laugh laugh...

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?


A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.



Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?


A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.



Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?


A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!



Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?


A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.



Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?


A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good



Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?


A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.In
fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?



Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?


A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.



Q: Is chocolate bad for me?


A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoabeans ... another vegetable!!! It's
the best feel-good food around!



Q: Is swimming good for your figure?


A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?


A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
food and diets and remember,


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways - cognac in one hand - cigar in the other - body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out, and screaming - WOO HOO! What a Ride!"
 
This stuff is really funny....Enjoy


On a group of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:



Two Italian men; one Italian woman


Two French men; one French woman


Two German men; one German woman


Two Greek men; one Greek woman


Two English men; one English woman


Two Bulgarian men; one Bulgarian woman


Two Japanese men; one Japanese woman


Two Chinese men; one Chinese woman


Two American men; one American woman


Two Irish men; one Irish woman



One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:



1. One Italian men killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.


2. The two French men and the French woman are living
happily together in menage-a-trois.


3. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman;


4. The two Greek men are sleeping and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.


5. The two English men are waiting for someone to
introduce them to the English woman.


6. The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.


7. The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.


8. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry and have got the Chinese woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.


9. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do and how her relationship with her mother is improving and how at least the taxes are low and it isn't raining.


10. The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they are satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun
 
Bhai's matrimony AD

Salam,


Apun Pakia!!! Umar 30 saal, wajan 80 killo aur 6 phoot
height kya! Abhi woh bole to kya hai na ki apun ko bhi
life me settle hone ka maangta, isi liye yeah
advertisement apun paper me chaap re la hai...



Maanta hai apun Tapori hai bahut log ka pungi bajayela
hai magar kya hai naa apun ka bhi ijjat hai baap
markit me!!! apun ko public bhai bolati
hai woh bhi ijjat se!



Saaal ka 5/6 peti to apun aaram
se kama leta hai...



Ab chokiri apun ko aisi chahiye, bole to ek dam jhakas,
ek dam pataka...
thoda padi likhi hogi to chale ga kyon ki kabhi form bharne
ke liye apun ko 25 log ka pair jodna padta hai...



Apun jo hai na shaadi ke baad ek dam sudhar jaayinga,
iman se... apun ka baccha log ko pada likah ke tapori
banayinga... bole to Tapori Doctor, Tapori Computerwala
aur bohut kuch...



Maa kasam shaadi ke baad apun
ek bhi chikni ko line nahi dega re...



Dekho baap apun shaadi ke baad me koi chokri ki phamily
ka lafda nahi chahiye han bole to kabab me haddi nahi
baane ka kya!



Abhi yeah sub accha lage to apun
ko contact karne ka, kya?



Chota Pakia
Pappu Pager Ka Right Hand
Shan Pati Nagar, Gali No. 420
Pareshan Road, Bhai Ka Area.
 
Why Women are the Luckier Sex!
1. We got off the Titanic first.

2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynaecological disorder excuses.

3. We never ejaculate prematurely.

4. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

5. When we buy a vibrator it's glamorous. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.

6. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

7. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

8. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

9. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.

10. Taxis stop for us.

11. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

12. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

13. Free drinks, free dinners, free moving (you get the point?).

14. We can hug our friend without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

15. We know the truth about whether size matters.

16. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

17. If we have sex with someone and don't call the next day, we're not the devil.

18. Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.

19. We can sleep our way to the top.

20. Nothing crucial can be cut off with one clean sweep.

21. It is possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

22. No fashion faux pas we make could rival Speedos.

23.

24. If we cheat on our spouse, people assume it's because we're being emotionally neglected.

25. We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.

26. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

27. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her arse.

28. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

29. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

30. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

31. We have an excuse to be a total bitch at least once a month.

32. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

33. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

34. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

35. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

36. Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.

37. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

38. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
 
todays to do list
1. read email
play solitair
surf the web
read email
attend meeting
do chatting
surf the web
go home
eat sleep
 
CRICKET : Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita

CRICKET TEST MATCH : Pakad dandu, maar mandu, de danaadan
pratiyogita

TABLE TENNIS : Lakdi ke phalak shetra pe le takaatak de takaatak

LAWN TENNIS : Harit Ghaas par le tada tad, de tada tad

LIGHT BULB : Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak

TIE : Kanth Langoti

MATCH BOX : Ragdampatti Agni Utpaadan Peti

TRAFFIC SIGNAL : Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa

TEA : Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti

TRAIN : Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini

ALL ROUTE PASS : Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr

RAILWAY SIGNAL : Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra

RAILWAY SIGNAL : Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika

RAILWAY SIGNAL : Louh path gaamini aawagaman suchak yantra

RAILWAY STATION : Bhabhka Adda

BUTTON : Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak

MOSQUITO : Gunjanhaari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev

CIGARETTE : Shweta patra mandit dhumra shalakha
 
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