Sports Jokes

savio13

savio13

Savio Cabral
Golf Funeral

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, 'Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.'

The man then replies, 'Yeah, well we were married 35 years.'
 
Golf Ball

These two guys were approaching the first tee.

The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and

says to his friend, 'Hey, why don't you try this ball?'

He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. 'You can't lose it.'

His friend replies, 'What do you mean you can't lose it?!'

The first man replies, 'I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it

into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the

water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway,

smoke comes up in order for you to find it.'

Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities

until he is convinced. The friend says, 'Wow! That's incredible!

Where did you get that ball?!'

The man replies, 'I found it.'
 
Got a Driver

Two bowling teams charter a double-decker bus;

they're going to Atlantic City for the weekend.

One team is in the bottom of the bus, and the other team

is in the top of the bus. The team down below is whooping it up

when one of them realizes he doesn't hear anything from the top.

He walks up the stairs, and here are all the guys from the second team

clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles, scared to death.

He says, 'What the heck's goin' on? We're down here havin' a grand old time.'

One of the guys from the second team says, 'Yeah, but you guys've got a *driver*.'
 
Anything that'll help

On the day of the local match, the captain was talking to one of his men. 'Look, here's a pound,' he said. 'Go out and buy a new ball or something. Anything that'll help us win.'

The match began and the captain noticed that the same old ball was being used.

He called his man over. 'What did you do with the pound?' he asked. 'Well, you said anything to help us win.'

'Yes.'

'I gave it to the umpire.'
 
My game

Golfer: 'Do you think my game is improving?'
Caddy: 'Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.'
 
Idiots

Bill and Earl are out playing golf. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing. Bill says, 'Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishin' in the rain!'
 
Holding up the fingers

As a golfer teed up at precisely his reserved time, he was tapped on the shoulder. The intruder handed him a note which read, 'I am deaf and mute. Please let me play through.' 'This is MY tee-off time,' the golfer bellowed, shaking his head vigorously. 'Your handicap doesn't entitle you to play through!' Then he proceeded to drive his ball straight down the fairway. 'Nice shot,' the fellow's caddie said as they headed off the tee, leaving the deaf-mute fuming. While lining up his next shot, the golfer was struck on the head by a ball. Turning around angrily, he spotted the deaf-mute holding up his hand. 'What is he doing?' asked the golfer, squinting into the sun. 'I believe he's holding up four fingers,' the caddie replied!
 
Dusk Hunting

Two blokes decide to go duck hunting. Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven't bagged any. One hunter looks at the other and says 'I just don't understand it - why aren't we getting any ducks?' His friend says 'I keep telling you, I just don't think we're throwing the dog high enough.'
 
Groan

The following comes from one the funniest TV shows in the UK, the comedy sports quiz, 'They Think It's All Over.' It's hosted by Nick Hancock.
In Spain earlier this year, a season ticket holder was refused entry to a Real Betis home game for the flimsy and pathetic excuse that he was dead. His family had brought his ashes to the match in a glass container.
Nick Hancock's comment was, 'It's coming to something when you can't take a bottle of pop to the game with you.'
 
You earn how much ?

I gather you earn more than the Prime Minister the nosey member asked his club's pro.
'Why not ?', came the reply, 'I'm a better player than he is !'
 
Store professional

A golf professional, hired by a big department store to give golf lessons, was approached by two women. 'Do you wish to learn to play golf, madam?' he asked one.
'Oh, no,' she replied, 'it's my friend who's interested in learning. I learned last Wednesday.'
 
Going for a Swim

A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, he proceeds to splash five balls in a row into the water.
Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course.
Then all of a sudden, he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs.
When he comes out of the water, he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course.
One of his buddies asks, 'Why did you jump into the lake?'
He responds, 'I left my car keys in the bag.'
 
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