This Accountant bloke arrived home late one night and his wife says
"Where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates." he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in
disdain; "why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill
tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow,
and two; once in a while I like to play with my money,
three; I like how money feels in my hand
and lastly;
instead of you going shopping, you can stay right here at
home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Superman was feeling bored after a long streak of crime fighting and
wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to
go to a club and pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied
a few beers.
Spiderman told him he had a date with Cat Woman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to
see if she was free.
As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with
her legs open.
Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I
could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was
happening."
So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily.
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder Woman said: "Did you hear something?"
"No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my arse hurts like hell!"
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to
open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and
a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and notices his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around
the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So
is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on
the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious.
You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a
black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Get your hands off
me,bitch! I'm married!'"
Moral of the Story:
Self-induced hangover... $100
Broken furniture... $2,000
Breakfast... $10
Saying the right thing to your wife when you're drunk...PRICELESS
"Where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates." he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in
disdain; "why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill
tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow,
and two; once in a while I like to play with my money,
three; I like how money feels in my hand
and lastly;
instead of you going shopping, you can stay right here at
home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
Superman was feeling bored after a long streak of crime fighting and
wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to
go to a club and pick up some girls.
Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.
A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied
a few beers.
Spiderman told him he had a date with Cat Woman.
As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to
see if she was free.
As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with
her legs open.
Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I
could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was
happening."
So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily.
Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder Woman said: "Did you hear something?"
"No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my arse hurts like hell!"
Martin wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to
open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and
a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and notices his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Martin looks around
the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless and clean. So
is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on
the table.
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So he goes to the kitchen and, sure enough, there is a hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Martin asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 a.m., drunk and delirious.
You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a
black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Martin asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Get your hands off
me,bitch! I'm married!'"
Moral of the Story:
Self-induced hangover... $100
Broken furniture... $2,000
Breakfast... $10
Saying the right thing to your wife when you're drunk...PRICELESS