा चक्कर पड़ोसन के साथ है।
पति: क्या सबूत है?
पत्नी: उसका पति कल रात तुम्हारी अंडरवियर पहनकर आया था

:SugarwareZ-167:
 
Some more :

Q: What did the gangster’s son tell his dad
when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours
but I never told them anything.”

A client comes to a bank:
– My cheque was returned with a remark: “Insufficient funds”. I’d like to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank?
 
nick18_in said:
1) Husband: Today is Sunday & I wanna enjoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets
Wife: Why 3?

Husband: For you and your parents!



---------------------------------------



2) Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.
Click to expand...

Unlike others your brain is a master piece,
It is divided in 2 parts – Left & Right.
In left nothing is Right & in right nothing is Left!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top