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saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Raman of Tenali was well aware that if he had to progress in life, he had to move out of Tenali and move to the commercial capital of that time Vijaynagar. Once the Rajguru of Vijaynagar visited the temple of Kali at Tenali and Raman was told to come to Vijaynagar where the Rajguru would introduce him to the Emperor.
Now legend has it that in a dream he was told by Godess Kali to worship her at the temple on a particular new moon night. On that night Raman was in the Temple and the Godess appeared before him with her 108 heads and 8 arms. Seeing Her, Raman burst out laughing. The angry Godess demanded why he was laughing at her. Raman replied, "I was thinking, when we get a cold and our nose runs, we find it difficult to manage one nose with two hands: and when I thought of how you could manage 108 noses with eight hands I found it very funny. Happy at his witty answer, the Godess showed two bowls and said, "In the golden bowl is sweet milk of wealth and in the silver bowl the sour curds of knowledge and learning. You can have any one of them." Prentending to smell both, Raman took the two bowls simultaneously and swallowed the contents of both, and hence he was blessed with the wisdom of knowledge tempered with humourous wit and also plenty of wealth which he acquired in due course.
Raman left Tenali and came to Vijaynagar. The Rajguru obviously did not recognise him. Raman reminded him of his promise and was given a royal brush-off. Not to be deprived of his chance of meeting the Emperor Krishna Deva Raya, one morning he waited near the river Tungabadhra. The Rajguru came for his morning bath to the river. Once the Rajguru finished his bath, Raman jumped on his back and told him to carry him. The Rajguru had no option as he didn't want to create a scene. Some people who espied this, went and reported to the Emperor. the emperor flew into a royal rage and climed into his chariot and came to see and punish the culprit. However, Raman espied the royal entourage from afar, and he nimbly jumped down from the Rajguru's shoulder and hoisted the Royal Priest on his shoulders. When the Emperor saw this, he was impressed. He patted Raman and asked him to meet him in the palace for receiving the Emperor's appreciation and a gift. And from here starts the tale of Raman's Wit and the saga of Tenali Raman.
Now legend has it that in a dream he was told by Godess Kali to worship her at the temple on a particular new moon night. On that night Raman was in the Temple and the Godess appeared before him with her 108 heads and 8 arms. Seeing Her, Raman burst out laughing. The angry Godess demanded why he was laughing at her. Raman replied, "I was thinking, when we get a cold and our nose runs, we find it difficult to manage one nose with two hands: and when I thought of how you could manage 108 noses with eight hands I found it very funny. Happy at his witty answer, the Godess showed two bowls and said, "In the golden bowl is sweet milk of wealth and in the silver bowl the sour curds of knowledge and learning. You can have any one of them." Prentending to smell both, Raman took the two bowls simultaneously and swallowed the contents of both, and hence he was blessed with the wisdom of knowledge tempered with humourous wit and also plenty of wealth which he acquired in due course.
Raman left Tenali and came to Vijaynagar. The Rajguru obviously did not recognise him. Raman reminded him of his promise and was given a royal brush-off. Not to be deprived of his chance of meeting the Emperor Krishna Deva Raya, one morning he waited near the river Tungabadhra. The Rajguru came for his morning bath to the river. Once the Rajguru finished his bath, Raman jumped on his back and told him to carry him. The Rajguru had no option as he didn't want to create a scene. Some people who espied this, went and reported to the Emperor. the emperor flew into a royal rage and climed into his chariot and came to see and punish the culprit. However, Raman espied the royal entourage from afar, and he nimbly jumped down from the Rajguru's shoulder and hoisted the Royal Priest on his shoulders. When the Emperor saw this, he was impressed. He patted Raman and asked him to meet him in the palace for receiving the Emperor's appreciation and a gift. And from here starts the tale of Raman's Wit and the saga of Tenali Raman.
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was still doing an okay job, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured getting a new rooster couldn't hurt anything. So he bought a young cock from the local rooster emporium, and turned him loose in the barnyard.
The old rooster saw the young one strutting around and he got a little worried. "So, they're trying to replace me," thought the old rooster. "I've got to do something about this."
He walked up to the new bird and said, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well, I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."
The young rooster was of a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!"
So the two roosters went over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begun and all the hens started cheering the roosters on.
After the first lap, the old rooster was still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead had slipped a little but he was still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continued to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he was just barely in front of the young rooster.
By now the farmer heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, took his shotgun, and ran out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shotgun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away.
As he walked away slowly, he thought to himself, "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month..."
The old rooster saw the young one strutting around and he got a little worried. "So, they're trying to replace me," thought the old rooster. "I've got to do something about this."
He walked up to the new bird and said, "So you're the new stud in town? I bet you really think you're hot stuff, don't you? Well, I'm not ready for the chopping block yet. I'll bet I'm still the better bird. And to prove it, I challenge you to a race around that hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens for himself."
The young rooster was of a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easy!"
So the two roosters went over to the hen house to start the race with all the hens gathering around to watch. The race begun and all the hens started cheering the roosters on.
After the first lap, the old rooster was still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guy's lead had slipped a little but he was still hanging in there. Unfortunately the old rooster's lead continued to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he was just barely in front of the young rooster.
By now the farmer heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, took his shotgun, and ran out to the barnyard figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shotgun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away.
As he walked away slowly, he thought to himself, "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month..."
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car that will take 5 years to pay off.
We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner."
We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
We whip any enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
We run from morning to night trying to keep our "earning power" up with our "yearning power."
We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.
We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
We demand speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but mumble through half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner."
We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
We whip any enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
We run from morning to night trying to keep our "earning power" up with our "yearning power."
We get upset we're spending over a billion dollars for education, but spend three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.
We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.
We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.
We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a Few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase A new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her The saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she Were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.... .......including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU??
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a Few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.
Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit.
Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.
Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase A new place.
The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her The saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.
Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a Price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she Were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.
A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.... .......including the curtain rods.
I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU??
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
The road to success is always under construction
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time.
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
i am Born free and Taxed to death.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don't have film.
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first
Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
"Agar koi tumhari salary na increase kare, tumhe promotion na de,
tum kam karte raho....
sirf kam hi nehi zada kam karo........
promotion ki ummed na karo.......
Dekhna, Uski aatma ek din jaroor jaagegi.
Aur vo tumhe salary hike aur promotion zaroor dega"
Aur agar fir bhi koi salary hike aur promotion nahi mile ,
to uske paas jana, use ek Guldasta dena.... aur Vinamrata se kehna.......
I am resigning
and
GET WELL SOON MAMU
tum kam karte raho....
sirf kam hi nehi zada kam karo........
promotion ki ummed na karo.......
Dekhna, Uski aatma ek din jaroor jaagegi.
Aur vo tumhe salary hike aur promotion zaroor dega"
Aur agar fir bhi koi salary hike aur promotion nahi mile ,
to uske paas jana, use ek Guldasta dena.... aur Vinamrata se kehna.......
I am resigning
and
GET WELL SOON MAMU
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
The hardest part of skating is the ice.
Ø The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
Ø The trouble with being punc tual is that there's no one there to appreciate it.
Ø If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
Ø If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
Ø Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!
Ø If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Ø It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
Ø I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Ø Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers)
Ø The cigarette does the smoking - you are just the sucker.
Ø Someday is not a day of the week
Ø The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
Ø The trouble with being punc tual is that there's no one there to appreciate it.
Ø If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
Ø If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
Ø Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!
Ø If you can't convince them, confuse them.
Ø It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
Ø I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Ø Hot glass looks same as cold glass. (Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers)
Ø The cigarette does the smoking - you are just the sucker.
Ø Someday is not a day of the week
saurabhairen
Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
FAMILY STORY:
A little girl asked her mother,
"How did the human race appear?"
The Mother answered, "God made Adam
and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made."
Two days later she asked her father the same question. The father answered,
"Many years
ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "mom , how is it possible
that
you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were
developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the
origin of my side of the family and your father told you about his side."!
A little girl asked her mother,
"How did the human race appear?"
The Mother answered, "God made Adam
and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made."
Two days later she asked her father the same question. The father answered,
"Many years
ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed."
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "mom , how is it possible
that
you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were
developed from monkeys?"
The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the
origin of my side of the family and your father told you about his side."!