jokes

scottroy

John Hummer
While visiting India, George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.

He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct.. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong ..

It's Manmohan Singh!"
 
Does Management know their Staff?


On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company
noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him,
"How much do you earn?"

The young man was quite amazed
that he was asked such a personal question,
he replied, none the less, "I earn Rs. 2000.00 a month,
Sir. Why?"

Without answering, the MD took out his wallet
and removed Rs.6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,
"Around here I pay people for working,
not for standing around looking pretty!

Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back".

The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.

Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,
"And that applies to everybody in this company".

He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man
I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"

delivering pizza you ordered for lunch.
 
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes,
so I'll give each of you one wish each."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.
In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."


Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
 
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
 
sign at petrol pump-
"kripya yahan dhumprapan na kare. aapki zindagi ki kimat ho ya na ho, petrol ki kimat 62.04/litre h."
 
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.
 
Jomy after having bought a new double door extra cooling refrigerator wanted to get rid of his old and enormous space consuming refrigerator. He didn't have time to go through the regular procedure of finding a buyer and so he just put a tag of "IF you want you can have it free " on the old one and kept it in his garden. but unfortunately found no takers. finaly he replaced the tag with "refrigerator for 100 Rs" next day he found it stolen.
 
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