Lesson Number One
*****************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
_________________________________________________________________________
Lesson Number Two
*****************
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the
tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second
branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the
turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
_________________________________________________________________________
Lesson Number Three
*******************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to
be Boss.
The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control
the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all
the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and
the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being
the Boss. So
the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and
refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands
clenched, the Feet twitched, the heart and lungs began
to panic and the brain
fevered.
Eventually they all decided that asshole should be the
Boss, so the
motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and
passed out the shit!
Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will
do.
_________________________________________________________________________
Lesson Number Four
******************
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on it. As the f rozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow
dung, it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there
all warm and
happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of
cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth
shut!
*****************
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
The crow answered "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the
rabbit and ate it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
_________________________________________________________________________
Lesson Number Two
*****************
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to
be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I
haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with
nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that
it actually gave him enough strength to reach the
first branch of the
tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second
branch.
Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot the
turkey out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
_________________________________________________________________________
Lesson Number Three
*******************
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to
be Boss.
The Brain said, "I should be Boss because I control
the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the
brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be Boss because we do all
the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and
the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being
the Boss. So
the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and
refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands
clenched, the Feet twitched, the heart and lungs began
to panic and the brain
fevered.
Eventually they all decided that asshole should be the
Boss, so the
motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and
passed out the shit!
Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will
do.
_________________________________________________________________________
Lesson Number Four
******************
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold, the
bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field.
While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped
some dung on it. As the f rozen bird lay there in the
pile of cow
dung, it began to realize how warm it was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there
all warm and
happy and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of
cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him!
Management Lessons:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.
3) And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth
shut!
