Description
The truth is that we can use wellmanaged confl ict to bring enormous benefi ts to people and companies. In fact, confl ict management is often one of the biggest drivers of change. Properly handled, it can help people to be more innovative and can create stronger bonds, build effective teams and improve performance. The key is to openly face an issue and negotiate a win-win outcome.
www. i md. ch No.149 June 2007
SIX ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR MANAGING
CONFLICT
Are you afraid of con?ict? This is perfectly
normal! Instinctively, our brains tell us
that con?ict is dangerous, so our natural
inclination is to do battle or run away.
However, fear of con?ict can turn leaders,
managers and employees into ‘psycho-
logical hostages’ who are paralyzed and
unable to challenge others.
The truth is that we can use well-
managed con?ict to bring enormous
bene?ts to people and companies.
In fact, con?ict management is often
one of the biggest drivers of change.
Properly handled, it can help people
to be more innovative and can create
stronger bonds, build effective teams
and improve performance. The key is
to openly face an issue and negotiate a
win-win outcome.
How can con?ict bene?t companies
and individuals?
Typically, managers spend at least
24% of their time managing con?ict,
according to a survey by the American
Management Association. Does that
sound like a shocking waste? In fact,
it is an opportunity – if con?ict is dealt
with constructively.
Con?icts are the lifeblood of high-
performing organizations. Disputes,
disagreements and diverse points
of view about strategy and imple-
mentation create energy, bring about
change, stimulate creativity and help
form strongly bonded teams in full
alignment.
Organizations that encourage people
to raise dif?cult issues ?nd that doing
so leads to innovation, new goals and
the changes needed to achieve them.
This approach has been adopted by
many of the world’s largest multi-
nationals, as well as law enforcement
agencies, humanitarian agencies and
governments.
Confronting con?ict does have risks,
however. If not properly managed, and
if the result is win-lose, the process
can undermine teams and can damage
mutual respect, alignment, engagement
and trust. However, there is every
reason to believe that all con?icts can
result in win-win outcomes.
One of the most extreme and violent
manifestations of con?ict occurs when
an individual or group is being physically
held hostage. In fact more than 95 per-
cent of hostage incidents are resolved
peacefully, with the hostages freed,
and the hostage-taker surrendering,
accepting the consequences to come.
We can all use the tactics that produce
this extraordinary success rate to
defuse con?icts in our business and
personal lives.
What is con?ict?
Con?ict manifests itself as a difference
between two or more persons or groups
characterized by tension, disagree-
ment, emotion or polarization, where
bonding is broken or lacking. The most
important con?icts – the ones that,
George Kohlrieser
IMD Professor
of Leadership and
Organizational Behavior
when managed well, lead to positive results
in teams – are the ones in which people feel
personally invested in their positions or are
bringing something of themselves as human
beings into the interaction.
Companies are increasingly diverse with a large
number of interdependencies – and thus the
potential for many disagreements. As a manager,
you are one voice among many. Your responsibility
is likely to exceed your authority. You will inevitably
be faced with con?ict: Dealing openly with it
will usually improve your chances of achieving
your goals.
People create con?ict as a direct result of the
human bonding cycle, in which bonds are broken,
resulting in loss, disappointment, frustration, pain
and even grief – real or anticipated. However, if you
can understand how people deal with loss, you
will have a better insight into the con?ict and how
to resolve it. It is very important to recognize how
loss, disappointment, and even change can create
feelings of separation and pain, which can break
the bond in working relationships.
Companies can cause people to suffer pain and
other negative emotions every day – a missed
promotion, a poor performance review, the ending
of a successful project. When we suffer loss, we
experience deep needs that may not be met, which
results in more con?ict. It is important to remem-
ber that con?icts starts when bonding ends.
How to Manage Con?ict for High Performance
Before we can manage con?ict, we must manage
ourselves. In the face of con?ict, our natural reaction
is either ?ght, ?ight or freeze. We can overcome
this fear by mastering our emotions and our focus.
Human beings exist in one of many ‘states’. A state is
a combination of feelings, thoughts, physiology, and
behavior, and it largely determines how we act. We
can change a ‘state’ from negative to positive, from
fear to courage, and do what is counterintuitive: go
towards the person with whom we are in con?ict.
A key tactic for doing this is to manage our focus
in the mind’s eye, one of the brain’s most powerful
mechanisms. It forms the way we view a particular
situation and determines how we will act or react.
Most of us have heard about how successful
athletes improve performance by visualizing win-
ning and never losing sight of their goal. Another
example is the way some executives improve their
public speaking skills by imagining themselves
captivating their audience. All high performers use
their mind’s eye to focus on the bene?ts beyond the
fear, the danger or potential pain.
The mind’s eye is a fundamental tool to create a
positive or negative result in managing con?ict. Our
mind’s eye is shaped by experiences and choice,
which determine the way we view the world and,
ultimately, determine success or failure in dealing
with con?ict. Many leaders in con?ict situations are
‘hostages’ to their inner fears and other negative
emotions and fail to see the opportunities in
resolving them.
Research by the authors and Professors Chris
Neck and Charles Manz
1
suggests that we can
change the way we perceive a situation by creating
an inner dialogue – telling ourselves to see some-
thing as an opportunity, not as an obstacle. It is a
case of changing the half-empty glass to one that
is half full – seeing the ‘adversary’ as a potential
ally and moving towards the threatening person to
build a bond by focusing on common goals.
Six essential skills for managing con?ict
effectively
1. Create and maintain a bond, even with your
‘adversary’
The key to defusing con?ict is to form a bond, or
to re-bond, with the other party. We do not have to
like someone to form a bond with him or her. We
only need a common goal. Treat the person as a
friend, not an enemy, and base the relationship on
mutual respect, positive regard and co-operation.
Leaders must learn to separate the person from
the problem, genuinely want to help the other party
and avoid negative responses to attacks or intense
emotions.
2. Establish a dialogue and negotiate
At all times it’s important to keep the conversation
relevant, stay focused on a positive outcome and
remain aware of the common goal. It is imperative
“Many leaders in
con?ict situations are
‘hostages’ to their
inner fears and other
negative emotions
and fail to see the
opportunities in
resolving them.”
to avoid being hostile or aggressive. The next
stage is negotiation, in which we add bargaining
to the dialogue. Talking, dialogue and negotiation
create genuine, engaging and productive two-
way transactions. We need to use energy from
the body, emotions, intellect and the spirit.
3. “Put the ?sh on the table”
This expression means, simply, raising a dif?cult
issue without being aggressive or hostile. The
analogy comes from Sicily where the ?shermen,
who are strongly bonded, put their bloody catch on
a large table to clean it together. They work through
the messy job and are rewarded by a great ?sh
dinner at the end of the day.
If you leave a ?sh under the table it starts to rot and
smell. On the other hand, once an issue is raised,
we can work through the mess of sorting it out and
?nd a mutually bene?cial outcome. The important
thing to remember is that we should not slap the
other party in the face with the ?sh! We should be
direct, engaging and respectful, always helping the
other person to ‘save face.’
In addition, timing is important. It would not be
bene?cial to raise a dif?cult topic just as a senior
colleague is leaving to the airport. We can decide
not to put the ?sh on the table as a tactic, but not
because we wish to avoid the con?ict. Choosing the
right time and the right circumstances are part of
an effective con?ict management strategy.
4. Understand what causes con?ict
To be able to create a dialogue aimed at resolving
the con?ict, we need to understand the root of
the disagreement. Among the common causes of
disagreement are differences over goals, interests
or values. There could be different perceptions of
the problem, such as ‘It’s a quality control problem’
or ‘It’s a production problem’, and there may also
be different communication styles. Power, status,
rivalry, insecurity, resistance to change and
confusion about roles can also create con?icts.
Egotistical people, for example, leaders who
manipulate others to build their own identities and
self-importance often generate con?icts.
It is crucial to determine whether a con?ict
relates to interests or needs. Interests are more
transitory and super?cial, such as land, money, or
a job; needs are more basic and not for bargaining,
such as identity, security and respect. Many
con?icts appear to be about interests, when
they are really about needs. The most con?ict-
provoking losses have to do with needs, and those
needs may connect to the deeper wounds people
have suffered in their life. Someone passed over
for promotion, for example, may seem to be upset
about the loss of extra money, when the real pain
is caused by a loss of respect or loss of identity.
5. Use the law of reciprocity
The law of reciprocity is the foundation of
cooperation and collaboration. What you give
out is likely to be what you get back. Humans
have a deeply hardwired pattern of reciprocity.
Researchers have recently discovered mirror
neurons in the brain, suggesting that our limbic
system (emotional brain) that establishes
empathy, re-creates the experience of others’
intentions and feelings within ourselves. Mutual
exchange and internal adaptation allows two
individuals to become attuned and empathetic
to each other’s inner states. Hence a powerful
technique to master in any kind of dispute is to
empathize with the feelings and views of the other
individual by managing what we express – both
verbally and non-verbally. This social awareness
allows you to make the right concessions at the
right time. Once you have made a concession, it
is likely that the other party will respond in kind.
Moreover, when you recognize a concession has
been made, reciprocate with one of your own.
6. Build a positive relationship
Once a bond has been established, we must
nurture the relationship as well as pursue
our goals. We need to balance reason and
emotion, because emotions such as fear, anger,
frustration and even love may disrupt otherwise
thoughtful actions.
We need to understand each other’s point of
view, regardless of whether we agree with it or
not. The more effectively we communicate our
differences and our areas of agreement, the
better we will understand each other’s concerns
and improve our chances of reaching a mutually
acceptable agreement. The deepest bonds
SIX ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR MANAGING CONFLICT
“The more effectively
we communicate our
differences and our
areas of agreement,
the better we will
understand each other’s
concerns and improve
our chances of reaching
a mutually acceptable
agreement.”
The Financial Times (2007) ranked IMD’s executive education programs 1st outside the
USA and 3rd worldwide. IMD’s MBA was ranked 1st worldwide in the 2007 FT «Ranking
of Rankings,» the combined global annual MBA rankings from Business Week, The
Economist, Financial Times, Forbes and the Wall Street Journal.
No part of this publication may be reproduced without written authorization © IMD, June 2007
Chemin de Bellerive 23
PO Box 915, CH-1001 Lausanne
Switzerland
central tel: +41 21 618 01 11
central fax: +41 21 618 07 07
[email protected] www.imd.ch
are founded on what the eminent psychologist
Carl Rogers called ‘unconditional positive regard’.
We can all learn to communicate acceptance of
the other person while saying no or disagreeing
with a speci?c point or behavior. Feeling accepted,
worthy and valued are basic psychological needs.
And, as hostage negotiation demonstrates, it is
more productive to persuade than to coerce.
Conclusion
Con?ict is everywhere. The good news is that
con?ict can be extremely productive for companies
and individuals and con?icting management skills
can be learned. High performing leaders are
effective at dealing with con?ict because they use
the six essential skills. I have been negotiating
with hostage-takers, many of them violent, for
30 years, and I have been taken hostage four
times. I am convinced that even the most extreme
con?icts can be resolved through bonding,
dialogue and negotiation.
This Perspective explains how leaders can encourage
constructive con?ict to improve performance. It is
based on «The Art of Con?ict Management», a chapter
of the recently published and highly acclaimed book
«Hostage at the Table»
2
, which applies hostage
negotiation tactics to daily business challenges.
1
Chris P. Neck, Charles C. Manz, Journal of Organizational
Behavior (1986-1998). Chichester: Dec 1992. Vol. 13, Iss 7,
p. 681
2
George Kohlrieser, Hostage at the Table: How Leaders can
Overcome Con?ict, In?uence Others, and Raise Performance
(San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2006), p. 99-122.
doc_795513081.pdf
The truth is that we can use wellmanaged confl ict to bring enormous benefi ts to people and companies. In fact, confl ict management is often one of the biggest drivers of change. Properly handled, it can help people to be more innovative and can create stronger bonds, build effective teams and improve performance. The key is to openly face an issue and negotiate a win-win outcome.
www. i md. ch No.149 June 2007
SIX ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR MANAGING
CONFLICT
Are you afraid of con?ict? This is perfectly
normal! Instinctively, our brains tell us
that con?ict is dangerous, so our natural
inclination is to do battle or run away.
However, fear of con?ict can turn leaders,
managers and employees into ‘psycho-
logical hostages’ who are paralyzed and
unable to challenge others.
The truth is that we can use well-
managed con?ict to bring enormous
bene?ts to people and companies.
In fact, con?ict management is often
one of the biggest drivers of change.
Properly handled, it can help people
to be more innovative and can create
stronger bonds, build effective teams
and improve performance. The key is
to openly face an issue and negotiate a
win-win outcome.
How can con?ict bene?t companies
and individuals?
Typically, managers spend at least
24% of their time managing con?ict,
according to a survey by the American
Management Association. Does that
sound like a shocking waste? In fact,
it is an opportunity – if con?ict is dealt
with constructively.
Con?icts are the lifeblood of high-
performing organizations. Disputes,
disagreements and diverse points
of view about strategy and imple-
mentation create energy, bring about
change, stimulate creativity and help
form strongly bonded teams in full
alignment.
Organizations that encourage people
to raise dif?cult issues ?nd that doing
so leads to innovation, new goals and
the changes needed to achieve them.
This approach has been adopted by
many of the world’s largest multi-
nationals, as well as law enforcement
agencies, humanitarian agencies and
governments.
Confronting con?ict does have risks,
however. If not properly managed, and
if the result is win-lose, the process
can undermine teams and can damage
mutual respect, alignment, engagement
and trust. However, there is every
reason to believe that all con?icts can
result in win-win outcomes.
One of the most extreme and violent
manifestations of con?ict occurs when
an individual or group is being physically
held hostage. In fact more than 95 per-
cent of hostage incidents are resolved
peacefully, with the hostages freed,
and the hostage-taker surrendering,
accepting the consequences to come.
We can all use the tactics that produce
this extraordinary success rate to
defuse con?icts in our business and
personal lives.
What is con?ict?
Con?ict manifests itself as a difference
between two or more persons or groups
characterized by tension, disagree-
ment, emotion or polarization, where
bonding is broken or lacking. The most
important con?icts – the ones that,
George Kohlrieser
IMD Professor
of Leadership and
Organizational Behavior
when managed well, lead to positive results
in teams – are the ones in which people feel
personally invested in their positions or are
bringing something of themselves as human
beings into the interaction.
Companies are increasingly diverse with a large
number of interdependencies – and thus the
potential for many disagreements. As a manager,
you are one voice among many. Your responsibility
is likely to exceed your authority. You will inevitably
be faced with con?ict: Dealing openly with it
will usually improve your chances of achieving
your goals.
People create con?ict as a direct result of the
human bonding cycle, in which bonds are broken,
resulting in loss, disappointment, frustration, pain
and even grief – real or anticipated. However, if you
can understand how people deal with loss, you
will have a better insight into the con?ict and how
to resolve it. It is very important to recognize how
loss, disappointment, and even change can create
feelings of separation and pain, which can break
the bond in working relationships.
Companies can cause people to suffer pain and
other negative emotions every day – a missed
promotion, a poor performance review, the ending
of a successful project. When we suffer loss, we
experience deep needs that may not be met, which
results in more con?ict. It is important to remem-
ber that con?icts starts when bonding ends.
How to Manage Con?ict for High Performance
Before we can manage con?ict, we must manage
ourselves. In the face of con?ict, our natural reaction
is either ?ght, ?ight or freeze. We can overcome
this fear by mastering our emotions and our focus.
Human beings exist in one of many ‘states’. A state is
a combination of feelings, thoughts, physiology, and
behavior, and it largely determines how we act. We
can change a ‘state’ from negative to positive, from
fear to courage, and do what is counterintuitive: go
towards the person with whom we are in con?ict.
A key tactic for doing this is to manage our focus
in the mind’s eye, one of the brain’s most powerful
mechanisms. It forms the way we view a particular
situation and determines how we will act or react.
Most of us have heard about how successful
athletes improve performance by visualizing win-
ning and never losing sight of their goal. Another
example is the way some executives improve their
public speaking skills by imagining themselves
captivating their audience. All high performers use
their mind’s eye to focus on the bene?ts beyond the
fear, the danger or potential pain.
The mind’s eye is a fundamental tool to create a
positive or negative result in managing con?ict. Our
mind’s eye is shaped by experiences and choice,
which determine the way we view the world and,
ultimately, determine success or failure in dealing
with con?ict. Many leaders in con?ict situations are
‘hostages’ to their inner fears and other negative
emotions and fail to see the opportunities in
resolving them.
Research by the authors and Professors Chris
Neck and Charles Manz
1
suggests that we can
change the way we perceive a situation by creating
an inner dialogue – telling ourselves to see some-
thing as an opportunity, not as an obstacle. It is a
case of changing the half-empty glass to one that
is half full – seeing the ‘adversary’ as a potential
ally and moving towards the threatening person to
build a bond by focusing on common goals.
Six essential skills for managing con?ict
effectively
1. Create and maintain a bond, even with your
‘adversary’
The key to defusing con?ict is to form a bond, or
to re-bond, with the other party. We do not have to
like someone to form a bond with him or her. We
only need a common goal. Treat the person as a
friend, not an enemy, and base the relationship on
mutual respect, positive regard and co-operation.
Leaders must learn to separate the person from
the problem, genuinely want to help the other party
and avoid negative responses to attacks or intense
emotions.
2. Establish a dialogue and negotiate
At all times it’s important to keep the conversation
relevant, stay focused on a positive outcome and
remain aware of the common goal. It is imperative
“Many leaders in
con?ict situations are
‘hostages’ to their
inner fears and other
negative emotions
and fail to see the
opportunities in
resolving them.”
to avoid being hostile or aggressive. The next
stage is negotiation, in which we add bargaining
to the dialogue. Talking, dialogue and negotiation
create genuine, engaging and productive two-
way transactions. We need to use energy from
the body, emotions, intellect and the spirit.
3. “Put the ?sh on the table”
This expression means, simply, raising a dif?cult
issue without being aggressive or hostile. The
analogy comes from Sicily where the ?shermen,
who are strongly bonded, put their bloody catch on
a large table to clean it together. They work through
the messy job and are rewarded by a great ?sh
dinner at the end of the day.
If you leave a ?sh under the table it starts to rot and
smell. On the other hand, once an issue is raised,
we can work through the mess of sorting it out and
?nd a mutually bene?cial outcome. The important
thing to remember is that we should not slap the
other party in the face with the ?sh! We should be
direct, engaging and respectful, always helping the
other person to ‘save face.’
In addition, timing is important. It would not be
bene?cial to raise a dif?cult topic just as a senior
colleague is leaving to the airport. We can decide
not to put the ?sh on the table as a tactic, but not
because we wish to avoid the con?ict. Choosing the
right time and the right circumstances are part of
an effective con?ict management strategy.
4. Understand what causes con?ict
To be able to create a dialogue aimed at resolving
the con?ict, we need to understand the root of
the disagreement. Among the common causes of
disagreement are differences over goals, interests
or values. There could be different perceptions of
the problem, such as ‘It’s a quality control problem’
or ‘It’s a production problem’, and there may also
be different communication styles. Power, status,
rivalry, insecurity, resistance to change and
confusion about roles can also create con?icts.
Egotistical people, for example, leaders who
manipulate others to build their own identities and
self-importance often generate con?icts.
It is crucial to determine whether a con?ict
relates to interests or needs. Interests are more
transitory and super?cial, such as land, money, or
a job; needs are more basic and not for bargaining,
such as identity, security and respect. Many
con?icts appear to be about interests, when
they are really about needs. The most con?ict-
provoking losses have to do with needs, and those
needs may connect to the deeper wounds people
have suffered in their life. Someone passed over
for promotion, for example, may seem to be upset
about the loss of extra money, when the real pain
is caused by a loss of respect or loss of identity.
5. Use the law of reciprocity
The law of reciprocity is the foundation of
cooperation and collaboration. What you give
out is likely to be what you get back. Humans
have a deeply hardwired pattern of reciprocity.
Researchers have recently discovered mirror
neurons in the brain, suggesting that our limbic
system (emotional brain) that establishes
empathy, re-creates the experience of others’
intentions and feelings within ourselves. Mutual
exchange and internal adaptation allows two
individuals to become attuned and empathetic
to each other’s inner states. Hence a powerful
technique to master in any kind of dispute is to
empathize with the feelings and views of the other
individual by managing what we express – both
verbally and non-verbally. This social awareness
allows you to make the right concessions at the
right time. Once you have made a concession, it
is likely that the other party will respond in kind.
Moreover, when you recognize a concession has
been made, reciprocate with one of your own.
6. Build a positive relationship
Once a bond has been established, we must
nurture the relationship as well as pursue
our goals. We need to balance reason and
emotion, because emotions such as fear, anger,
frustration and even love may disrupt otherwise
thoughtful actions.
We need to understand each other’s point of
view, regardless of whether we agree with it or
not. The more effectively we communicate our
differences and our areas of agreement, the
better we will understand each other’s concerns
and improve our chances of reaching a mutually
acceptable agreement. The deepest bonds
SIX ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR MANAGING CONFLICT
“The more effectively
we communicate our
differences and our
areas of agreement,
the better we will
understand each other’s
concerns and improve
our chances of reaching
a mutually acceptable
agreement.”
The Financial Times (2007) ranked IMD’s executive education programs 1st outside the
USA and 3rd worldwide. IMD’s MBA was ranked 1st worldwide in the 2007 FT «Ranking
of Rankings,» the combined global annual MBA rankings from Business Week, The
Economist, Financial Times, Forbes and the Wall Street Journal.
No part of this publication may be reproduced without written authorization © IMD, June 2007
Chemin de Bellerive 23
PO Box 915, CH-1001 Lausanne
Switzerland
central tel: +41 21 618 01 11
central fax: +41 21 618 07 07
[email protected] www.imd.ch
are founded on what the eminent psychologist
Carl Rogers called ‘unconditional positive regard’.
We can all learn to communicate acceptance of
the other person while saying no or disagreeing
with a speci?c point or behavior. Feeling accepted,
worthy and valued are basic psychological needs.
And, as hostage negotiation demonstrates, it is
more productive to persuade than to coerce.
Conclusion
Con?ict is everywhere. The good news is that
con?ict can be extremely productive for companies
and individuals and con?icting management skills
can be learned. High performing leaders are
effective at dealing with con?ict because they use
the six essential skills. I have been negotiating
with hostage-takers, many of them violent, for
30 years, and I have been taken hostage four
times. I am convinced that even the most extreme
con?icts can be resolved through bonding,
dialogue and negotiation.
This Perspective explains how leaders can encourage
constructive con?ict to improve performance. It is
based on «The Art of Con?ict Management», a chapter
of the recently published and highly acclaimed book
«Hostage at the Table»
2
, which applies hostage
negotiation tactics to daily business challenges.
1
Chris P. Neck, Charles C. Manz, Journal of Organizational
Behavior (1986-1998). Chichester: Dec 1992. Vol. 13, Iss 7,
p. 681
2
George Kohlrieser, Hostage at the Table: How Leaders can
Overcome Con?ict, In?uence Others, and Raise Performance
(San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2006), p. 99-122.
doc_795513081.pdf