jokes about husband and wife

[namratakher]

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has,
you wish you had ordered that.

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________


Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight
begins!

_________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________


It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as
women and then he turns them into Wives !
__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who
surrenders
when not Sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a
Husband.

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


If u r married please ignore this msg, for everyone else: Happy
Independence Day

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something
you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic
banking. It's called marriage

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


Aadmi shaadi kyon karta hai?
Take vo Marne ke baad agar Swarg jaye to achcha feel kare aur agar
Nark
jaye to homely feel kare..

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?
To tell each other affectionately. .. Sweetheart U R Dead!

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has
it

_______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ___


Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of
Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

__________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _


Man receives telegram: Wife dead-should be buried or cremated?
Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

 

[Kelevmore]

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day
while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see
what he went through each day, so he prayed :-

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours
of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I
want her to know what I go through, so please create a
trade in our bodies". God, in His infinite wisdom,
granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a
woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed
them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to
school, came home ..... picked up the dry cleaning,
took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to
draw money to pay the electricity and telephone bills.


He drove to the electricity company and the phone
company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping,
came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the
cat's litter box and bathed the dog. By then it was
already 1:00 pm, so he hurried to make the beds, do
the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the
kitchen floor.

He rushed to the school to pick up the kids and got
into an argument with them on the way home which he
had to sort out in a gentle 'motherly' fashion. He set
out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do
their homework, then set up the ironing board and was
able to watch a bit of TV while he did the ironing. By
then it was 4:30 pm, so he began peeling potatoes and
washed greens for salads. He prepared the chops and
fresh vegetables and got everything ready in time for
an early dinner.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the
dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put
them to bed. At 9:00 pm he was exhausted and although
his chores weren't finished for the day, he went to
bed where he was expected to make love, which he
managed to get through without complaining. The next
morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
said :-

"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so
wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all
day. Please, O please, let us trade back!" The Lord,
in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you
have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change
things back to the way they were. You'll just have to
wait 9 months though, because you got pregnant last
night!!!"

 

[Kelevmore]

A woman sadly tells her husband: We will not be together in heaven as we may die at different times my dear.
After a pause her husband replied; my dear that is why the place is known as 'Heaven'.

 

[rrrrrr]

Marriage is an institution where man loses his Bachelors degree and woman gains her Masters.. After some years they both get Ph.D (Problem Holders Degree)!!!!!!