Employee Speak
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I've used Microsoft Office.
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.
I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
I'M PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:
As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.
MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:
You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
I AM ADAPTABLE:
I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO:
I'm never at my desk.
I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:
The minute I find a better job. I'm outta here.
I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:
I'm a college drop-out.
I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:
I've been accused of sexual harassment.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:
Wait! Don't throw me away!
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:
Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL SITUATIONS:
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS:
I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do.
I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I've used Microsoft Office.
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.
I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR:
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
I'M PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE:
As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.
MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR REQUIREMENTS:
You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
I AM ADAPTABLE:
I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO:
I'm never at my desk.
I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:
The minute I find a better job. I'm outta here.
I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING:
I'm a college drop-out.
I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:
I've been accused of sexual harassment.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND CONSIDERATION:
Wait! Don't throw me away!
I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU SOON:
Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.