PJs

Once upon a time, Sada and Ada, visited a coal mine to find some diamonds.
Sada takes a right and Ada turns left.
Sada has only a shovel, but Ada had sophisticated diamond mining tools.
Yet, Sada finds a diamond but Ada doesn't (even after digging for 10 kms) !!!


Why ??


.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Kyonki...Hira hai Sada ke liye!!!
 
Ek baar ek aadmi ek auto mein baithta hai aur ghar le jaane ko bolta hai..

Autowala, yeh dekhkar ki aadmi sheher mein naya hai, bahut ghuma phira ke le jaata hai aur bahut charge kar deta hai.

Ghar pahunchte pahunchte bahut der ho jaati hai aur andhera ho jaata hai.

Aadmi pehle se hi bahut frustrated hai aur ghar jaake dekhta hai ki bijli nahi hai.

Par aadmi ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhayee deta hai.

Kaise???

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Kyonki autowala aadmi ko ULLOO bana deta hai aur usko raat ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhta hai.
__________________________________________________________________________________
 
Three Canadians and three Americans were traveling to a hockey game.

The three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?", asks an American.

Watch and you'll see," says a Canadian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please!" The door opens a crack, a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game they decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.

How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed American.

"Watch and you'll see," replies a Canadian.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another bathroom nearby.

Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the other bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please!"
 
You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .

. . . your twin sister forgets your birthday.

. . . you wake up face down on the pavement.

. . . you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.

. . . you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.

. . . you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office.

. . . your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

. . . you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.

. . . the woman you've been seeing on the side begins to look like your wife.

. . . your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

. . . your boyfriend calls and tells you he has 6 days to live, and that you'd better get the Test

. . . you have an appointment in 10 minutes and you just woke up

. . . your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..."
 
How To Photograph A New Puppy...

** Remove film from box and load camera

** Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

** Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle

** Choose a suitable background for photo

** Mount camera on tripod and focus

** Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth

** Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera

** Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees

** Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand

** Get tissue and clean nose print from lens

** Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash

** Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose

** Put magazines back on coffee table

** Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head

** Replace your glasses and check camera for damage

** Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

** Call spouse to clean up mess

** Fix a drink

** Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning
 
A Guy Walks Into a Bar...

A guy walks into a bar and starts chatting with a tall, attractive blonde woman. During the course of the conversation he says would you like to hear a 'blonde' joke ?

"Well", says the girl, "I'm obviously blonde, I'm 6 feet tall without heels and I've been training in judo for the past 5 years."

Raising her voice slightly she went on, "My flatmate's blonde, she's 6 feet 2" tall, has been involved in karate for 10 years, she's a black belt and has been Southern Counties Ladies' Champion for the past 3 years.

Lastly she added "My next door neighbor's blonde, she weighs over 200lbs. and is a professional womens' wrestler, do you still want to tell the joke about a blonde ?"

"Well no" came the reply, "Not if I've got to explain it 3 times".
 
A businessman calls his secretary:
"Lena, how many zeros are there in one million?"
"Six."
He hangs up and says to his partner, "You see? Six zeros in one million. So in two million there are twelve
 
New Russian (NR) is stopped by a traffic policeman, who opens his car's trunk and sees a Kalashnikoff automatic rifle there.
- What the hell is that supposed to be? - policeman asks.
- It's a calculator, - replies the NR.
- Gimme a break, - the policeman protests, producing a calculator from his pocket, - Now here's a calculator...
- Different models, - the NR explains. - Yours is for preliminary score, and mine is for final ones.
 
A New Russian's son approaches a gorgeous lady in a lobby of five-star Metropol hotel.
- Mind a stroll? - he volunteers.
- Well, I bet your car ain't a Volvo, - she replies.
- Nope, it is not, - he confides.
- And you do not own even an average size bank, - she continues.
- Nope, - he admits again.
- And you don't have a three-storey house in Old Arbat, - she concludes. He agrees again. - Then get lost, miser!
The lady leaves, and the chap stands in distressed puzzlement.
- I can trade my Saab 900 for a Volvo, - he muses to himself, - and I can split my financial trust into a chain of average-size banks, but I obviously can't talk my father into demolishing the top three floors of our Old Arbat residence...
 
An New Russian (NR) comes into a car dealership and asks for a silver Mercedes 600SEL. The employee shows him the car, receives the payment and asks with much curiosity:
- Excuse me, sir, but didn't you buy exactly same car three days ago?
- I sure did, - retorts the NR, - But in that one the ashtray is filled up already
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top