Yeh Shaadi Nahi Ho Sakti..

[gaurav200x]

We live in the 22nd century, man has gone to the moon, there is inter-mixing of cultures, we have become modern and trendy by the day, yet if we look around we still see some practices being followed around us, which show how rigid and backward we still are in our thinking. In the recent past, one of this incident happened with my friend.

This guy was incredibly in love with a girl and the girl also loved him a lot. Both were very happy, had seen so many future plans, but fate had something else stored for them. As ill-luck would have it, one day the girl's parents came to know about the affair. She was severly reprimanded and went through a high mental agony. Even my friend was in a miserable state. The reason being, that the girl's father is an orthodox hindu brahmin who doesn't believe in love marriages and plans to get the girl married according to his wishes to a hindu brahmin only. This came as a severe shock to me. Both the guy and the girl were very well suited for each, understood and cared for each and I can say it with a lot of confidence, that if they had managed to become a couple, they would surely have had a great married life.

However, what fails to get acknowledged here is the attitude of the girl's father. I just do not understand what would he ever achieve in getting the girl married to someone whom she doesn't love, or would such an alliance assure that the girl would get the same love as that with my friend? Is it really necessary to get married in one's caste? Does it provide some sort of social and emotional security or something which my friend couldn't provide? Was the girl's father right in putting his needs before his daughter's?

I really fail to answer these hounding questions and they leave me absolutely clueless !!!!

What has really happened to us? Why are we still hell bent on the age old traditions which hold absolutely no meaning? Why can't we open our minds to just a little bit and explore the world outside? No.... we don't do that.... Why? Because thay say that, that has been the practice in my family for generations and hence I refuse to change myself with time.

At times, we become such hypocrites that we fail to realise the big difference between we do and what we say? We would take the lord's name day-in and day-out. Chant 'Hare Krishna, Hare Rama' with every breath, but forget their deeds.
Lord Krishna and Radha's sacred love has been bowed upon by the entire world. We bow and pray to thee. Sita Mata selected her life partner through a swayamvar (gathering in which the bride chooses the most eligble match for herself amongst a number of potential candidates)

We know all this. We have been teaching all these epics to our children and great grandchildren in the form of sacred texts, yet when it comes to us, we still choose a non-sensical approach. I would like to ask the readers one simple question? What is the difference between an educated girl and an illitrate one if she doesn't even have the freedom to choose her life partner? What is the difference if she is being merely tethered from one hook (her parent's house) to another hook (her future home) against her wishes?

Frankly speaking, i am clueless here....

In today's world, it is very rare to find love. People just aren't that committed and even if such a falling off happens, they easily make a transition to a new partner. Even if you forget about pre-marital affairs, for a moment, how many people in a marriage, are actually committed to their spouse? So who gives the guarantee that an arranged marriage within one's own community or caste can enforce such a commitment.

Either we are too naive or just prefer to keep our eyes closed, despite knowing all this; and what about the more modern, educated ones? The girl just preferred to go alongwith her parents wishes without even talking properly to her parents, despite being so educated, despite knowing that what she is doing is wrong. But she is a girl, perhaps her will power doesn't allow her to talk back to her parents. As a matter of the fact, she was so scared of her parents, she never even talked to the guy properly... !!

If you ask me, the advocates of caste-based marriage are a bunch of selfish people, who blindly follow what everyone else follows. They do not love their children and are selfish enough to kill their child's likes for the sake of their own, just to show their fake pride and honour; and those who just go alongwith this baloney have no right to call themselves as educated.

However, i do pray to God to bless them both with peace and comfort in their minds and a happy future for both of them.....

 

[Abhi]

HI ,

Let us try to understand why parents behave like this ?

1.. They feel that their kids can't take proper decisions(They don't know what they want).

2. To prove their authoority( Kind of identity crisis)

3. Worried about ill reputation in the society.

4.Not convinced that lover of their child is a good match.. or believe that they can give a better person/ future.


So it is responsibility of the children to convince their parents.
Stand strong for them self and stand for their love.

Abhi

 

[gaurav200x]

HI ,

Let us try to understand why parents behave like this ?

1.. They feel that their kids can't take proper decisions(They don't know what they want).

2. To prove their authoority( Kind of identity crisis)

3. Worried about ill reputation in the society.

4.Not convinced that lover of their child is a good match.. or believe that they can give a better person/ future.


So it is responsibility of the children to convince their parents.
Stand strong for them self and stand for their love.

Abhi

Absolutely correct Abhi. Unfortunately, not everyone is as strong as we like and even though people commit lot of things, but at the end, they break down.

 

[dpka]

hmm... CASTE, RELIGION, STARS... these things do no make a difference. yes some habbits, cultural factors n families do matter a lot. how ever the point is that no two sensible people would get into a relation wihout considering these factors.
and agreement of parents is an essential element of marraige.... and all parents would love their children being happily setled than forcing them into a meaningless relation. orthodox nature n narrow mindedness have been d most important factors 4 india's backwardness... ts time we let go these hurdles 2 happiness n prosperity!

 

[gaurav200x]

hmm... CASTE, RELIGION, STARS... these things do no make a difference. yes some habbits, cultural factors n families do matter a lot. how ever the point is that no two sensible people would get into a relation wihout considering these factors.
and agreement of parents is an essential element of marraige.... and all parents would love their children being happily setled than forcing them into a meaningless relation. orthodox nature n narrow mindedness have been d most important factors 4 india's backwardness... ts time we let go these hurdles 2 happiness n prosperity!

I think if the two people are flexible, then, they can overcome any dis-similarity. Caste, creed, does not matter at all. There is always a generation gap, so what u say, ur parents might not accept it and hence, it becomes ur responsibility to talk to them and make them understand it.

I dont think even cultural factors matter a lot. If the guy and the girl are comfortable with each other, then surely the parents can adjust.

 

[alimurtaza_82]

Well i think it all depends upon how open ur family culture is to this matter...if both the lovers love each other, then the religion, caste etc barrier shouldnt be a hindrance. However as i said both the families should be receptive too. There is no point in rebelling against ur own family.