Managing Negative Emotions
General Guidelines
I have been trying to develop some general guidelines for managing negative emotions. Here is what I have so far.
First, identify the feeling. Next, ask if is a healthy feeling. Then list your options and chose the one which is most likely to lead to your long-term happiness.
After asking these first two questions, the next step is to ask what would help you feel better. I try to remember to just focus on answers which are in my control, since it would be easy, but not too helpful, to think of things ways others could change so I would feel better.
Another question is to ask how you want to feel. This helps you direct your thoughts in a positive direction.
To summarize, here are some questions I believe are very helpful:
* How am I feeling?
* Is it a healthy feeling?
* How do I want to feel?
* What would help me feel better (that I can control)?
Anger Management / Feeling Destructive in Germany
Anger Management - A true story
I once went to Germany to visit a female for what I thought would be a romantic vacation. When I got there she met me at the train station with her ex-boyfriend. I asked why he was there and she said they had just reunited and she wasn't going with me to Paris for Christmas and New Years as we had planned. I remember laying in bed that night. I picked up a small souvenir glass that I had brought for her mother's collection. I remember thinking that I wanted to smash it against the wall. I asked myself what I was feeling as I stared at the glass clenched in my hand. The word that came to mind was "destructive." I said to myself, "that is not a healthy feeling." I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and put the glass down.
Hope this is useful to you guys also...
as it turned out to be very useful to me...
take care...
General Guidelines
I have been trying to develop some general guidelines for managing negative emotions. Here is what I have so far.
First, identify the feeling. Next, ask if is a healthy feeling. Then list your options and chose the one which is most likely to lead to your long-term happiness.
After asking these first two questions, the next step is to ask what would help you feel better. I try to remember to just focus on answers which are in my control, since it would be easy, but not too helpful, to think of things ways others could change so I would feel better.
Another question is to ask how you want to feel. This helps you direct your thoughts in a positive direction.
To summarize, here are some questions I believe are very helpful:
* How am I feeling?
* Is it a healthy feeling?
* How do I want to feel?
* What would help me feel better (that I can control)?
Anger Management / Feeling Destructive in Germany
Anger Management - A true story
I once went to Germany to visit a female for what I thought would be a romantic vacation. When I got there she met me at the train station with her ex-boyfriend. I asked why he was there and she said they had just reunited and she wasn't going with me to Paris for Christmas and New Years as we had planned. I remember laying in bed that night. I picked up a small souvenir glass that I had brought for her mother's collection. I remember thinking that I wanted to smash it against the wall. I asked myself what I was feeling as I stared at the glass clenched in my hand. The word that came to mind was "destructive." I said to myself, "that is not a healthy feeling." I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and put the glass down.
Hope this is useful to you guys also...
as it turned out to be very useful to me...
take care...