Jokes

I

ishankelvalkar

Ishan Kelvalkar
Why does Santa Claus have to be a man?

Bcoz no woman will wear the same dress year after year. =)) =D

2
Pappu ki amma mar gayi,
1 aadmi bola- amma, hamein bhi
le
jaati.
.
.
.
2-4 aadmi aur bole- amma
hamein bhi le
jaati...
.
.
.
.
.
Pappu - abe saalo, amma kya TATA
SUMO karke
gayi jo sbko le jati. :xp :D
 
Ek Ladka-Ladki Hotel Me Gaye......
Waiter:- Kya Loge.. ??. ..
Ladki:- Sabziyoo Waali Roti..:)).
Waiter:- What ??. ......
Ladka:- Gaon Ki Hai,PIZZA Maang Rahi
Hai..:O :p :D
 
TUFANI BARISH
ADHI RAAT
aadmi PIZZA HUT pe pizza lene aaya.

Waiter : Aap MARRIED ho?

Aadmi:Kutte aise tufan me kaun si Maa apne bete ko pizza lene bhejegi.!!
 
1 day...Rajnikant got angry on his sweeper boy.


So he kicked him so hard that he went flying in sky with his broom. . .........

Today the boy is famous as HARRY POTTER . . .!!!!
 
Har insaan ki 5 maa hoti hai.
.
.
1st apni maa.
.
.
2nd dadi maa.
.
.
3rd nani maa.
...
.
.
4th saasu ma.
.
.
Aur 1 maa wo jiske baare me mummy kehti hai: ye har roz 12 baje raat ko teri kaun si maa ka phone aata hai??
 
Man: Marry me.. ?
Woman: Do you have a flat .. ?
Man: No..
Woman: Do you have a maruti car.. ?
Man: No..
Woman: How much is your salary.. ?
Man: No salary.. but,..
Woman: No but. You have nothing.. How can i marry you.?? Leave please.!!3-|

Man: (talks to himself) I have one villa, 3 property lands, 3 Ferrari's, 2 Porsche's.. Why do I still need to buy Maruti .?! How can I get the salary when actually I'm the BOSS..

MORAL Women Please be patient & listen to wat guys have to say........ Ha ha.. :):)
 
Before marriage in dabangg
sonakshi ke nain
TERE MAST MAST DO NAIN. . .
after marriage in dabangg 2
sonakshi ke nain
DAGABAJ RE HAYE TORE NAINA
BADE DAGABAJ RE. . .

MORAL: shadi ke baad acche
accho ki bhi ankhe khul jati
 
A couple see's a hot girl.

Wife: So big, aren't they?
Husband: Yes!

Wife: Are they artificial?
Husband: I think natural

Wife:Earrings and Natural?
Husband: Silent..:P
 
Santa ki shaadi k 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya.

Santa : Ye 3 mahine me bacha kaise ho gaya..??

Biwi : Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai..??

Santa : 3 mahine.

Biwi : Aur meri shadi ko..??

Santa : 3 mahine.

Biwi : Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua..??

Santa : 3 mahine baad.

Biwi : Total kitne mahine ho gaye..??

Santa : Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye! time ka pata hi nahi laga?!!
 
India is a place where.
.
.
Anyone driving faster than
you is
"Saala yeh pakka marega"

Anyone driving slower than
you is
"Saala garden mein
Chala raha hai" !!
.
.
.
And anyone Driving Parallel
to you is
.
"Apne Baap
Se Race Lagayega tu...":-D;-)
♥ INCREDIBLE INDIA .. !! ♥
 
Teacher: who is d President of Iraq?

Johnny: I don't know miss

Teacher: U need to focus more on your studies.

Johnny: Pls Miss, can I ask a question?

Teacher: Yes.

Johnny: Do U know Angella

Teacher: Nope,why?

Johnny: U need to focus more on your husband!:P
 
A little boy was doing his maths homework, saying to himself, 2+5 the son of donkey is 7.. 3+6 the son of donkey is 9.

His mother heared this & gasped "wht r u doing?" the little boy answered, "I'm doing my math's homework Mom."
"And this is how ur teacher taught u to do it?"
"Yes", he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher nxt day,
"Are u teaching maths to children by saying 2+2, the son of donkey is 4?"
the teacher started laughing, and answrd "wht I taught them was, 2+2 THE SUM OF WHICH IS 4".
Dese kids! :SugarwareZ-183::SugarwareZ-246::SugarwareZ-246:
 
Gujaratis -
Investment - 1 cr
Sales - 1.5 cr
Expenses - 0.5 cr
Profit - 1 cr
Loss - none

Punjabis -
Investment - 1.5 cr ( loan taken from others)
Sales - 1 cr
Expenses - 1.5 cr
Profit - 0.5 (how still unknown)
Loss - oye, wo ki haii??

Marwadis -
Investment - 2 cr
Sales - 4 cr
Expenses - 2 cr
Profit - 2 cr
Loss - 3 cr :O ( wondering how?? Because their
expected profit was 5cr )

Hence, wenever u ask about business to a gujju, they
will say, 'chale che....'

Punjabis say, ''changa hai, sab vadiya....''

Marwadi will say..
.
.
.
''mandi hai bhaiyaa... ,mandi...!!" :P
 
%u092A%u092A%u094D%u092A%u0942 (%u0938%u094B%u0928%u0947 %u0938%u0947 %u092A%u0939%u0932%u0947), "%u0926%u093E%u0926%u0940, %u0907%u0938 %u0918%u0930 %u092E%u0947%u0902 %u0939%u092E 5 %u0932%u094B%u0917 %u0930%u0939%u0924%u0947 %u0939%u0948%u0902 %u0928%u093E, %u092A%u093E%u092A%u093E, %u092E%u093E%u092E%u093E, %u092E%u0948%u0902, %u0926%u0940%u0926%u0940 %u0914%u0930 %u0906%u092A?"
%u0926%u093E%u0926%u0940: %u0924%u0947%u0930%u0940 %u0936%u093E%u0926%u0940 %u0939%u094B%u0917%u0940 %u0924%u094B 6 %u0939%u094B %u091C%u093E%u092F%u0947%u0902%u0917%u0947!
%u092A%u092A%u094D%u092A%u0942: %u0926%u0940%u0926%u0940 %u0915%u0940 %u0936%u093E%u0926%u0940 %u0939%u094B%u0917%u0940 %u0924%u094B %u092B%u093F%u0930 5 %u0939%u094B %u091C%u093E%u092F%u0947%u0902%u0917%u0947?
%u0926%u093E%u0926%u0940: %u0924%u0947%u0930%u093E %u092C%u091A%u094D%u091A%u093E %u0939%u094B%u0917%u093E %u092B%u093F%u0930 6 %u0939%u094B %u091C%u093E%u092F%u0947%u0902%u0917%u0947!
%u092A%u092A%u094D%u092A%u0942: %u0906%u092A %u092E%u0930%u094B%u0917%u0947 %u0924%u094B %u092B%u093F%u0930 5 %u0939%u094B %u091C%u093E%u092F%u0947%u0902%u0917%u0947?
%u0926%u093E%u0926%u0940: %u0938%u094B %u091C%u093E %u0939%u0930%u093E%u092E%u091C%u093E%u0926%u0947!
 
Old but good one...
Ladki k Baap Ne Vidai Ke Waqt Santa Se
Kaha:''Beta Hamari Izzat Ab
Tumhare Haath Mein Hai.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Santa: Chinta Mat Kijiye Aaj Hi Loot
Loonga!.. :P :D
 
Engineer woh hain
jo aksar phasta hain
Interviews ke sawaal mey
Badi companiyon ke jaal mey
Boss aur client ke bawaal mey
Engineer woh hain jo pak gaya hain
Meetings ki jhelai mey
Submissions ki gehraai mey
Teamwork ki chataai mey
Engineer woh hain
jo laga rehta hain Schedule ko failane mey
Targets ko khiskaane mey
Roz naye-naye bahaane banane
mey
Engineer woh hain
jo lunch time mey Breakfast karta hain
Dinner time mey Lunch karta
hain aur
Commutation ke waqt soya
karta hain
Engineer woh hain jo paagal hain
Chai aur samose ke pyaar mey
Cigarette ke khumaar mey
Birdwatching ke vichaar mey
Engineer woh hain
jo khoya hain Reminders ke jawaab mey
Na milne waale hisaab mey
Behtar Bhavishya ke khwaab
mey
Engineer woh hain
jise intezaar hain Weekend nights par dhoom
machaane ka
Boss ke chutti par jaane ka
Increment ki khabar aane ka
Engineer woh hain
jo sochta hain Kaash padhaai par dhyaan diya
hota
Kaash teacher se panga na liya
hota
Kaash ishq na kiya hota....
Kaash.... ;);)
 
Rearrange spell out a part of the human body which is more useful when erect. P N E S I .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

People who wrote SPINE became doctors.. The rest are all my friends.:SugarwareZ-240:
 
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.. When he enters a roomeveryone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God.":SugarwareZ-177::SugarwareZ-080:
 
Girl (in train) :- Can I sit here ?

Boy :- its all urs ..............

Girl :- Can I take some water ?

Boy :- My Pleasure .................

Girl : - Bhaiya Agla station kaun sa hai ?
.
.
.
.
Boy :- Mere baap ne mere dimag me koi GPS fit nahi kiya hai ,
jaldi seat khali kar mujhe neend aa rahi hai ..............::SugarwareZ-143::SugarwareZ-143:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top