Jokes

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shreyas.leo

New member
Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if
I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,
one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair
of the same at home.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football
and the game went into extra time.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged,
will you give me a ring?"
"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"


:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'For twenty years my husband and I were very happy'
'What happened then?'
'We met.'

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight, will it
get to Brighton in two days' time?'
Post Master : 'Well it might do.'
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to London.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out
of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is
grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
 
shreyas.leo said:
Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if
I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,
one is green and one is blue with red spots!



hi hahhahahahhhahaa:SugarwareZ-297::SugarwareZ-297:
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair
of the same at home.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football
and the game went into extra time.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged,
will you give me a ring?"
"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"


:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

'For twenty years my husband and I were very happy'
'What happened then?'
'We met.'

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight, will it
get to Brighton in two days' time?'
Post Master : 'Well it might do.'
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to London.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out
of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is
grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Click to expand...
hi hahahhaha:SugarwareZ-297::SugarwareZ-297::SugarwareZ-297:
 
A man boards a flight from Delhi to Mumbai and takes his seat. As he settles
in, he glances up and sees a gorgeous woman boarding the plane.

He soon realizes she's heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she
takes the seat right next to his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks 'Business trip or vacation?'

She turns, smiles, and says, 'Business. I'm going to the annual Sexologists Convention.'

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting
next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to contain his excitement and
maintain his composure, he calmly asks, 'What's your business role at this
convention?'

'Lecturer,' she says, 'I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths
about sexuality.'

'Really?' he says, swallowing hard. 'What m-m-m-myths are those?'

'Well,' she explains, 'one popular myth is that African men are the best
endowed when, in fact, it's the Tamilian who is most likely to possess that
trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, whereas
actually it is the Bengali. However, we have found that the best potential
lover in all categories is the Sardar.'

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes. 'I'm sorry,'
she says, 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your
name!'

'Venkatraman!' the man blurts out. ‘Venkatraman Mukherjee!’ But all my friends
call me ‘Joginder Singh!’
 
some funny but witty quotes:

" I am never wrong. I was wrong once, but it turned out I was mistaken."
" Punctuality is the virtue of the bored."
"On a billboard, it was written 'We need to talk - God."
 
Dear all,


Received on my personal Email, NICE ONE.....


Some Rules that NEWTON forgot to mention


Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the
least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to
the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive
last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


Keep Smiling Always. . .
 
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