Joke of the Day (P.J's)

savio13

savio13

Savio Cabral
What goes up the chimney down, but not down the chimney up?
-An umbrella

After a careful examination the doctor said, “ I’m sorry to tell you that you’ve only got four hours to live. Is there anyone you want to see before you go?”
-“Yes,” answered the patient. “ Another doctor.”

“Joey, can you come out and play?”
-“No. I have to help my dad do my homework.”

What did the elevator say to the doctor?
-“I’m coming down with something.”

What is the longest word in English?
-Smiles.There’s a mile between each 's'



 
Engineer vs. Manager

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

You must be an engineer" says the balloonist.

"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says "you must be in management."

"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
 
This joke is from 2001 when Nortel stock was near its all time low

If you had purchased $1,000 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would be worth $67.37 today. If you would have taken that same $1,000 and purchased Budweiser (the beer, not the stock), drank all the beer and redeemed each bottle for the nickel deposit, you would have $78.95.

The moral of the story..... Drink heavily and recycle

 
A man brought a very limp dog into the veterinary clinic. As he laid the dog on the table, the doctor pulled out his stethoscope, placing the receptor on the dog's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, but your dog has passed away." "What?" screamed the man. "How can you tell? You haven't done any testing on him or anything. I want another opinion!" With that, the vet turned and left the room. In a few moments, he returned with a Labrador retriever. The Retriever went right to work, sniffing and prodding, checking the poor dead dog out thoroughly. After a considerable amount of sniffing, the Retriever sadly shook his head and said, "Bark".

The veterinarian then took the Labrador out and returned in a few moments with a cat, which also checked out the poor dog on the table. As had his predecessors, the cat sadly shook his head and said, "Meow." He then jumped off the table and ran out of the room. The veterinarian handed the man a bill for $600. The dog's owner went berserk. "$600! Just to tell me my dog is dead? This is outrageous!"

The vet shook his head sadly and explained. "If you had taken my word for it, it would have been $50, but with the Lab work and the cat scan....
 
This guy gets a parrot but it's got a bad attitude and foul vocabulary. He tries everything to change the bird's attitude and clean up its talk but nothing works. Finally, in a moment of desperation, he puts the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he hears the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all is quiet. He opens the freezer door. The parrot steps out and says, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. The guy's astounded at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued, "By the way, may I ask - what did the chicken do?"
 
Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor
grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his
neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were
forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem
for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The
Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the
priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh,
and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."

Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The
wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the
neighbourhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and,
as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to
scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he
carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz
born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and
you waz raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato"!

-- Singh is King...
 
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