vengabeats
Nilesh Nagdev
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom
Sir Norman Wisdom
One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
Edgar Watson Howe
Edgar Watson Howe
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!
Doug Larson
Doug Larson
A harmful truth is always better then...a useful lie!
Eric Bolton[FONT='Bookman Old',Style][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT='Bookman Old Style']
Eric Bolton[FONT='Bookman Old',Style][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER]
[CENTER][CENTER][FONT='Bookman Old Style']
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
Erno Philips
Erno Philips
I only go to work on days that don’t end in a 'y'.
Robert Paul
Robert Paul
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller
Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
Victor Borge
Victor Borge
Start every day with a smile and get it over with.
W.C. Fields
W.C. Fields
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
Will Rogers
Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Mickey Rooney
Mickey Rooney
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Tim Allen
Tim Allen
If you never want to see a man again, say, 'I love you, I want to marry you. I want to have children...' - they leave skid marks.
Rita Rudner
Rita Rudner
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
Woody Allen
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
Erica Jong
Erica Jong
Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out of it alive.
Elbert Hubbard
Elbert Hubbard
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
Wendell Johnson
Wendell Johnson
In life, it's not who you know that’s important, its how your wife found out.
Joey Adams
Joey Adams
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henry Youngman
Henry Youngman
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
Benny Hill
Benny Hill
