Ultimate Jokes!!!!!!!!!!

A kangaroo bounds round the Australian outback. When
it comes to a halt, a little penguin climbs out of the
kangaroo's pouch. It looks awfully giddy and is
promptly sick.

Meanwhile, a little kangaroo sits on a South Pole
beach shivering, crying and mumbling to itself, "I
hate school exchange trips."
 
Saddam Hussein decided that he wanted to document his
memoirs, so he asked his guard for a stenographer.

The guard came back a little while later with a laptop
computer instead.

"No thanks," Saddam said. "I'm a dictator."
 
They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer "Where is my father?"


The computer bleeped for a short while and then came back with "Your father is fishing in Michigan."


The skeptical man said triumphantly "You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been dead for twenty years."


"No", replied the super computer immediately, "your mother's husband has


been dead for twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound trout
 
A woman was trying to board a bus, but her skirt was too tight and she couldn't step. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper a bit and tried again.


The skirt was still too tight. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper some more.


She still couldn't get on the bus and lowered the zipper a third time. All of a sudden, she felt two hands on her butt, which proceeded to push her up onto the bus.


She spun around, with anger in her eyes and said very indignantly, "Sir, I do not know you well enough for you to behave in such a manner."


The man smiled coyly and said, "Lady, I don't know you well enough either for you to unzip my fly three times either!"
 
Judge: U r crossin limits.

Lawyer: Kaun Sala aisa kehta hai?

Judge: How dare u call me sala?



Lawyer: My Lord, I said kaun SA LAW aisa kehta hai.
 
Akash_arny said:
A woman was trying to board a bus, but her skirt was too tight and she couldn't step. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper a bit and tried again.


The skirt was still too tight. She reached behind her and lowered the zipper some more.


She still couldn't get on the bus and lowered the zipper a third time. All of a sudden, she felt two hands on her butt, which proceeded to push her up onto the bus.


She spun around, with anger in her eyes and said very indignantly, "Sir, I do not know you well enough for you to behave in such a manner."


The man smiled coyly and said, "Lady, I don't know you well enough either for you to unzip my fly three times either!"
Click to expand...

jabardast........kash mein waha hota........us admii ki jagah......ooooooooo
 
Pyar Me Main Us Ke, Duniya Ko Bhula Doonga
Dil Ka Rishta Hai, Main Jaan Luta Doonga
Phoolon Si Meri Janam, Kanton Main Na Ulajh Jaye
Her Zakhm Uske Dil Ke, Apne Seene Pe Utha Loonga
Ishq Yeaaaah Mera, Use Maghroor Kar Jaye
Toot Ke Main Us Ko, Itna Use Chahoonga
Bus Yehi Dua Hai Meri, Woh Bani Rahe Her Dum Meri
Mili Gar Woh Na Mujhe, Kaise Jeee Paaaoonga

TUM HI KAHO KYA BAAT HAI,LAGNE LAGE HO APNE KYON,
JABSE DEKHA HAI TUMKO DEKH RAHA HOON SAPNE KYON
DEKHA THA TUMKO KHWAB MEIN,
AISA LAGA HAQEEAQT MEIN DEKHLIYA,
KUCH KEHNA CHAHTA THA TUMKO KHWAB MEIN,
WO HAQEEQAT MEIN KEHDIYA

Dikha kar khawab in aankhon ko?
De gaye aansoo in mein tum!
Kaise chalka doon yeh aansoo?
In mein bhi to rehte ho tum!\

Apne KhOabon ki tamer bata nahin sakte
hum tumko chah kar apna nahi sakte
tum se mohabat karte rahenge hamesha
jevan saathi banane ki kasam kha nahin sakte

maine sirf tum hi ko chaha hai
aur sirf tum hi ko chahon ga
mur jaon ga teri mohabbat main
magur izhar na ker paon ga

Kaash dunya mei koi itna khushnaseeb ho
Chaaha ho jisko usne wo uske kareeb ho
Utha ke haath karta hoon rab se mei ye dua
Nikle jo aakhri sans meri, dilber qareeb ho

ANKH BARSI HAI TERE NAAM PE SAWAN KI TARAH
JISM SULGA HAI TERI YAAD MEIN EINDHAN KI TARAH
MUJHE IS BULANDI SE NAWAJA KYON THA
GIR KE TOOT GAYA MAIN KAANCH KI BARTAN KI TARAH

Parosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner kay time candle light ho,
Hum me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,
Milane ke baad dil delight ho,
Yeh kavita parhne ke baad log kahe "chikne, tum right ho",

Kash ke hum sms hote,
ek click me tumhare pass hote,
bhale tum hume delete kardete,
par hum kuch pal tumhare saath to hote....

Duniya bhar ki khushiyan hamare saath chali
Qadam mila ke jo hamare saath aap chali


Sweet is your "Nature"
Dear is your "Name"
As Earth wants Water, flower wants Dew.
I want nothing…
But Happiness for You.

Wus din khuda ne bhi jashn manaya hoga,
Jis din aapko apne hatho se banaya hoga,
Usne bhi bahaye honge aansu,
Jis din aapko yahan bhej khud ko akela paya hoga

Never ask 4 a kiss, just take it.
Never give a hug, ask 4 it.
Never ask do u luv me, first say I luv u.
Never say I cant live without u, say I live for u.

Phoolon mein gulab achhaa lagta hai,
Sapno mein khwab achhaa lagta hai,
Aap hamein sms bhejte rahe
Hame aapka yeh andaz achaa lagta hai

When I pray I don't see God, but I know he listens
As such, When I SMS U I don't see you,
but I know you think of me and Smiles.

If you love someone,
put their name in a circle,
instead of a heart,
because hearts can break,
but circles go on forever

To love without condition,
To talk without intention,
To give without reason,
to care without expectation is the heart of true relation

You are like the sunshine so warm,
you are like sugar, so sweet.
you are like you.
and that's the reason why I love you!

Aaj is kadar raha me ishq bikhara pada hua hai,
Aaj har khusbo fiki aur gumanaam har dua hai,
Is anjan duniya me aap kaha se aa gaye koun ho aap,
Jis ne mujhe mohabbat se chhuaa hai.

Star + Moonfiltered= Romantic night.
Bird + Sky = Lovely day.
Forest + Animal = Re-freshing world.
U + Ur smile = Its beautiful.

Kabhi subha ko yaad aate ho,
kabhi shaam ko yaad aate ho,
Kabhi kabhi itna yaad aate ho,
Aaina hum dekte hai, nazar tum aate ho!

Chehara Dil se dekha jata hain, khubsurti se nahin,
Pyar Dosto se kiya jata hain, dusmano se nahin.

You are my sweet sona,
I dont want to u khona,
plz give me your heart ka kona,
Otherwise I will start rona dhona

What I feel for you,is really true.
You got to know,I need you so.
When you are gone,I can't go on.
Can't you see, that you are the only one for me?

Hum to sirf aapki baat kiya karte hain,
har dhadkan pe aapka naam liya karte hain,
aap ho hume apni jaan se bhi pyare,
tabhi to waqt bewaqt yaad kiya karte hain

Love is like playing the piano.
First you must learn, to play by the rules.
Then u must forget the Rules and Play from your heart

Tere khoobsoorat aankhon mein aansoo achche nahin lagte
chaahe jitnaa bhi roye but kabhi sachche nahin lagte

Najneen hushn malin, nakhraye saaj ho tum,
Dilkash mohabbat ka, hasin andaaj ho tum,
Kyun raaz se raaz ka raaz ho tum,
Taj nahin mere dil ki MUMTAJ ho tum

It feels nice when someone misses u,
feels good when someone loves u.
feels better when someone's with u.
But it feels the best when someone never 4gets u.

I've notice that being with u,
I smile a little more often,
I anger a little less quickly,
the sun shines a little brighter & life is much sweeter.
I LOVE YOU.

Itna jaldi daaman chod diya,
Itna chaldi vaada tod diya,
Abhi to zindagi ka sansein hai baaki,
Aur aapne abhi se YAAD karna chhod diya :SugarwareZ-191:
 
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