just some mails

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. As they walk through the ape exhibit and p in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla goes ape.



He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), grunting and pounding his chest with the free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow.



The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along. She does and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall, she does, and Mr. Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs"



... this drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.



Then, quickly the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her in with the gorilla and says, "Now, tell HIM you have a headache."
 
A married man was visiting his 'girlfriend' when she requested that he shave his beard: 'Oh James, I like your beard, but I would really love to see your handsome face.'

James replied, 'My wife loves this beard, I couldn't possibly do it, she would kill me!'

'Oh please?' the girlfriend asked again, in a sexy little voice.

'Oh really, I can't,' he replies 'My wife loves this beard!!'

The girlfriend asked once more, and he sighs and finally gives in.

That night James crawls into bed with his wife while she is sleeping. The wife is awakened somewhat, feels his face and replies 'Oh Tom, you shouldn't be here, my husband will be home soon !!!'
 
THOSE WHO R FROM DELHI MUST HAVE NOTICED FEW OF THEMMMM

1ST OF ALL THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW WAT DTC IS::::::

DTC"""DELHI TRANSPORT CORPORATION"""

SO THOSDA SA TWIST...............


Q: How does DTC promote family planning?
A: It requires that people "peechhe se chadhen"


JUST SEEN YESTERDAY ONLY

How about the varioous buses where the mischieviuos scratched and made
'Kewal Hilayen' out of 'Kewal Mehilayen' !!!!



Hi guys, this is a real one.

There was this phirang guy we knew who was visiting Delhi. Being a newbie, he
was advised by everyone against travelling by DTC. However, adventurous as he
was, he boarded a DTC bus one day and much to his consternation, noticed the
following on the back of the seat:

Look under your seat
There WOULD be a bomb
Raise Alarm
Earn AWARD

This was his first ever DTC ride, and needless to say, his last one!
 
Three guys and a girl were at a bar and the guys were
discussing football. It wasn't long before the girl joined
into the conversation, and it quickly became apparent that
she knew just as much about the game as they did.

"How is it you know so much about football?" asked one of
the guys.

"Well," she replied, "to tell you the truth, I used to be a
guy and got a sex change."

All of a sudden things got very quiet in the bar. After a
few seconds, one curious guy broke the silence. "What was
the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut
off your dick?"

"That was very painful," she admitted, "but not the most
painful part."

"I'll bet it was when they cut off your balls," said one of
the other guys.

"That was very painful too," she said, "but not the most
painful part."

"So what the hell could be more painful than those?"

"The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in
half!" she replied sadly.
 
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."

"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
 
Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to
walk the beat.

They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn,
I was running late this morning after my workout and after I
showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back
to the station to get them."

George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9
unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."

It was a hot day and Mary didn't feel like heading back to the
station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog. Fido's nose
shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting.

After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs
the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.

Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.

Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.

Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.

Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance.
The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, followed by a
dozen police cars, Fido rounds the corner with the Desk
Sergeant's balls in his mouth.
 
mom advise gal if a boy puts hand in BRA , say- DONT
if he puts  hand in a PANTY say- STOP.

Next day gal told mom - he touched both and i said DONT STOP
 
The sky was dark


The moon was high


All alone


Just her and I


Her hair so soft


Her eyes so blue


I knew just what


She wanted to do


Her skin so soft


Her legs so fine


I ran my fingers


Down her spine


I didn't know how


But I tried my best


To place my hand


On her breasts


I remember my fear


My fast beating heart


But slowly she spread


Her legs apart


And when she did it


I felt no shame


All at once


The white stuff came


At last it's finished


It's all over now


My first time







Milking a cow!
 
A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have
a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to
have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over
to my house and I will put them with my two male talking
parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots
will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase
and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the
priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads
and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female
parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say,
"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and
exclaims, "Put the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
 
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.
You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't
move."
 
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to beat you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
"WHAT!"
"When you come in to beat me, can you bring a drink of water?"
 
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.
Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
 
One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son
into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room"
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
"The big sissy"
 
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
"That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."
 
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
 
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."
His mother heard what he was saying and
gasped, "What are you doing?"
The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
teaching my son in math?"
The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
of a bitch is four?"
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
 
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the
class,
"And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said,
"I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
 
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
"I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was
wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
"Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
 
A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
boys?"
Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
"If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him"
 
Back in Delhi when I was introduced to a Mr. Arvind
Lele, he extended his
hand and said "Lele". Taking his hand, I found it
impossible to avoid
replying "Dede". He had a Goan wife who had
separated from him, since her
first name and the surname did not go together when
she got married. Her name
was Rosemary. You can see it was pretty embarrassing
for her every time she
said her full name. { read in = Hindi - Roj meri
lele!

Out in USA, imagine the plight of an American lady
introducing two Indians to
each other with a straight face: She gestures
towards the Indian lady, saying
"See my butt", and then towards the gent with "Shake
my boob".

That is how Seema Bhatt met Sheikh Mehboob.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top