joke

WHY GUYS LIKE GALS

The Lovers of the Heart
In order to form a more perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to
promote to whom we please but one kiss.

Article 1: Statement of Love: The Kiss

1. Kiss on the hand.... I adore you

2. Kiss on the cheek... I just want to be friends

3. Kiss on the neck... I want you

4. Kiss on the lips... I love you

5. Kiss on the ears... I am just playing

6. Kiss anywhere else ... lets not get carried away

7. Look in your eyes ... kiss me

8. Playing with your hair... I can't live without you

9. Hand on your waist... I love you to much to let you go


Article 2: The Three Steps

1. Girls: If any guys gets fresh with you, slap him

2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, her intentions are still good

3. Guy and Girls: Close your eyes when kissing, it is rude to stare


Article 3: The Commandments

1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.

2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one.

3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity.

**Remember**

A peach is a peach,

A plum is a plum,

A kiss isn't a kiss without some tongue so open up your mouth,
close your eyes, and give your tongue some exercise!!!


That was the first chain letter. This is the second:

WELL here's a few reasons why guys like girls

1. They will always smell good even if its just shampoo

2. The way their heads always find the right spot on our shoulder

3. How cute they look when they sleep

4. the ease in which they fit into our arms

5. the way they kiss you and all of a sudden everything is right in the world

6. How cute they are when they eat

7. The way they take hours to get dressed
but in the end it makes it all worth while

8. because they are always warm even when its minus 30 outside

9. the way they look good no matter what they wear

10. the way they fish for compliments even though you both know
that you think she's the most beautiful thing on this earth

11. How cute they are when they argue

12. the way her hand always finds yours

13. the way they smile

14. the way you feel when you see their name on the call ID after
you just had a big fight

15. The way she says "lets not fight anymore" even though you know
that an hour later....

16. the way they kiss when you do something nice for them

17. The way they kiss you when you say "I love you'

18. Actually ... just the way they kiss you...

19. the way they fall into your arms when they cry

20. then the way they apologize for crying over something that silly

21. The way they hit you and expect it to hurt

22. Then the way apologize when it does hurt. (even though we don't admit it)!

23. the way they say "I miss you"

24. the way you miss them

25. the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't
hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they
would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not.
Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become
everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths
of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you
know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings
of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons. No paper would do it
justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only
felt.

This chain started in 1887. It is a love chain letter. In 5 days you are
supposed to send it to 25 people. It is easy, just look into chat rooms
and find them. Anyway, send it to 25 people in 5 days. Now here comes the
fun part. You then say the name of the person you like or love and then
the person will say "I love you," or "Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!!!!!


Now the consequences:

The consequences are:
If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future relationships.

If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!!!

Congratulations! You have been chosen to participate in the LONGEST
and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the Internet!

Once read, this letter must IMMEDIATELY (meaning within the hour) be sent to
10 people. After you send it, make a wish and it will come true in the amount
of time of days, as the time. For example, if you sent it @ 8:00, your wish
will come true in eight YOU MAY NOT WAIT FOR A CERTAIN TIME TO SEND IT........
REMEMBER, IT MUST BE SENT WITHIN 5 DAYS, OR YOUR WISH WILL NOT COME TRUE! If
THIS CHAIN LETTER IS CONTINUED UNTIL THE YEAR 2000, IT WILL BE PLACED IN THE

GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE CONTINUE IT NOW!!!

*WARNING* IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON, SOMETHING BAD OR WORSE WILL
HAPPEN TO YOU:

* NOTE* THE MORE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL

HAVE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE. IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN LETTER (IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE
1887) YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR SEVEN YEARS. THIS IS NO
JOKE. GOOD LUCK! Now tell me isn't this the cutest thing that you have
ever seen?



Here is that catch e-mail it to:

0 people -- nothing too bad will happen?

1-11 people -- you will get a happy surprise!

12-21 people -- someone that likes you will come out and tell you.

22-31 people -- someone that likes you will ask you out.

33-41+ people -- YOU WILL SEE (IT WILL BE GOOD)
 
what are u doing in a country of 90 crore. Include Original: Yes/No



> > > > >
What do you think?
Subject: FW: In acountry of 90 Crores The population
> > > > > > > of this country is 90 crores. 17 crores are
retired.
> > > > > > > That leaves 73 crores to do the work. There
are 24
> > > > > > > crores in school, which leaves 49 crore to do
the work
> > > > > > > Of this there are 20 crores employed by the
Central
> > > > > > > government, leaving 29 crores to do the work.
3 crores
> > > > > > > are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 26
crores to do
> > > > > > > the work. Take from the total the 18 crores
people who
> > > > > > > work for State and Governments and that
leaves 8
> > > > > > > crores to do the work. Total unemployed are 6
crores
> > > > > > > that leaves 2 crores to do the work At any
given time
> > > > > > > there are 1.2 crore people in hospitals,
leaving
> > > > > > > 80,00,000 to do the work Now, there are
79,99,998
> > > > > > > people in prisons. That leaves just two
people to do
> > > > > > > the work. You and me. And you're sitting at
your
> > > > > > > computer reading jokes!
 
If the Titanic was made in India
************************************
1. There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.

2. There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a
White dress, singing in the rain.

3. By the end of the movie hero would find his long
lost mom, dad, sister and brother.

4. It would be a seven-and-half-hour movie with
three intervals.

5. The movie would be called "Pyaar Kiya To Marna Kya".

6. The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother
will float in the cold water for days and yet survive.
The villain will drown in the first drop of water.

7. The iceberg was sent by the heroine's father to
teach a lesson to the hero.

8. None of the people would float for long because
of the saris.

9. The orchestra would play Jai Santoshi Maa and
ring Ghantees, and a ray of light would come and
transport the musicians to another ship.

10. And can you imagine how many times we would hear
"BACHAOOOO!!!"(HELP)?
 
If the Titanic was made in India
************************************
1. There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.

2. There would be a song with Kate Winslet in a
White dress, singing in the rain.

3. By the end of the movie hero would find his long
lost mom, dad, sister and brother.

4. It would be a seven-and-half-hour movie with
three intervals.

5. The movie would be called "Pyaar Kiya To Marna Kya".

6. The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother
will float in the cold water for days and yet survive.
The villain will drown in the first drop of water.

7. The iceberg was sent by the heroine's father to
teach a lesson to the hero.

8. None of the people would float for long because
of the saris.

9. The orchestra would play Jai Santoshi Maa and
ring Ghantees, and a ray of light would come and
transport the musicians to another ship.

10. And can you imagine how many times we would hear
"BACHAOOOO!!!"(HELP)?
 
Fwd:(damn good)India: The Reason to Smile Include Original: Yes/No




>>>>India: The Reason to Smile
>>>>
>>>> > > God was in the process of creating the universe.
>>>> > > And he was explaining his subordinates ........
>>>> > >
>>>> > > "Look everything should be in balance.For
example,after
>>>> > > every 10 deers there should be a lion.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > Look here my fellow angels,here is the country of the
United
>>>> > > States.I have blessed them with prosperity and
money.But at the
>>>> > > same time I have given them insecurity and
tension....
>>>> > >
>>>> > > And here is Africa.I have given them beautiful
nature.
>>>> > > But at the same time,I have given them climatic
extremes....
>>>> > >
>>>> > > And here is South America.I have given them lots of
forests.
>>>> > > But at the same time,I have given them lesser land so
that
>>>> > > they would have to cut off the forests...
>>>> > >
>>>> > > So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.
>>>> > > One of the angels asked... "God, what is this
extremely
>>>> > > beautiful country here?"
>>>> > >
>>>> > > God said.......
>>>> > > "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. INDIA ,
my most
>>>> > > precious creation.It has understanding and friendly
people.
>>>>Sparkling
>>>> > > streams,serene mountains. A culture which speaks of
the great
>>>> > > tradition that they live.Technologically brilliant
and with a heart
>>>>of
>>>> > > gold.....
>>>> > >
>>>> > > The angel was quite surprised "But god you said
everything
>>>> > > should be in balance."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > God replied - "Look at the neighbours,I gave
them."
>>>> > >
>>>> > > P.S. - PASS IT TO AS MANY INDIANS YOU KNOW.
>>>> > >
>>>> > > !!!!!Vande Mataram!!!!!
>>>> > >
 
To :(find your love attitude number, add your birth month and your birth
date together. Keep reducing it until it's a single digit.
(Example: January 28 =3D 1+28 =3D 29 =3D 2+9 =3D 11 =3D 1+1 =3D 2; your =
love
attitude number is 2)
Read on below to find out what your love style is supposed to be.

1. One-You are charming imaginative and independent. Usually your style
is ahead of others; you know what's in and what's way out Sometimes
you're a little too aggressive when it comes to pursuing a love
interest. You have a way of drawing attention wherever you go, and this
dramatic flair usually attracts the strongest guys. Your competitive
nature either draws or repels guys/gals ... but those who can't handle
your power aren't your type anyway. At times you can be possessive,
manipulating and demanding with your friends and in love relationships.
You like guys/gals with lots of intelligence...and knock-'em-dead good
looks don't hurt either.

2. Two-Your love nature is sentimental, romantic and kind. Your
easygoing, mild manner allows almost everyone to feel very
comfortable with you - especially shy guys/gals.Your modesty and tact
enable you to get along easily with both sexes. You are a natural
peacemaker and can be very persuasive with words, which helps you to
gain the respect of your classmates. You can also be too sensitive at
times, and your greatest drawback is a lack of confidence to stand up
for yourself in conflict. Your favorite type of guy is a gentle,
affectionate one who is also strong and playful. A great sense of humor
is also a must. A guy/gal who loves to listen to music and dance should
rank high on your list of
favorites
=2E

3. Three-You are imaginative, fun loving, thrill seeking and
expressive. You're so charming that you attract many friends and
you are almost never lacking guys/gals. In your earlier years, you may
be totally shy and self-conscious, but you'll lose those
qualities in the high-school years. You can be sort of vain or even a
bit of a show-off when you get caught up in exciting events in your
life, but you usually deem yourself in some playful way before you lose
a friend. Jealousy shows its ugly head sometimes, but generally you
aren't affected by it unless your guy tries to provoke it. In the guy
department, you prefer the athletic or artistic types. You're in
absolute heaven when you find both of those qualities in the same guy.
When you're looking for love, a guy
who can make you laugh scores points, big time!

4: Four- You tend to be loyal, dedicated and good hearted. You're one of=

the most diligent students when you really try, and you tend to make
your schoolwork a priority. You also express those same qualities in
your love relationship. No one is more faithful and trusting than you.
In fact, those tendencies can be a little negative in you romantic
life. You may sometimes hang on too long to a guy/gal who doesn't give
you the respect and love you deserve. You can be stubborn and a bit of a=

troublemaker if the mood strikes you but you can usually dig yourself
out of that hole just in time to stay out of major trouble. You usually
fall for extremes when choosing a love mate - he/she may be a show-off
or a teacher's pet. Whatever the type, it helps if he/she is
good-looking, too, but that's a major consideration for you.

5. Five- Your love attitude is adventurous, charismatic and spontaneous.=

You're creative and adaptable and you can come up
with the most exciting and sometimes daring things to do. Your quick
intelligence and way with words help get you out of the
problems that come with being flirtatious and playing hard to get. You
need to pay close attention to your personal values because you love to
try new and different things and easily go along with the crowd and the
consequences can put extra strain on your relationship with a boy/girl.
You like guys who have great bodies and good looks, along with
exceptional brain and high grades. It helps if they are highly athletic
or involved in as many activities as you, otherwise you might get bored!=

Variety is the
key to your love attitude number.

6. Six- You are warm, loving, devoted and affectionate. Your outgoing,
thoughtful nature attracts many girlfriends to you, and
usually some of the nicest guys too. Because of your need to care, you
can end up in a relationship that requires too much care- taking to make=

it balanced. Since home and family play important roles in your life,
you are unlikely to be attracted to guys/gals who your parents wouldn't
like. Sometimes you have a slight jealous streak ... but it doesn't
last long. Some people with this love attitude number are prone to
making harsh judgments of others, especially when others don't share
your set of values. You are especially attracted to the good-looking
boy-next-door type who is smart as well as a gentleman.

7. Seven- Your love nature is thoughtful, poetic, mystical and
mysterious. A few people with love attitude number seven are class
clowns, and they usually attract guys/gals who like to be given a hard
time. But most of you are the quiet, reserved types who dislike calling
attention to yourself. Your type generally attracts guys who feel the
same way you do. Your refined,
independent and secretive nature is very alluring to certain guys/gals.
At times you can also be somewhat fault- finding and a
little demanding in your love relationship and with friends. You are
mostly attracted to guys/gals who aren't like all the rest; a
loner easily attracts you. And, if he/she reads a lot and enjoys
learning, he/she is especially perfect for you.

8. Eight- Your love attitude is confident, powerful and exciting. This
number usually makes for a very conscientious student,
someone who puts schoolwork ahead of a social life. However, you also
enjoy being a leader among your classmates and will seek offices or
other positions that enable you to use your leadership skills. Because
of this, you can be somewhat intimidating to certain guys/gals. You can
also be a little too intense, bossy and jealous for your own good. Your
love match is definitely someone who is smart, handsome and popular. You=

like quality over quantity and will usually wait until the guy/gal with
the best attributes comes along .

9. Nine- You have a sophisticated attitude that is also generous and
considerate. Your responsible, charitable nature may find you attracting=

guys/gals who want someone to confide in or who makes them feel secure.
At a very young age, you developed the type of personality that makes
others feel safe and protected. You will carry these qualities into your=

adult years and, down the road, you'll be a good mom because of them. On=

the negative side, you can be argumentative and overly emotional, and
you usually possess a temper that can make everyone run for cover. You
like the kind of guy/gal who is responsible and impeccably dressed and
has gorgeous eyes and a great body. Charm, wit and (of course)
brilliance could make him the perfect guy/gal for you.
 
What Your Birth Month Says About You


What your birth month says about you?

JANUARY
Ambitious and serious
Loves to teach and be taught
Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
Likes to criticize
Hardworking and productive
Smart, neat and organized
Sensitive and has deep thoughts
Knows how to make others happy
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Rather reserved
Highly attentive
Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
Loves children
Homely person
Loyal
Needs to improve social abilities
Easily jealous

FEBRUARY
Abstract thoughts
Loves reality and abstract
Intelligent and clever
Changing personality
Temperamental
Quiet, shy and humble
Low self esteem
Honest and loyal
Determined to reach goals
Loves freedom
Rebellious when restricted
Loves aggressiveness
Too sensitive and easily hurt
Showing anger easily
Dislike unnecessary things
Loves making friends but rarely shows it
Daring and stubborn
Ambitious
Realizing dreams and hopes
Sharp
Loves entertainment and leisure
Romantic on the inside not outside
Superstitious and ludicrous
Spendthrift
Learns to show emotions

MARCH
Attractive personality
Affectionate
Shy and reserved
Secretive
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
Loves peace and serenity
Sensitive to others
Loves to serve others
Not easily angered
Trustworthy
Appreciative and returns kindness
Observant and assess others
Revengeful
Loves to dream and fantasize
Loves travelling
Loves attention
Hasty decisions in choosing partners
Loves home decors
Musically talented
Loves special things
Moody

APRIL
Active and dynamic
Decisive and haste but tends to regret
Attractive and affectionate to oneself
Strong mentality
Loves attention
Diplomatic
Consoling
Friendly and solves people's problems
Brave and fearless
Adventurous
Loving and caring
Suave and generous
Emotional
Revengeful
Aggressive
Hasty
Good memory
Moving
Motivate oneself and the others
Sickness usually of the head and chest
Easily get too jealous

MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted
Strong-willed and highly motivated
Sharp thoughts
Easily angered
Attracts others and loves attention
Deep feelings
Beautiful physically and mentally
Firm standpoint
Easily influenced
Needs no motivation
Easily consoled
Systematic (left brain)
Loves to dream
Strong clairvoyance
Understanding
Sickness usually in the ear and neck
Good imagination
Good debating skills
Good physical
Weak breathing
Loves literature and the arts
Loves travelling
Dislike being at home
Restless
Not having many children
Hardworking
High spirited
Spendthrift

JUNE
Thinks far with vision
Easily influenced by kindness
Polite and soft-spoken
Having lots of ideas
Sensitive
Active mind
Hesitating
Tends to delay
Choosy and always wants the best
Temperamental
Funny and humorous
Loves to joke
Good debating skills
Talkative
Daydreamer
Friendly
Knows how to make friends
Abiding
Able to show character
Easily hurt
Prone to getting colds
Loves to dress up
Easily bored
Fussy
Seldom show emotions
Takes time to recover when hurt
Brand conscious
Executive
Stubborn
Those who loves me are enemies
Those who hates me are friends

JULY
Fun to be with
Secretive
Difficult to fathom and to be understood
Quiet unless excited or tensed
Takes pride in oneself
Has reputation
Easily consoled
Honest
Concern about people's feelings
Tactful
Friendly
Approachable
Very emotional
Temperamental and unpredictable
Moody and easily hurt
Witty and sarky
Sentimental
Not revengeful
Forgiving but never forgets
Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things
Guides others physically and mentally
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully
Caring and loving
Treats others equally
Strong sense of sympathy
Wary and sharp
Judge people through observations
Hardworking
No difficulties in studying
Loves to be alone
Always broods about the past and the old friends
Likes to be quiet
Homely person
Waits for friends
Never looks for friends
Not aggressive unless provoked
Prone to having stomach and dieting problems
Loves to be loved
Easily hurt but takes long to recover
Overly concerned
Puts in effort in work

AUGUST
Loves to joke
Attractive
Suave and caring
Brave and fearless
Firm and has leadership qualities
Knows how to console others
Too generous and egoistic
Takes high pride of oneself
Thirsty for praises
Extraordinary spirit
Easily angered
Angry when provoked
Easily jealous
Observant
Careful and cautious
Thinks quickly
Independent thoughts
Loves to lead and to be led
Loves to dream
Talented in the arts, music and defense
Sensitive but not petty
Poor resistance against illnesses
Learns to relax
Hasty and rushy
Romantic
Loving and caring
Loves to make friends

SEPTEMBER
Suave and compromising
Careful, cautious and organized
Likes to point out people's mistakes
Likes to criticize
Quiet but able to talk well
Calm and cool
Kind and sympathetic
Concerned and detailed
Trustworthy, loyal and honest
Does work well
Sensitive
Thinking
Good memory
Clever and knowledgeable
Loves to look for information
Must control oneself when criticizing
Able to motivate oneself
Understanding
Secretive
Loves sports, leisure and travelling
Hardly shows emotions
Tends to bottle up feelings
Choosy especially in relationships
Loves wide things
Systematic

OCTOBER
Loves to chat
Loves those who loves him
Loves to takes things at the center
Attractive and suave
Inner and physical beauty
Does not lie or pretend
Sympathetic
Treats friends importantly
Always making friends
Easily hurt but recovers easily
Bad tempered
Selfish
Seldom helps unless asked
Daydreamer
Very opinionated
Does not care of what others think
Emotional
Decisive
Strong clairvoyance
Loves to travel, the arts and literature
Soft-spoken, loving and caring
Romantic
Touchy and easily jealous
Concerned
Loves outdoors
Just and fair
Spendthrift and easily influenced
Easily lose confidence

NOVEMBER
Has a lot of ideas
Difficult to fathom
Thinks forward
Unique and brilliant
Extraordinary ideas
Sharp thinking
Fine and strong clairvoyance
Can become good doctors
Careful and cautious
Dynamic in personality
Secretive
Inquisitive
Knows how to dig secrets
Always thinking
Less talkative but amiable
Brave and generous
Patient
Stubborn and hard-hearted
If there is a will, there is a way
Determined
Never give up
Hardly becomes angry unless provoked
Loves to be alone
Thinks differently from others
Sharp-minded
Motivates oneself
Does not appreciates praises
High-spirited
Well-built and tough
Deep love and emotions
Romantic
Uncertain in relationships
Homely
Hardworking
High abilities
Trustworthy
Honest and keeps secrets
Not able to control emotions
Unpredictable

DECEMBER
Loyal and generous
Patriotic
Active in games and interactions
Impatient and hasty
Ambitious
Influential in organizations
Fun to be with
Loves to socialize
Loves praises
Loves attention
Loves to be loved
Honest and trustworthy
Not pretending
Short tempered
Changing personality
Not egoistic
Takes high pride in oneself
Hates restrictions
Loves to joke
Good sense of humor
Logical
 
This is the funniest joke ever:

A cricket match is on between the Aussies & Indians
at Wankhede Stadium.

Bal Thackrey is sitting in the balcony watching it.
He's very happy that the Pakis are not there.

Suddenly Sachin hits a sixer to McGrath and the ball
lands up just next to Bal Thackrey's seat.

McGrath shouts, "Hey ! Gimme the ball back."

Thackrey shouts back, "Yey Marathit bol." (another
language)

McGrath doesn't understand a thing & repeats his
statement.

This gets the same reply from Thackrey.

Now, a security official standing at the boundry
goes to McGrath & tells him, "Sir,that is Bal Thackrey."

Now McGrath is excited, (he has heard about him) and
shouts, "OH! BALL TAK REY ["Throw the ball", in Marathi
(for those who don't know)]."

Bal Thackrey is happy and throws the ball back to hi
 
Blonde Detectives

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become
detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his
profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her,"This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course
only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his profile!
Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him? He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid
answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The
suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know
himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I
check his file and I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and
goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes
back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses
because
he only has one eye and one ear."
 
Subject: jokes
>
>
>
>
> Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain:
> "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost
> power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the
> ocean" The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but
> were somewhat comforted by the captain's next
> announcement.
>
> "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an
> emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your
> seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane
> and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
> After this announcement all the passengers rearranged their seating to
> comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the
> captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an
> announcement:
>
> "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the
> swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your
> emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the
> non-swimmers on the left side of plane...
>
> " THANK YOU FOR FLYING LUFTHANSA! "
>
>
>
>
> British Airways -
>
> "This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to
> welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York
> to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway
> across the Atlantic."
>
> "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft,
> you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If
> you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the
> port wing has fallen off." "If you look down towards the
> Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people
> in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one
> of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."
>
>
>
> Air France -
> There once was a flight heading from London to New York. Halfway
> during the flight, the captain suddenly comes over the
> intercom system...
>
> "This is Captain Jean-Pierre Lalonde speaking. I have a bit of bad
> news for you. We have lost our first left engine, but never fear,
> we can still make it using only three engines. But because of the loss of
> power, we will be two hours late."
> Time goes on, and once again the PA system crackles to life... "This
> is again your Captain. We have lost an engine on our
> starboard wing. But rest assured that our plane can fly using only two
> engines. Due to the reduced power, we will
> now be four hours late."
>
> The flight goes on, when the passengers hear the now familiar sound of
> the address system... "Guess what, folks! We lost
> another engine, but nothing to fear. We can still make it using only one
> engine. But now we will be six hours late. "
>
> On hearing this, an elderly lady turned to the person sitting next to her,
> and said: "I hope we don't lose ANOTHER engine. I'll be late
> for my connecting flight from New York!"
>
>
>
>
> Tail Piece:
> ----------
>
> Air India -
>
> You never hear any such happenings overboard an Air India flight. Does
> it sound strange? Yet, it is true, since:
>
> 1. the public addressing system is the first to go for a toss and
> 2. there are no survivors to tell such tales in any and every case.
>
> Regards,
> Arti Warty
> ICICI Infotech Services Ltd.
> Mahalaxmi
> Tel 4906064
>
>
>
>
Feel the pulse of the stock market on the tip of your finger
Online Investments at ICICI Direct- Share Trading India, Online Trading, Share Trading Commodity, Mutual Funds, Personal Finance.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



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excellent joke!!!


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and
fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that
there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and
insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent
 
HE:I'm a photographer.i've been looking for a face like yours!
>>SHE:I'm a plastic surgeon.i've been looking for a face like yours!!!
>>
>>HE:Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
>>SHE:Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!
>>
>>HE:May i have the pleasure of this dance?
>>SHE:No,i'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
>>
>>HE:How did you get to be so beautiful?
>>SHE:I must've been given your share!!!
>>
>>HE:Is it hot in here or is it just you?
>>SHE:It's hot!!!
>>
>>HE:I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
>>SHE:Okay,but would you stay there?
>>
>>HE:Will you come out with me this Saturday?
>>SHE:Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!
>>
>>HE:Your face must turn a few heads!
>>SHE:And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
>>
>>HE:Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!
>>SHE:Okay,get out!!!
>>
>>HE:I think i could make you very happy
>>SHE:Why,are you leaving?
>>
>>HE:What would you say if i asked u to marry me?
>>SHE:Nothing. i can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
>>
>>HE:Can i have your name?
>>SHE:why,don't you already have one?
>>
>>HE:Shall we go and see a film?
>>SHE:I've already seen it!!!
>>
>>HE:Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
>>SHE:Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!
 
HE:I'm a photographer.i've been looking for a face like yours!
>>SHE:I'm a plastic surgeon.i've been looking for a face like yours!!!
>>
>>HE:Hi!didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
>>SHE:Must've been once.i never make the same mistake twice!!!
>>
>>HE:May i have the pleasure of this dance?
>>SHE:No,i'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
>>
>>HE:How did you get to be so beautiful?
>>SHE:I must've been given your share!!!
>>
>>HE:Is it hot in here or is it just you?
>>SHE:It's hot!!!
>>
>>HE:I'd go to the ends of the world for you!
>>SHE:Okay,but would you stay there?
>>
>>HE:Will you come out with me this Saturday?
>>SHE:Sorry! i'm having a headache this weekend!!!
>>
>>HE:Your face must turn a few heads!
>>SHE:And your face must turn a few stomachs!!!
>>
>>HE:Go on ,don't be shy.Ask me out!
>>SHE:Okay,get out!!!:fear:
>>
>>HE:I think i could make you very happy
>>SHE:Why,are you leaving?
>>
>>HE:What would you say if i asked u to marry me?
>>SHE:Nothing. i can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
>>
>>HE:Can i have your name?
>>SHE:why,don't you already have one?
>>
>>HE:Shall we go and see a film?
>>SHE:I've already seen it!!!
>>
>>HE:Do you think it was fate which brought us together?
>>SHE:Nah,it was plain bad luck!!!
 
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------


NOTE: Please do not Soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.


1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

2. First name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yours: ___

9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __

10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no,leave blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________ _________ _______

(** If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please provide your own thumb impression .)

PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
 
A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills:

Bhai ek Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one

Will, so the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said

"Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".
 
Ajit: Maikal, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?

Maikal: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai.

Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.

Maikal: Yes Boss.

AJIT: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......
 
Two aliens were visiting Earth to research the local customs.

They split up so that they could learn more in the time allowed.

When they met to share their knowledge, the first alien told of a religious ceremony it had seen.

"I went to a large green field shaped like a meteorite crater. Around the edges, several thousand worshippers gathered. Then two priests walk to the centre of the field to a rectangular area and hammer six spears into the ground, three at each end. Then eleven more priests walk out, clad in white robes. Then two high priests wielding clubs walk to the centre and one of the other priests starts throwing a red orb at the ones with the clubs."

"Gee," replied the other alien, "what happens next?"

"Then it begins to rain."
 
Indian Team Manager : "Hello"(over Phone)

Caller :"Can I talk to Azharuddin Please,I am his friend and
calling from Hyderabad."

Indian Team Manager:"Sorry,he went to bat"

Azharuddin's friend:"No Problem Manager, I will Hold on"
 
DIVORCE COURT SCENE :
The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG):
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live
with your mummy?
LG - No, my mummy beats me.
J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
LG - No, my daddy beats me too.
J. - Well then, who do you want to live with?
LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they never
beat anybody !!!
 
Foolproof Fielding - Saurav Ganguly
Evils of Gambling - Shane Warne and Mark Waugh
Diplomacy - Umpire Darrel Hair
My Maiden Test Century- Courtney Walsh (only the covers printed so far)
Books from Geoffrey Boycott - Playing For Your Team, French Conversation Skills, 101 Ways to Show Her You Care with the sequel Understanding Women.
Javagal Srinath's Fitness Secrets
The Catcher In The Deep - Venkatesh Prasad
A Tail Of Two Runs - Anil Kumble, Ajit Agarkar, Javagal Srinath and Venkatesh Prasad
Every Which Way But The Stumps - Indian fielders
The Art of Clapping - Ajay Jadeja
The Silence of the Keepers - Nayan Mongia & Moin Khan
Cheery Press Conferences I have known - Mohammed Azharuddin
Big Hitting - Rahul Dravid
Facing Fast Bowlers - Ajay Jadeja
 
What is cricket ?

* You have two sides one out in the field and one in .
* Each man that's in the side that's in goes out and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out .
* When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out .
* Sometimes you get men still in and not out .
* When both sides have been in and out including the not outs , THAT'S THE END OF THE GAME !

HOWZAT !!!!!
 
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