Kuchh Meetha Ho Jaye :)

gaurav200x

gaurav200x

Gaurav Mittal
Jai Bihar

This is a true incident which happened in a college. A new lecturer (also a Bihari professor) was unable to control the class. The guys were just talking without giving any attention to him. So he wanted to send a guy who was creating most of the problem out. But he doesn't know how to put it in English. He went near the guy. Shouted "follow me" .The guy followed him till he went out of the class. Now the lecturer turned back and again shouted "Don't follow me" and went inside the class..........

Prof. Bihari #Inside the Class : ----------------

* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
* Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
* You, meet me behind the class. ( meaning AFTER the class )..
* Both of u three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the windows please .. I have winter in my nose today...
* Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
* Take 5 cm wire of any length....

# About his family : ----------------
* I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)

# At the ground : -------------
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.

# To a boy, angrily : -----------------
* I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?

# Giving a punishment : ----------
* You, rotate the ground four times...
* You, go and under-stand the tree...
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why are you late - say YES or NO ....(?)

# Sir at his best : ------------ Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the next day at school... (to that boy) - " Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre."
 
Makaan Malik: 500 rupya kiraya hoga. Kirayedar: Teek hai. Magar apke makan me chuhey naach rahe hain. Makaan Malik: Abeyee tho kyaa 500 rupiye mein kya Madhuri nachegi?
**********************************
Kaunsi devi ka kaunsa prasad India main famous hai? Rabdi Devi ka Laloo Prasad :)
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IT GODS
Brahma : Systems Installation Vishnu : Systems Support Lakshmi : Finance and Accounts consultant Shiva : DBA (crash specialist) Ganesh : Documentation specialist Narada : Data Transfer Brihaspathi : Chief Information Officer. Yama : ReOrganisation Consultant ChitraGupta : Personnel Records Apsaras : Downloadable Viruses Devas : Y2k Programmers Surya : Solaris adminstrator Rakshasas : In house Hackers Ram : Hardware Support - single user specialist Lakshman : Support software and Backup Ravan : Internet Explorer - WWW Hanuman : RS6000 Vali : Windows 98 Sugreeva : Win 95 Angadh : Win 3.1 Jambhuvan : DOS Vishwamitra : Sr.Manager Projects Hastinapur : Silicon Valley Arjun : Lead Programmer (all Companies are Vying for him) Abhimanyu : Trainee Programmer Draupadi : Web server - free access (Shareware) Bhima : MAIN FRAME Duryodhan : Microsoft product written in VB Shakuni : Bill Gates Karna : Contract Programmer Shikandi : Steve Jobbs 100
Kauravas: Microsoft Service Packs and patches.
**********
IT Movies
What if the I.T. industry starts producing movies? Here are some newer movie titles... * Login Karo Sajana * Haan Meine Bhi Debug Kiya * Shaheed Hacker Singh * Password De Ke Dekho * Mr.Network Lal * Terminal Sajaake Rakhna * Hackers Ka Raja, Debuggers Ki Rani * Kyonki Mein Debug Nahin Kartha * Phir Theri Java-script Yaad Aayi * Hang To Hona Hi Tha !!!!!!!!!!!!
****************
Lagta hai pahuch gayi
Koi Apni biwi Ka antim sanskar karke ja raha tha ki achanak bijli chamki badal garje jor se barish hui.. dukhi aadmi bola lagta hai pohonch gaieeeeee..
*******************
Tihar Jail ordered 999 shirts and 1000 pants for its inmates. why this odd combination ? Salman khan is coming .........
 
Americanisms

Haven't you always wondered how "Americanisms" would sound like if they were translated literally to an average Indian on, say, the streets of New Delhi (or elsewhere)? Have a nice day! ----- * Achcha din lo! What's up? ----- *Uppar kya hai? You're kidding! ----- *Tum bachcha bana rahe ho! Don't kid me! ----- * Mera bachcha mut banaao! Yo, baby! What's up? -----* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai? Cool man! -----* Thandaa aadmi! Don't mess with me, dude.----- * Mere saath gandagee mat karo, ek hustee. Check this out, man! ----- * Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi! She's so fine! ----- * Woh itnee baareek hai! Listen buddy, that chick's mine, okay!?----- * Suno dost, woh choozaa mera hai, theek? Hey good looking; what's cooking? ----- * Hey Sundari; kyaa pak raha hai? Are you nuts? ----- * Kya aap akhrot hain? Son of a gun.----- * Bachcha bandook ka. And the best one is..... How do you do? ----- * Kaise karte ho? General Body Meeting.... ----- *Saamanya Shaaririk Milan

********************************
Defination of table tennis in hindi

kamre ke andar, table ke upar, batti ke niche. de tacatac... le tacatac... de tacatac...le taca tac..
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Angry sardar: Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga mita dunga mita dunga. Another sardar standing besides said: mein tujhe rubber hi nahi dunga.
**************************
in a hospital

Dardi:Dr.Sahab Dr.Sahab mujhe sab do do dikhai de rahe hai Doctor (Gabhrakar): Isme char char jan kyu dode aa rahe ho
*********************
 
Pyar Ki Chemistry..... ;)

Na Ye Chemistry Hoti ,
Na Mein Student Hota

Na Ye Lab Hoti,
Na Ye Accident Hota

Abhi Practical Mein Aaye Nazar Ek Ladki
Sundar Thi Naak Uski Test Tube Jaisi

Baton Mein Uski Glucose Ki Mithas Thi
Sanson Mein Ester Ki Khushbu Bhi Sath Thi

Aankhon Se Jhalakta Tha
Kuch Is Taranh Ka Pyaar

Bin Piye Hi Ho Jata Tha
Alcohol Ka Khumar

Benzene Sa Hota Tha
Uski Presence Ka Ehsas

Andhere Mein Hota Tha
Radium Ka Abhas

Nazrein Mileen, Reaction Hua
Kuch Is Taranh Love Ka Production Hua

Lagne Lage Us Ke Ghar Ke Chakkar Aise
Nucleus Ke Charon Taraf Electron Hon Jaise

Us Din Hamare Test Ka Confirmation Hua
Jab Uske Daddy Se Hamara Introduction Hua

Sun Kar Hamari Baat Woh Aise Uchal Pare
Ignition Tube Mein Jaise Sodium Bharak Uthe

Woh Bole, Hosh Mein Aao, Pahchano Apni Auqat
Iron Mil Nahin Sakta Kabhi Gold Ke Sath

Ye Sun Kar Tuta Hamare Armanon Bhara Beaker
Aur Hum Chup Rahe Benzaldehyde Ka Karwa Ghoont Pi Kar

Ab Us Ki Yaadon Ke Siwa Hamara Kam Chalta Na Tha
Aur Lab Mein Hamare Dil Ke Siva Kuch Aur Jalta
Na Tha

Zindagi Ho Gayee Unsaturated Hydrocarbon Ki Taranh
Aur Hum Phirte Hain Awara Hydrogen Ki Tarhan.............
 
10 most stupid questions' people usually ask in
obvious situations :
1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..



2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on
your feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.



3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?



4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter...
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.


5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big !!
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.



6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the money.


7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron !!


8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke ?
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now
it's in flames!!!
 
This is when Amitabh Bachan got fit after his long ilness.....

one fine morning he told his drvier "Arre bhai aaj Gaadi hum chalayenge.., tum peechhe baito".

driver, "Par saab aapki tabyat?.."

amitabh "Aree meri tabyat thik ho gayi he, I am fit and fine...kya dance karke dikhau, dialogue, fighting kare dikhau.....Hain"

Ok then he starts driving the car very fast....zoooooooooom

breaks one red signal...

breaks second red signal....

breaks on more red signal...

Then a traffic hawaldar stops the car, tells the car to be sided to the road..

Tells the driver to come out... "Chalo liscence dikhao,puc, gaadi ke kagjaaat..."

Sees amitabh "are Amitabh Bachhan?!!!" he is verysuprised to see him....

Then he quickly on wireless calls his senior officers....

"Sir, aap jaldi yaha aye naake par..."

Sir"KYun kya hua??"

Havaldar:"Sir ek gaadi ne signal toda he aur maine us gaadi ko side me rakha he"

Sir: "To phir?"

hawaldar:"SIr, Us gaadi ka maalik bahut bada aadmi he sir .... mein uska challan nahi phaad sakta aap khud yaha aiye .., ho sake to SSP ko bhee layen"

Sir"KON MAALIK HE US GAADI KA??"

HAWALDAR : "WOH TO PATA NAHI SIR PAR USNE NE HE NA SIR ... AMITABH BACHHAN KO DRIVER RAKHA HE....".
 
Manmohan Singh to Bush, "We are sending Indians to the moon next year."
Bush, "Wow! How Many?"
Manmohan Singh - 100
25 - OBC
25 - SC
20 - ST
5 - Handicapped
5 - Sports Persons
5 - Terrorist Affected
5 - Kashmiri Migrants
9 - Politicians / Freedom fighter / Govt. Emp.
and if possible
1 - Astronnaut
This will be reality in about a year, if the Indian government keeps on increasing the percent of reservations.
*********************
MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

*****

Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India

*****

CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
*****
PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.
MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu
}*****************
PROFESSOR :
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
*********************
Train main T T Sadhu se bola,
Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu:- Jahan Ram ji ka janam hua tha.
TT:- Ticket Hai ?
Sadhu:- Nahi
TT:- Chalo
Sadhu:- Kahan?
TT:- Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha (Jail)
************************************
 
Bhola was busy in removing a wheel from auto,
Ramu asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto?
Bhola: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only'

*

Bhola apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Bhola: I'm falling in love.

*

Bhola was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got
irritated...
drank poison & said,
Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!

*******************************

Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Bhola: To dictionary dekh kar kharidni thi ...!

*********************************

Ramu: Yeh AUTOMATICALLY kya hota hai?
Bhola: tujhe yeh bhi nahin pata, Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi
ho to use kehte hain AUTO-ME-TAKLI
*****************************************
Ramu: tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Bhola: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
*****************************
Bhola: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
 
Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: Simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lagane ka!

*

Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: Haan
Sharaab?
Haan
Drugs?
Haan
Jua?
Haan
Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+

*

Sachin's Daughter: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Sachin's Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !

*

Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi,
jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha.
Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya,
Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley.

*

1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

*

Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kya Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!
 
Interesting Facts about Dreams

You would be amazed to know that usually children watch nightmares. The usual age group is 3 and it continues up to 8.
--------
Blind people also view dreams. Their images are in accordance of the time when they got blind.
--------
Good news for those who snore a lot. You cannot dream while snoring.
----------
If you are giving up smoking then get ready for some long and intense dreams.
----------
Kids up to the age of 3 and 4 never dream about themselves.
------
It is interesting to know that men dream more about their own gender as compare to women. On the other hand, women dream equally about both men and women.
-------
The word dream is derived from dreme. Dreme stands for joy and music.
----------
People often say that we don't dreams. But, the fact is that everyone dreams.
------
You would be astonished to know that major part of your life is spent in sleeping, i.e. approximately one-third of life.
----------
Dreams are also essential for a healthy life. If you don't have adequate dream activity then it signifies lack of protein. It also signifies problem in one's personality.
----------
Approximately half content of dream is forgotten, if you are recalling after five minutes of its completion.
-------------
Approximately ninety percent of dream is forgotten, if you are recalling after ten minutes of its completion.
---------
In one night, approximately 4 to 7 dreams are being viewed.
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Category : Top 10 statements in Hindi movies

10. Kuttay, Kameenay mai tumhe jaan se maar doonga
9. Mai tumhara ehasaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga
8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?
7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi.
6. Bacchhhaaaaaooooo.....
5. Yeh anyay hai bhagwan
4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai.
3. Tum may-re liye mar chuke ho.
2. Police meeray peechay lagi hui hai.
And the number one statement is .....
1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.


Here are the best of the rest...
- Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain
- lo...muh meetha kar lo
- mein yeh shaadi nahin hone doongi
- aaj pinky ka janam din hai
- yeh aap kya kah rahen hai, bhai sahib
- Bhaiya !!!!!!!!!!
- Ma, tum kitni achchi ho
- Aaj mein bahut khush hoon (usually to be followed by a tragicturn of events)
- arre isse to tez bukhar hai
- Nikal jaa mere ghar say...
- Hatoe naa, log kiya kahengay
- khabardaar joe mujhay haat bhee lagaya


and the best:
- tumne apni ma ka dudh piya hai to ...
- gurkha, ise dhakke maarke bahar nikal do.
- Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya..
- Ab tumari maa hamare kabze main hai
- Pulis ko tum jaise naujawanon par naaz hai
- Driver, gaadi roko
- Tum jaise gandi naali ke keede....
- Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta"
- aur ye bechari begunnah hai. That's all, your honor
- tazeerat-e-hind , dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki sazasunai jaati hai.
- Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai
- Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhane ke layak nahin rahe
- (hero/heroine opening their eyes on a hospital bed) Main kahan hun?
- Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha?
- "Maa main first class first pass ho gaya hu" followed by the jug jug jiyo beta
- "Yeh sauda thumhe bahut mehenga padega" ??
- Bhagwan, maine aaj tak tumse kuch nahin manga, aaj pahli baarkuch maang........
- KANOON KE HAATH BAHUT LUMBE HOTE HAIN
- Aey jee! Aap bade woh haiN!
 
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.
Judge: What were you doing?
1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.
Judge: And what were you doing?
2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too."
Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?
3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!
********************
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, "He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
********************
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole.
Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.
"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"
******************
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

*************
The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."

"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
******************
Five year old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The policeman said, "What's he like?"

Little Johnny replied, "Beer and women!"

********************
 
Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki. Shivji khush hue . .Prakat hue . Bole..puttar maang maang.. kya chahiye tujhey ! Bakth utha ... bola shivji mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do! Shivji bole kaisa gadha hai? Unhone kaha puttar tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai.kuch bada maang ! Wo fir bola nahi ji mujhey to aap guitar hi do ! Shivji ne phir samajhaya abey kuch dhang ka maang! Par wo to ada hi hua tha. bola, nahi aap to mujhey guitar hi do! Shivji uskey pao main gir gaye bole yaar tu kuch aur maang. guitar na maang ..Wo bola nai nai nai !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye. Ab Shivji gussey main aa gaye ..boley , abey agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata phirta ???
****************
A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in particular She replied: That's easy. I call them by their surname!
*******************
How do you fit 30 marwadis in a Maruti 800 ?
Throw a 100 rupee note inside
*****************
Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected...)... As she stood in front of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" Yamraj answered, "That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie." "And whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entirelife." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" "Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as ceiling fan".
*******************************
Kya bindas hava chal rahi hai,
birdy gaana ga rahe hain,
Cow log grass eat rahe hain,
shaane log SMS kar rahe hain
aur dhakkan log msg padh rahe hain
********************
 
A GIRL TO HIS BOYFRIEND
CHANDNI CHAND SE HOTI HE SITAROYON SE NAHI
CHANDNI CHAND SE HOTI HE SITAROYON SE NAHI
MOHABBAT EK SE HOTI HE HAJARO SE NAHI
THEN BOY TO GIRL
CHANDNI AGAR CHAND KI HOGYI TO SITARYON KA KYA HOGA
CHANDNI AGAR CHAND KI HOGYI TO SITARYON KA KYA HOGA
MOHABBAT AGAR EK SE HOGYI TO HAJARON KA KYA HOGA
******************
What'd be the surname if the son born to a single father?
Ans: Eknathji.
What'd be the surname if the son born to three fathers?
Ans: Trivedi.
what if born to a suspense one?
Ans: Guptaji.
*****************
Santa: What is the name of your car ?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Santa: Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai.
Hamaara gaadi petrol se start hoti hai.
*************
Friends of Women..
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend`s apartment overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them...
Friends of Men..
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend`s apartment over night. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them . . . !!!!!!!!!
**********************
Beta: Papa apki shadi ho gai?
Papa: Yes.
Beta: kis se?
Papa: apki mama se.
Beta: ap to barey hi chalak nikley ghar mai hi chakkar chala liya...
********************
Shaadi aur mobile me kya similarity hai?
Sirf dimag me ek hi sooch aati hai ki,
Thode din aur ruk jata to naya model mil jata.
*****************
Santa: Oye Yaar! agar electricity nahi hoti to kya hota?
Banta: Kuch nahi yaar, hame candle light me T.V dekhna padta...
***************
Teacher: is line ki English banao, usne apna kaam kiya or karta hi gya.
Santa: He done his work and done Dana Dan done Dana Dan....
*************
 
Santa Singh: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Banta Singh: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha,
har baar truck dekhkar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
****************
Boy: Kaash in hasinaaon kay baap mar jayen, bahaana gam kaa hota, hum unke ghar to jate.
His Friend: Aai murkh tere liye yeh bolna bhi paap hoga, kisi din tu bhi kisi haseena kaa baap hoga!
********************
Santa joins army, given AK 47.
He has puzzld.
Asks major, Sir, yeh bandook ki nalli samne rakhun ya ulta?
Major: kisi bhi taraf rakho, faida desh ka hi hoga.
***************
Santa Singh: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Santa Singh: Phone karte waqt.
*************
Nurse: Santa ji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!!
Santa Singh: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!
**************
Mayawati came to Lallu's house with a goat.
Lallu: Bhaiswa ko kyon layi ho?
Maya: Dikhta nahin goatwa hai?
Lallu: Hum goatwa se hi to pooch raha hoon.
*******************
Santa Singh was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote: YES
*******************
Sagaai hui...
Shadi Hui...
Biwi ghar main aayi...
Ghar SWARG ban gaya...
Aur main... SWARGWASI...
************88
After Finishing MBBS, Dr. Munna Starts his practice.
He Checked 1st patient eyes, tongue & ears by Torch.
And finally said BOLE TO.......... TORCH THEEEEK HAI.
**************
Circuit: Apun ka Bapu bahut shana tha BAP, sher ke pinjre me ghus gaya!
Munna Bhai: Bahar kaise nikla re?
Circuit: Waich tou lafda bapu bahar nahi nikla!"
**********************
 
Oye tera mobile kis k pas hai, Maine abhi call ki thi kisi larki ne Uthaya,
Maine hello keha to pyar se boli...
"The Number U Have Dialed is Not Responding"
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Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi.
he he he...
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Ajit: Robert, ees aadmi ko maar dalo aur ees ki laash ke saath aek kela aur thoda milk rakh do.
Robert: vo kyon boss?
Ajit: Aare bavekuf, jub police ko lash milegi to police samajegi ke koi cereal killer ne iska khoon kiya hey.
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ROBERT: America mein WAAR ho gaya boss!!!
AJIT: Us mein kyaa rakhaa hai Bloody Fool!!! India mein roz "WAAR" hota hai.
Bolo kaise???
ROBERT: nahin maaloom Boss!!!
AJIT: Arre ulloo!!! SOMWAAR, MANGALWAAR, BUDHWAAR...
*****************
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager
kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
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Police: Yesterday night the thiefs stole the car, fridge, jewellery's, money,... but why not tv?
Santa Singh: How could they take the tv when I was watching it.
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A man was riding a bike so fast at night time, without lights.
Police: Why didn't you switch on your light?
Man: There is light everywhere sir.
Police takes out air in the tyre.
Man: Why did you take out air in my tyre sir?
Police: There is air everywhere!
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While on duty a police man spots a speeding car, so he follows it.
The man driving the car sees the policeman and drives even more faster.
The police man manages to stop the speeding driver and asks him why he was riding so fast.
The man replied,"I thought that you were the same police man who ran away with my wife.
I don't want my wife back so, I tried to get away from you".
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