IT Jokes !!!

S

sunandaC

Sunanda K. Chavan
WINDOWS XP ERROR MESSAGES

A few of the new error messages that were taken under consideration during the development of the Windows XP operating system...

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.

Close your eyes and press escape three times.

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)"

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)"
 
Last edited:
LIFE ON THE ETCH-A-SKETCH HELP DESK

A day in the life at the etch-a-sketch help desk...

Q:My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A:Pick it up and shake it.

Q:How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A:Pick it up and shake it.

Q:What's the shortcut for Undo?
A:Pick it up and shake it.

Q:How do I create a New Document window?
A:Pick it up and shake it.

Q:How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A:Pick it up and shake it.

Q:What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A:Pick it up and shake it.

Q:How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A:Pick it up and shake it.

Q:How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A:Don't shake it.
 
You know that you are addicted to internet when...


Your bookmarks takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.

All of your friends have an @ in their names.

You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Excite.

You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

Your phone bill is delivered in a box.

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.

You forget what year it is.

You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
 
In the beginning was the computer. And God said :Let there be light!

#You have not signed on yet.
:God.

#Enter user password.
:Omniscient.

#Password Incorrect. Try again!
:Omnipotent.

#Password Incorrect. Try again!
 
Conversation with technical support

Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."

Tech Support: "What browser are you using, Netscape or Microsoft?"
Customer: "Netscape."
Tech Support: "Could you read to me what it says at the top of the window?"
Customer: "'Global Travel Conference - Microsoft Internet Explorer'."

Tech Support: "Are you installing on a Mac?"
Customer: "No, I'm using a 3.5" thingee on a disk."

Tech Support: "This has Windows 98 on it -- did it have Windows 98 or 95 on it when it was sent out for repair?"
Customer: "I think it had Office 97."

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

Customer: "I keep getting an error message whenever I try using the MSDOS mode in Windows 95."
Tech Support: "Can you describe what happens?"
Customer: "Well, I keep getting a black screen with an error message saying, 'C:\WINDOWS>'."

Tech Support: "which drive is your CD ROM?"
Customer: "the top one."

Customer: "Do I hit 'F' and '8' at the same time?"

Tech Support: "Your password will be...a small 'a' as in apple, a capital 'V' as in Victor, the number '7' "
Customer: "Is that a capital '7'?"

Tech Support: "Ok, let's try once more, but use lower case letters..."
Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard."
 
NASA was interviweing professionals to be sent to mars..

Only one person could go, and he will not return to earth.

The first applicant was an American Engineer. He was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. He answered, "1 Million dollars as i wish to donate it to M.I.T"

The next applicant was a russian doctor. Even he was asked the same question. he said," 2 million dollars.. 1million for my family and the rest for the advancement of medical research"

Then finally the third applicant was an /indian engineer. he answered "3million dollars"

on this the interviewer asked.. "Why more than the rest two of them "?
He replied, "1million is for u, i will keep 1million and well give the american engineer 1million and send him to mars"
 
A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"

The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to sleep.
 
What is the difference between a cat and a dog, Dogs think: Humans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so they must be Gods; cats instead think: HUmans are benevolent, they feed me, and take care of me, so I must be God.
 
TOP TEN LINES FROM INTERNET CHAT ROOMS

1 You're different... I've never felt like this about someone I've never met before.

2 I'm new online and haven't had time to create a profile... but tell me more about yourself.

3 I never do Cybersex! Yet here in this room alone with you, well, I'm getting excited.

4 I'm 5'4, blonde hair, blue eyes and everyone loves my body!

5 I'm 6'0, great tan, and buffed from working out.
 
6 Yes of course I'm female...

7 I'm in this private room consoling a depressed friend.

8 No this is my only screen name... You mean you can have more then one?

9 I'm not like most of the guy's/gal's here, I want to meet so we can just have coffee and get to know each other. (at the hotel coffee shop)

10 I don't care what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts (Which is true, it means: I'm horny and could care less, just type)
 
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
 
WINDOZE QUOTES

• "How much do Windows cost, and do you have to buy each one separately?"

• Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"

• Tech Support: "Do you have any windows open right now?"
Customer: "Are you crazy woman, it's twenty below outside..."

• "I try to avoid using Microsoft. That's why I use MS-DOS."
 
• "I have a 386 Pentium."

• "My brother has a 486 with a Pentium chip in it."

• Customer: "The computer told me it had contagious memory. Does it have a virus?"
Tech Support: "No, that is 'contiguous' memory, as in 'sequential'."
Customer: "That is impossible, it said 'contagious'."
Tech Support: "Type 'mem' and hit the 'enter' key." Customer: "Oh."

• "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
 
MICROSOFT BUYS A LITTLE TIME

In a surprise move, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates announced yesterday that he has purchased the entire calendar year of 1998. 1998 will be replaced instead by "Year-M" to be followed by actual 1998.

"Windows 98 was not going to ship on schedule," Gates said. "But we couldn't change the name again... people were starting to get confused. So instead of spending a lot of time and money on a new marketing campaign we decided just to buy 1998. That way we get an extra year to debug Windows and get it shipped for what will be the new 1998."

Microsoft arranged this coup by leveraging its financial assets to bail out the Federal Government and pay off the national debt.

The IRS is being disbanded for next year, but taxes will be collected as usual with one change: all checks must be made payable to "Bill Gates." A side benefit of this purchase is that Gates now owns the judicial branch for the duration of "Year-M."

Speculators stated that Gates would likely use this opportunity to dismiss the numerous lawsuits pending against Microsoft. Gates apparently feels this would be cheaper than actually hiring lawyers to represent his rickety cases.

In a related story, God has filed suit against Gates because of his purchase, claiming time to be the sole property of God. In a counter suit, Gates claims God is a monopoly and demands that he be broken up into "deity conglomerates."

"Gosh," said Gates. "They broke up AT&T... why can't we break up God?"

Inside sources at Microsoft said that Gates was looking for an early resolution to the suit by hiring God as a programmer. Evidently, God has the exact profile that Gates is looking for in a programmer: he doesn't mind rainy climates, doesn't need any money, isn't married, and can work for at least 6 days without sleeping.

"If we could just get some employees like that," Gates lamented, "we would be able to ship Windows 98 on time.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top