Management Lessons

gaurav200x

gaurav200x

Gaurav Mittal
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not? "With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass .

Management Lesson: "Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."
 
Management Lessons -2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your great claws will only destroy it even more"

Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great Claws cannot fix complicated watches"

Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"

Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"

Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene: Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A SUPERVISOR IS FAMOUS LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

In the context of the working world:

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED, LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.
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Management Lessons - 3

Once there was a sales man whose sales ranged between 80% to 95% of his budget. Disheartened with the results, he took an appointment with a marketing consultant, to know where he was wrong.

He reached the consultant's office at the appointed time. After entering the office he saw two doors, instead of a receptionist. One door was marked - "SALES LESS THAN 100%" and the other door was marked - "SALES MORE THAN 100%". Since his average sale was less than 100%, he entered to the Ist door.

After entering the room he found two more doors - one was marked "EARN INCENTIVES" and the other door was marked "NOT EARN INCENTIVES". Since he did not earn incentive on regular basis, he entered the IInd door.

He again found two doors, one was marked "HAPPY WITH YOUR SELF" and the other was marked "NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR SELF". Since he was not an achiever, he was not happy and so entered the IInd door.

And surprisingly on entering it he found himself on the same street where he had entered.


Moral of the story:

If we continue to work with same attitude and with same approach, if our style of functioning remains the same, if we take same steps then we will meet the same fate. Similar actions again and again will lead to similar results, again and again. To get different or desired results : we have to bring about a change in our attitude, in our approach towards our customer, bring about a change in our style of functioning, thus we must open different doors.
 
Management Lessons-4

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady

MORAL: Gather all resources before working on any project and committing to the client...!!!
 
Joke with a message

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

MORAL OF THE STORY IS: "ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
 
Traits Of Successful People

1. They are hard working. There is no such thing as easy money. Success takes hard work and people who are willing to do it.

2. They are honest. Those who are successful long-term are the honest ones. Dishonest people may get the first sale, but honest people will get all the rest!

3. They persevere. How many success stories will go untold because they never happened? And all because someone quit. Successful people outlast everybody else.

4. They are friendly. Have you noticed that most successful people are friendly and people oriented? This endears them to others and enables them to lead others to accomplish the task.

5. They are lifelong learners. Successful people are people who stretch themselves and grow continually, learning from all areas of life, including from their mistakes.

6. They over-deliver. The old statement of under-promise and over-deliver became famous because it made a lot of people successful, including the richest man in the world - Bill Gates

7. They seek solutions in the face of problems. Problems are opportunities to do the impossible, not just complain. Successful people are the ones who find solutions.

-by Chris Widener
 
Management Lessons from "Sholay"

While premier foreign universities have been including vital nuances from famous Hollywood films as case studies, the same trend isn't common in India:

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In the '70s, Sholay underscored the importance of outsourcing, when Thakur hired goons to bump off Gabbar Singh, while Jai and Veeru exemplify teamwork.

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Thought of developing wireless communication must have cropped up after seeing the communication between Gabbar and Samba.

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Grapevine is shown an important source of information as Keshto Mukherjee runs off to update the Jailor on rumours doing the round.

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Sholay also tells us that the management should always respect the workforce. Basanti had a good rapport with Dhanno and she inturn saved Basanti’s life while being chased by dacoits.

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Jai displays perfect salesmanship as he tries to get Mausi approval for Veeru’s marriage with Basanti. He is focused on his job, though unaware of any USPs of his product.

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Last but not the least, one should never show all your cards. Jai always kept his coin with heads on both the side under wrap, even from his closest friend.

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Enjoyed???
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Never go to HR for help..

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.

The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying, My friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)

Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove tha t14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining? Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holidays)?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Eid day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!
HR = HIGH RISK
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A to Z of success

Avoid negative sources, people, things and habits.

Believe in yourself.

Consider things from every angle.

Don't give up and don't give in.

Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.

Family and Friends are hidden treasures. Seek them and enjoy their riches.

Give more than you planned to give.

Hang on to your dreams.

Ignore those who try to discourage you.

Just do it!

Keep on trying, no matter how hard it seems.

It will get better.

Love yourself first and foremost.

Make it happen.

Never lie, cheat or steal. Always strike a fair deal.

Open your eyes and see things as they really are.

Practice makes perfect.

Quitters never win and winners never quit.

Read, study and learn about everything important in life.

Stop Procrastination.

Take control of your own destiny.

Understand yourself in order to understand others.

Visualize it.

Want it more than anything.

Xccelerate your efforts.

You are unique, nothing can replace you.

Zero in on your target, and go for it!!
 
New definitions of IT designations in the office

New definitions of IT designations in the office

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Project Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

5) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll just produce a child with zero resources.

6) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to a produce a baby.

7) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

8) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered or not, they'll just document 9 months.

9) Customer Service Manager - the one holding baby without contributing to the delivery.

and finally........

10) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

:pound::pound:
 
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson: "NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
 
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