nitinpahuja
Nitin Pahuja
LYING – IS IT STILL A TABOO?
As creatures created with a conscience and an inner sense of justice all of us detest being lied to, regardless of the situation or circumstance. The truth of the matter is that we all at one time or the other in our lives have fabricated the truth and are likely to do so again. People are so engaged in managing how others perceive them that they are often unable to separate truth from fiction even in their own minds.
As always, let’s start with the definition of lying. The Merriam-Webster defines lying as:
Lies Defined:
1. To make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2. To create a false or misleading impression
3. Anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.
By the definition it is clear that in order to create a lie there has to be the intent to deceive.
So why do we lie? There are many reasons to lie. Lie is a medium to translate the fear deep inside our heart. Sometimes we can understand it as the medium to turn an adverse situation in our favour which we can be translated in terms of fear as follows. Adverse situation are those where we are going to loose something and we fear the same. That is the reason we tell lie to make it favourable to us. Sometimes we lie to save ourselves. Sometimes we do not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
A lie may do more damage than a gun fired in anger. Lying is the doorway to any number of evils. We may distinguish between lying in the sense of teaching a falsehood about reality--e.g., propagating atheism or a false doctrine--and lying in the sense of deliberately misleading and deceiving another about a matter of which he has certain knowledge. The first sort of lie may in fact be based on honest conviction; while the other lie is deliberate deception.
So let’s list the probable categories of lies:
Harmless Lies
1. Tall Tales and Jokes: Have you heard these before? I have – from kids and braggarts. How about jokes? Most of those are exaggerated or even half-truths. Most of those are said with no intention of deceit.
2. Charitable or “White” Lies: When we lie do the right thing and to avoid certain harm to another or protect somebody’s privacy.
Harmful Lies
1. Unintentional Lies: When we do not know for a fact that what we say is false this could just be an error and rash judgment. This sort of lie is not intentionally said however, the person is guilty of being misinformed.
2. Intentional Lies: To say something else other than what we know to be true with the intention to deceive. It is immaterial whether we are believed or not. We use these to avoid the realities in life and to avoid the consequences of certain actions, including lying. These lies could even be as a result of getting caught up in the moment and copying others. It could also be for personal gain. We lie to impress others, to get attention, to get something we want or avoid getting something we don’t want or to boost self esteem. Another cause might be if one is instructed, or more strongly, forced, to tell a lie.
The Lie of Omission: A lie of omission is to remain silent when ethical behavior calls for one to speak up. A lie of omission is a method of deception and duplicity that uses the technique of simply remaining silent when speaking the truth would significantly alters the other person's capacity to make an informed decision.
The Master of Lies:
Not everybody can catch a lie with absolute certainty.
Let me assure you that any preconceived notions you may have about who or what a liar is like -- how they might look or act are totally false. Liars are the greatest master of disguises, deceits, illusions, cons, and manipulations the world has ever seen. They are actors extraordinaire.
Being able to tell whether someone is lying is by no means easy. Each person is different; each person has his or her differing abilities and conceptions on how to come across as being honest and truthful, thus making each case distinct. Often it is easy to be naïve and gullible and habitually give the benefit of doubt. Therefore, it is practically impossible to accurately determine consistently whether someone is pulling a fast one or not. However, for all of those who do not possess immediate access to a polygraph, brain printing, or thermal imaging machine, given below is a quick check list to spot those tellers of tales:
1. Long pauses and stutters, accompanied by slow speech
2. Absence of specifications such as names, times, locations
3. A lie usually has more structure as the liar attempts to overcompensate by telling events in sequential or chronological order
4. The emotion conveyed in the lie should be consistent with facial expression; any slight inconsistencies usually indicate a falsehood
5. Liars often behave abnormally due to the added pressure of trying to convincingly lie, look out for signs of mental weariness and emotional strain as the lie progresses
6. Unnecessary finger pointing, nervous foot tapping, or exaggerated facial expressions of being falsely accused, are all common indicators.
On a lighter note, did you know that even this common form of deceit is an art by itself?
Call it what you will, porkies, white lies and plain old lying through your teeth. All of the mentioned are synonymous with the art of deceit.
There are some basic requisites for a good liar:
A razor sharp memory – one needs to remember who has been furnished with what part of the fabricated story and how imaginative one has been when mentioning details. There are many instances when one thoughtlessly says something and then contradicts himself to another person. This can be avoided only by standardizing responses.
Presence of mind – a sudden cross question could pull the feet from under your floor. The masters of the art can still twist the tale to their benefit.
Innocent expression – a wide-eyed puppy dog look is often a rehearsed appearance and is guaranteed to win general acceptance. Pretty girls and handsome lads are normally gifted in this area!!
Clear voice – a clear tone indicates stability which represents reality/truth. This can be a major advantage when trying to fib.
Confidence – the body language of a person must be well-controlled to send only those signals which advocate the narration.
Spunk – this is needed when one is actually caught lying. The person should have the gall to accept it and yet survive the situation. An honest apology never fails to make its mark. Unnecessarily covering up our act only makes us cowards and wimps.
Today, one lies - NOT WITH THE INTENTION OF CREATING TROUBLE BUT MORE FOR AVOIDING IT. That does not change the character of the deceit. It however is not only accepted but practiced with such frequency that it comes as second nature to us humans.
So we in our capacity as the “in” generation must be discreet in our plundering in life. After all, we must be able to stand tall and proclaim to our offsprings that we lived a decent life and that we indeed lead by example.
Otherwise in years to come, we will reach a stage where we turn a blind eye to all vices, regardless of their intensity and the virtues we learnt in these decayed, righteous years will have no significance. And then with what values and principles will we bring up the generations to come? That remains a million-dollar question, doesn’t it? Let’s chew on it…
As creatures created with a conscience and an inner sense of justice all of us detest being lied to, regardless of the situation or circumstance. The truth of the matter is that we all at one time or the other in our lives have fabricated the truth and are likely to do so again. People are so engaged in managing how others perceive them that they are often unable to separate truth from fiction even in their own minds.
As always, let’s start with the definition of lying. The Merriam-Webster defines lying as:
Lies Defined:
1. To make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2. To create a false or misleading impression
3. Anything that gives or is meant to give a false impression.
By the definition it is clear that in order to create a lie there has to be the intent to deceive.
So why do we lie? There are many reasons to lie. Lie is a medium to translate the fear deep inside our heart. Sometimes we can understand it as the medium to turn an adverse situation in our favour which we can be translated in terms of fear as follows. Adverse situation are those where we are going to loose something and we fear the same. That is the reason we tell lie to make it favourable to us. Sometimes we lie to save ourselves. Sometimes we do not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
A lie may do more damage than a gun fired in anger. Lying is the doorway to any number of evils. We may distinguish between lying in the sense of teaching a falsehood about reality--e.g., propagating atheism or a false doctrine--and lying in the sense of deliberately misleading and deceiving another about a matter of which he has certain knowledge. The first sort of lie may in fact be based on honest conviction; while the other lie is deliberate deception.
So let’s list the probable categories of lies:
Harmless Lies
1. Tall Tales and Jokes: Have you heard these before? I have – from kids and braggarts. How about jokes? Most of those are exaggerated or even half-truths. Most of those are said with no intention of deceit.
2. Charitable or “White” Lies: When we lie do the right thing and to avoid certain harm to another or protect somebody’s privacy.
Harmful Lies
1. Unintentional Lies: When we do not know for a fact that what we say is false this could just be an error and rash judgment. This sort of lie is not intentionally said however, the person is guilty of being misinformed.
2. Intentional Lies: To say something else other than what we know to be true with the intention to deceive. It is immaterial whether we are believed or not. We use these to avoid the realities in life and to avoid the consequences of certain actions, including lying. These lies could even be as a result of getting caught up in the moment and copying others. It could also be for personal gain. We lie to impress others, to get attention, to get something we want or avoid getting something we don’t want or to boost self esteem. Another cause might be if one is instructed, or more strongly, forced, to tell a lie.
The Lie of Omission: A lie of omission is to remain silent when ethical behavior calls for one to speak up. A lie of omission is a method of deception and duplicity that uses the technique of simply remaining silent when speaking the truth would significantly alters the other person's capacity to make an informed decision.
The Master of Lies:
Not everybody can catch a lie with absolute certainty.
Let me assure you that any preconceived notions you may have about who or what a liar is like -- how they might look or act are totally false. Liars are the greatest master of disguises, deceits, illusions, cons, and manipulations the world has ever seen. They are actors extraordinaire.
Being able to tell whether someone is lying is by no means easy. Each person is different; each person has his or her differing abilities and conceptions on how to come across as being honest and truthful, thus making each case distinct. Often it is easy to be naïve and gullible and habitually give the benefit of doubt. Therefore, it is practically impossible to accurately determine consistently whether someone is pulling a fast one or not. However, for all of those who do not possess immediate access to a polygraph, brain printing, or thermal imaging machine, given below is a quick check list to spot those tellers of tales:
1. Long pauses and stutters, accompanied by slow speech
2. Absence of specifications such as names, times, locations
3. A lie usually has more structure as the liar attempts to overcompensate by telling events in sequential or chronological order
4. The emotion conveyed in the lie should be consistent with facial expression; any slight inconsistencies usually indicate a falsehood
5. Liars often behave abnormally due to the added pressure of trying to convincingly lie, look out for signs of mental weariness and emotional strain as the lie progresses
6. Unnecessary finger pointing, nervous foot tapping, or exaggerated facial expressions of being falsely accused, are all common indicators.
On a lighter note, did you know that even this common form of deceit is an art by itself?
Call it what you will, porkies, white lies and plain old lying through your teeth. All of the mentioned are synonymous with the art of deceit.
There are some basic requisites for a good liar:
A razor sharp memory – one needs to remember who has been furnished with what part of the fabricated story and how imaginative one has been when mentioning details. There are many instances when one thoughtlessly says something and then contradicts himself to another person. This can be avoided only by standardizing responses.
Presence of mind – a sudden cross question could pull the feet from under your floor. The masters of the art can still twist the tale to their benefit.
Innocent expression – a wide-eyed puppy dog look is often a rehearsed appearance and is guaranteed to win general acceptance. Pretty girls and handsome lads are normally gifted in this area!!
Clear voice – a clear tone indicates stability which represents reality/truth. This can be a major advantage when trying to fib.
Confidence – the body language of a person must be well-controlled to send only those signals which advocate the narration.
Spunk – this is needed when one is actually caught lying. The person should have the gall to accept it and yet survive the situation. An honest apology never fails to make its mark. Unnecessarily covering up our act only makes us cowards and wimps.
Today, one lies - NOT WITH THE INTENTION OF CREATING TROUBLE BUT MORE FOR AVOIDING IT. That does not change the character of the deceit. It however is not only accepted but practiced with such frequency that it comes as second nature to us humans.
So we in our capacity as the “in” generation must be discreet in our plundering in life. After all, we must be able to stand tall and proclaim to our offsprings that we lived a decent life and that we indeed lead by example.
Otherwise in years to come, we will reach a stage where we turn a blind eye to all vices, regardless of their intensity and the virtues we learnt in these decayed, righteous years will have no significance. And then with what values and principles will we bring up the generations to come? That remains a million-dollar question, doesn’t it? Let’s chew on it…
