Lallo Prasad

namitjhamaria

namitjhamaria

New member
What do they call French Toilet in Bihar ?
La loo

Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge
rush the Security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR"
for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between
Bihar and Las Vegas..
So he called up the Tourist department and asked them
"Ji.. could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las
Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir...”
and Laloo immediately replies" thank you” and puts the
phone down.

Laloos family planning policy..
"DONT HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"

At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo’s left tells the
bartender,"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man’s companion says, 'JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies:"LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."

After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to
pose for a picture.To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose
along
with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the
cattle he poses for the photo.
Next day the photo appears on front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION
"Laloo, third from left"

Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for
Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese delegation head was quite
impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state.
Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower
like
Japan."
Laloo was very surprised."You Japanese are very inefficient," he
Stated
"Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"

A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for divorce ?"
"Marriage"
 
1) A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says: Saala pura body headache maar raha hai

2) A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

3) A Bihari went to New Delhi for the first time in his life. He went there during the time of Asiad and was zapped to see all these new stadiums, newly constructed roads, flyovers etc etc. The poor fellow hadn't seen all this ever before. So when he came back to Aligarh people asked him as to how did he like Delhi, he was too excited and said : yaar delhi to buhat top ka laga, pura delhi chamak chamak raha tha, sab kuch jagmaga raha tha, sab shine maar raha tha lekin yaar ek cheez hum understand nahin kar paye, yeh itta barka barka speed breaker kahe ko bana diya hai (he couldn't figure out what is a flyover).

4) A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said "Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".

5) This incident happened when we were in college. Two Biharis talking to each other, " Aaj Mother teresa a rahen hai Kennedy Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn't know who is Mother Teresa and replied back, " nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin dekhte hain.

6) There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why do I have a monthly pass.
 
> MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUE
>
>
> Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
> going in an auto. They met with an accident and all three of them die.
>
>
> Yama DharmaRaj was waiting for this moment.
>
> He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN. But, for Laloo, Yama had
> already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
>
> Laloo is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why
> this discrimination is being made. All three of them served public.
> Similarly, took bribes, misused public post etc. He felt that there
> should be a formal test or a concrete way to decide this, and should
> not be just based on opinion.
>
> Yama agrees to this and asks all three of them to appear for English
> test.
>
> PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly. Advani is
> asked to
> spell "ENGLAND" and he too passes. It is Laloo's turn and he is asked
> to
> spell "CZECHOSLOVAKIA".
>
> Laloo protests that he doesn't know English. It is not fair that he
> is given a tough question
> and thus forced to fail.Yama agrees to conduct a written test in
> Hindi (to give another chance
> assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi is ideal)
>
> PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily
> and passes.
>
> Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
>
> Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR........."
>
> Tough one. Fails. Laloo is not happy.
>
> Being a history student, he preferred only to be tested in History.
>
> Yama says this is the last chance and he would not take any more
> tests.
>
> PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence?". He replied "1947"
> and passed.
>
> Advani is asked "How many people died in it?". He gets nervous.
>
> Yama asked him to choose from 100,000 or 200,000 or 300,000 (clue).
>
> Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
>
> It's Laloo's turn now. Yama asks him to give
>
> the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died.
>
> LALOO accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
>
>
>
>
>
> MORAL:
>
> IF SOMEONE IS DETERMINED TO SCREW YOU,
>
> ANTICIPATE IT AND BE PREPARED TO
>
> ACCEPT IT. THERE IS NO ESCAPE .
>
> (MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUE AS IT EXISTS TODAY)
>
 
This is a true incident which happened in a college. A new lecturer (also a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class.
The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he doesn't know how to put it in English. He went near the guy. Shouted "follow me" .The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted "Don't follow me" and went inside the class..........

Prof. Bihari
#Inside the Class :
*Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
*Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class)
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
* Take 5 cm wire of any lengh....

# About his family :
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

# At the ground :
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.
 
A BIHARI JOKE:

>>>>When Lalloo completed 25 years of his rule over
>> > Bihar,
>> > >he wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his
>> > >picture on it. He so instructed Rabridevi,
>> > stressing
>> > >that it should be of international quality.
>> > >
>> > >The stamps were duly released, and Lalloo was
>> > pleased.
>> > >But within a couple of days of release of the
>> > stamp,
>> > >he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not
>> > >sticking
>> > >properly, and became furious.
>> > >He called Rabri and ordered her to
>> > >investigate the matter. Rabri checked the matter
>> > out
>> > >at several post offices, and
>> > >then reported on the problem to Lallo prasad.
>> > >
>> > >
>> > >She said: " the stamp is really of
>> > >international quality. The problem is, our Biharis
>> > are spitting on the
>> > >wrong side".
 
Saddam Hussain gets a chance to visit God. He asks
him: "God when shall I see the defeat of
BillClinton?"
God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your
lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain starts
crying,
is disappointed and walks away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God next and asks him:
"God when shall I see the capture of Kashmir by
Pakistan?"
God replies: "Son, you will not see it in your
lifetime." Hearing this, Gen Parvez Musharaff
starts
weeping and goes away.
Laloo Yadav visits God and asks him: "God when
shall
I see Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state."
Hearing this, God starts crying. Laloo is a little
surprised and asks: "God, why are you crying?"
God replies: "Son, I will not see that in MY
lifetime."



2
Narasimha Rao, Mulayam Singh Yadav and Laloo Yadav
died and reach hell. All 3 of them desperately
feel like talking to their family members. So, when
Yamaraj asks them for one last wish they say that
they would want to make a phone call to their
respective houses. Yamaraj says, "OK, but you will
be
charged at international rates for the phone
call!".
Next they make a phone call each and are then given
their bill. Narasimha Rao's bill will read Rs.
50,000, Mulayam Singh's, Rs. 45,000 and Laloo's
bill
Rs. 1.50.
Narasimha Rao and Mulayam Singh are pretty upset
and
think this is unfair, "How could you charge
him just Rs. 1.50?".
Yamaraj replies, "That's because from hell to Bihar
it's only a local call."




3
Rabri was walking on a beach when she found a
bottle.
She opened it to see what was inside. Out
came a Genie with three wishes as usual.
Genie: You can have any three wishes. But remember
whatever you ask, your husband will get the
same thing ten times more.
Rabri: Make me the most beautiful woman on earth.
Genie: Remember that Laloo will get the same
treatment, ten times. All the girls will be after
him.
Rabri: That's all right. Where will Laloo go? After
all I will be the most beautiful woman, so he will
always be running after me.
The Genie waves his hand and Rabri becomes the most
beautiful woman on earth.
Genie: What is your next wish?
Rabri: Make me the richest woman on earth.
Genie: Remember that Laloo will get ten times what
you get.
Rabri: That's all right. All that's his is mine
anyway.
The Genie again waves his hand and it is done.
Genie: What is your third wish?
Rabri: Give me a mild heart attack
 
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