Recent content by 5000forum

Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow.

A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies So, when he was approaching a field during the nighttime, instead of making any official request to the tower, he said, "Guess Who?" The Controller switched the field lights off and replied: "Guess Where!

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for 3 minutes," replied the pilot. "That's too much," said the farmer. The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I'll make you a deal. If you and your wife...

Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here! The two look at each other, shrug and exchange...

Personnel Manager interviewing prospective employee: "Your application states you were at your last place for 25 years. Then what made you leave the place?" Hoperful applicant: "I was forced to-they granted me parole!"

Personal Manager to New job applicant: "Why did your manager fire you?" "Well a manager is the man who stands arround and watches others work, right? " the young appicant replied. "Yes, but why did he fire you?" "He was jelous of me. A lot of workers thought i was the manager!"

Personnel manager: "What made you leave your last job?" Applicant: "Sickness." Personnel manager: "And what was the problem?" Applicant: "My boss was sick of me!"

A manager is known by three measures: # The thickness of the carpet in his office. # The area of his desk. # The volume of his car's engine.

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?" Student : "Brotherly love".

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?" Pupil : "A teacher".

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil : "The moon". Teacher : "Why?" Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".

When the teacher entered the class all the boys were standing. The teacher said: 'Now, all of you sit down except those who are absolutely dull and duffers?' All the boys sat down except Rajan. Teacher: 'Why Rajan? Are you absolutely dull and a duffer?' Rajan: 'No sir. The thing is that you...

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was...

Child: "Why do you send me to school for." Mother: "To make a man out of you." Child: "But my teacher makes everyday a cock out of me."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright...