Professional Characteristics
Why won't sharks attack brokers?....professional courtesy.
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A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Actuary' Brains..... $9/lb
Loss Control Brains..... $12/lb
Underwriters' Brains..... $15/lb
Claims Adjusters' Brains ....$33/lb
Insurance Executives' Brains.... $87/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My those insurance executives' brains must be something!"
To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many of them you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"
An economist would call that a supply side joke!
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Three leading insurance company executives took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was , remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back. But of course, they killed one each and come Sunday, they talked the pilot into letting them bring all three dead moose onboard. So just after takeoff, the plane stalled and crashed.
In the wreckage, one of the executives woke up, looked around and said. where the hell are we. One of the other executives answered "Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place there we crashed last year."
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A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.
Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet.
"973" says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."
Man says sure. "You are an insurance company national account sales executive," says the shepherd.
"Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
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A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live.
The doctor advises her to marry claims adjuster and to live in South Dakota.
The woman asks: will this cure my illness?
"No" said the doctor, the half year will seem much much longer.
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Three actuaries went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first actuary fired, but missed, by a foot to the left. The second actuary fired, but also missed, by a foot to the right. The third actuary didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
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A broker, a risk manager and an safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.
The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.
In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the safety director, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."
The risk manager says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn.
The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock.
It's the risk manager who says, "There's a pig in that barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal."
So the broker is sent to the barn.
It's getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.
But they're awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the cow and the pig!
Why won't sharks attack brokers?....professional courtesy.
------------------------------
A traveler wandering on an island inhabited entirely by cannibals comes upon a butcher shop. This shop specialised in human brains differentiated according to source. The sign in the shop read:
Actuary' Brains..... $9/lb
Loss Control Brains..... $12/lb
Underwriters' Brains..... $15/lb
Claims Adjusters' Brains ....$33/lb
Insurance Executives' Brains.... $87/lb
Upon reading the sign, the traveler noted, "My those insurance executives' brains must be something!"
To which the butcher replied, "Are you kidding! Do you have any idea how many of them you have to kill to get a pound of brains?!"
An economist would call that a supply side joke!
------------------------------
Three leading insurance company executives took a small plane to the wilderness in northern Canada to hunt moose over the weekend. The last thing the pilot said was , remember, this is a very small plane and you will only be able to bring ONE moose back. But of course, they killed one each and come Sunday, they talked the pilot into letting them bring all three dead moose onboard. So just after takeoff, the plane stalled and crashed.
In the wreckage, one of the executives woke up, looked around and said. where the hell are we. One of the other executives answered "Oh, just about a hundred yards east of the place there we crashed last year."
------------------------------
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.
Tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over; it's a big flock so he takes the bet.
"973" says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."
Man says sure. "You are an insurance company national account sales executive," says the shepherd.
"Amazing!" responds the man, "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."
------------------------------
A woman hears from her doctor that she has only half a year to live.
The doctor advises her to marry claims adjuster and to live in South Dakota.
The woman asks: will this cure my illness?
"No" said the doctor, the half year will seem much much longer.
------------------------------
Three actuaries went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first actuary fired, but missed, by a foot to the left. The second actuary fired, but also missed, by a foot to the right. The third actuary didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
------------------------------
A broker, a risk manager and an safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. "I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn," the innkeeper says.
The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.
In a short time they're awakened by a knock. It's the safety director, who says, "There's a cow in that barn. I'm a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal."
The risk manager says that, OK, he'll sleep in the barn.
The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock.
It's the risk manager who says, "There's a pig in that barn. I'm Jewish, and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal."
So the broker is sent to the barn.
It's getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep.
But they're awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: It's the cow and the pig!