Joke Junction
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rj031086
Rohan Jain
Here's i start by posting my set of jokes.
1)
Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
2)
A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay
3)
1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
4)
Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna…!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
5)
A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Sohan Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Ghafoor Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
6)
Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
7)
Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kah kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm
8)
Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
9)
EIK KANJOOS KHALI KATOREY MAIN
ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU POUCHA
AP YAH KIA KAR RAHEY HIAN
KANJOOS NE JAWAB DIYA
MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HOON OR DALL
SUPPOSE KAR KAY KHARAHA HOON
10)
Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
hahahahaha...................lol
1)
Kanjoos: Yeh kaila(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Kanjoos: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Kanjoos:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
2)
A Kanjoos on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons & daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Kanjoos:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay
3)
1 Kanjoos 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
4)
Kanjoos ne arbi ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Arbi ne usay MERCEDES gift kardi.
Arbi ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Kanjoos ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Arbi ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Kanjoos:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Arbi:Munna…!!
Ab hamarey ander bhi Kanjoos ka khoon dor raha hay
5)
A Kanjoos called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Baap Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Kanjoos: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Sohan Bhai Died".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Kanjoos: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Ghafoor Bhai Died - Suzuki for Sale .
6)
Kanjoos ask to Taxi Driver: Abdullah Shah Ghazi k mazaar jao gay?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Kanjoos ne jaib se shopper nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ki biryani lete aana.
7)
Shadi me 1 Kanjoos bahut der tk khata raha,
Kse ne pocha bhae kb tk khaty rhogy?
Kanjoos: Yaar me khud kah kha k thak gya hun pr kya kron card me lkha tha "Dinner 7 to 10pm
8)
Kanjoos to dukandar: Yaar zara toothbrush dena mere brush ka 1 baal toot gaya hai
Dukandar: 1 baal toota to naya q lerahe ho
Kanjoos: jo toota hai woh akhri tha.
9)
EIK KANJOOS KHALI KATOREY MAIN
ROTI DABA KAR KHA RAHA THA
WAITER NE DEKA TU POUCHA
AP YAH KIA KAR RAHEY HIAN
KANJOOS NE JAWAB DIYA
MAIN MATHS KA TEACHER HOON OR DALL
SUPPOSE KAR KAY KHARAHA HOON
10)
Titanic K Sath Kanjoos Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost:Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Kanjoos:
Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
hahahahaha...................lol
rj031086
Rohan Jain
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
***************
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
***************
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
***************
Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".
***************
Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!"
***************
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
***************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
***************
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "
Bombay Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
***************
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:> "I Mr YOU" !!.
***************
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
***************
Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the
office....
***************
After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice.
He first checked the Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly
Said:
Torch is okay"
***************
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
***************
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
***************
Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
***************
Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- "1 Miss Call".
***************
Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!"
***************
Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
***************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
***************
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "
Bombay Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
***************
Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied:> "I Mr YOU" !!.
***************
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
***************
Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the
office....
***************
After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice.
He first checked the Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly
Said:
Torch is okay"
***************
rj031086
Rohan Jain
J u s t L a u g h
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market..
Santa's girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse
hi karunga!
Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just
tell me, will it keep me warm?
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..
..................................
Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market..
Santa's girfriend: Meri maa aapko bahut pasand karti hai.
Santa, after a deep thought: Kuchh bhi ho jaye, shaadi to main tujhse
hi karunga!
Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just
tell me, will it keep me warm?
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya, gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta:-Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo..
..................................
rj031086
Rohan Jain
Three men a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my ass hole." and the idiot went to Heaven.
"Gentlemen," the Devil started, "Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don't know or cannot answer, then you're worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you'll come with me to Hell."
The philosopher then stepped up, "OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates' teachings," With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked, "Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!" With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. "Then, go to Hell!" With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.
The idiot then stepped forward and said, "Bring me a chair!" The Devil brought forward a chair. "Drill 7 holes on the seat." The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, "Which hole did my fart come out from?"
The Devil inspected the seat and said, "The third hole from the right."
"Wrong," said the idiot, "it's from my ass hole." and the idiot went to Heaven.
rj031086
Rohan Jain
A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first Singh answers, "That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman
says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side
profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would
you recognize him?"
The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singh
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears
contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really
doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,
checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming
smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear."
detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your
suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first Singh answers, "That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman
says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side
profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, "This is your suspect, how
would
you recognize him?"
The second Singh smiles and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer." The Singh
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears
contact lenses." The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really
doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an
interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and
I'll get back to you on that." He leaves the room and goes to his office,
checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming
smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the Singh replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear."
rj031086
Rohan Jain
Srdr: I hav'nt slept all nite in the train.
Frnd: Y?
Srdr: Got u pper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b
there............. Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
THE BEST --
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec
a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED&RETIRED!
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the
Branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Srdr:"I've been
promoted as branch manager."
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure
as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr
after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar :- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'..........
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divi de, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa who died peacefuly
in his
sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d car he was driving..
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what
you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for
more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in
the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU Y AN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXYGEN TUBE!"
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Its funny when people discuss over "love m arriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing! by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewe r : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer: .......!!!!!!!
Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito
and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: two days before his funeral.
Banta: Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can think
of........
Santa: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car
in a restricted area. The Judge askd him if he had
anything to say in his defence. "They should not put
up such misleading notices", said Banta. "It said,
FINE FOR PARKING HERE"
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of
their parents achievements to each other.
Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes I have.
Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of
Dead Sea?
Santa Singh : Yes I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.
Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
jab koi ladki shadi se pahle pregnant ho,
Aur uski maa bole "HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA?"
Frnd: Y?
Srdr: Got u pper berth.
Frnd: Y did'nt u Xchnged?
Srdr: oye, there was nobody 2 Xchng in the lower berth..
Sardar tells a girl "Come 2 my house at nite, nobody will b
there............. Girl goes at night & realy nobody was there
THE BEST --
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 sec
a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Sardar-why r all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?
Sardar had twins; he named them Tin Martin.
Again had twins & named Peter & Repeater.
again twins & named Max & Climax.
Again d same. disgusted Sardar named them TIRED&RETIRED!
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs tree, sits on the
Branch regularly. A man asks why he does this. Srdr:"I've been
promoted as branch manager."
Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure
as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college.
U know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.
Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever -
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever u order first will come first.
Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave 11 cr
after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.!
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet
Sardar :- why did u come so far. Instead u could have posted it....
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'..........
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
A Sardar & his wife filed an application 4 Divorce.
Judge asked: How'll U divi de, U"VE 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! We"ll apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die lik my grandpa who died peacefuly
in his
sleep not screaming like all d passengers in d car he was driving..
Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what
you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that’s a mirror!
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for
more..
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in
the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''.
Sardar visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
Man says CHIN YU Y AN n dies.
Srdr goes2 china 2 find meaning of friends last words.
It is 'U R STANDNG ON D OXYGEN TUBE!"
A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a
woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence
into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Its funny when people discuss over "love m arriage" and "arranged marriage"
It is like asking a person if he would like to "hang himself" or "shoot himself".
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic planes passing! by can't be heard.
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?"
Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"
He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"
How can a Sardar Kill a Lion ? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard &
comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo
ta ra ra.
Papa : beta har parai stri ko apni Maa samjho to tumhara character
thik ho jaaega.....Beta : Lekin Papa fir Aap ke character ka kya
hoga....???
Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a
Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher
Studies
Yaar...!!!
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewe r : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer: .......!!!!!!!
Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito
and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito.
Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: two days before his funeral.
Banta: Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can think
of........
Santa: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car
in a restricted area. The Judge askd him if he had
anything to say in his defence. "They should not put
up such misleading notices", said Banta. "It said,
FINE FOR PARKING HERE"
Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of
their parents achievements to each other.
Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes I have.
Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of
Dead Sea?
Santa Singh : Yes I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.
Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata hai?
jab koi ladki shadi se pahle pregnant ho,
Aur uski maa bole "HEY BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA?"
rj031086
Rohan Jain
Title : SANTA IN TAMILNADU EXPRESS
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
rj031086
Rohan Jain
1.
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that - "in our family we marry only with our relatives: my grandfather married my grandmother, my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my sister married my jijajee, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me."
2.
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
3.
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
4.
A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sarder says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
5.
One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there, they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.
They had to go to delhi the next day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked "tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".
The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form, the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"?
Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate " the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied "Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"
6.
One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma-bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that - "in our family we marry only with our relatives: my grandfather married my grandmother, my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my sister married my jijajee, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me."
2.
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
3.
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
4.
A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sarder says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
5.
One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there, they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.
They had to go to delhi the next day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked "tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".
The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form, the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"?
Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate " the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied "Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"
6.
One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma-bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.
*In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.The salesperson, a young
> boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the customer
> insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room
> and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his
> surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added
> immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".After
> the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being
> clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from? To this the boy
> said, "I come from Mexico. The place consists of only prostitutes and
> football players!!!!!".The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from
> Mexico". To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play
> for?*
>
>
>
> *"Believe in yourself and never panic".*
> boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the customer
> insisted on buying only 1/2 kg. So the boy went inside to the manager's room
> and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter". To his
> surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added
> immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".After
> the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being
> clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from? To this the boy
> said, "I come from Mexico. The place consists of only prostitutes and
> football players!!!!!".The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from
> Mexico". To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she play
> for?*
>
>
>
> *"Believe in yourself and never panic".*
rj031086
Rohan Jain
Sardar got into a bus on 1st April when conductor asked for ticket.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
------------ --
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
------------ ---------
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
------------ --------
Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one
before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
------------ --------- --------- -
2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
============ ========= ==
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from
his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
============ ========= ====
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.
============ ========= =======
Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
============ ======
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
He gave Rs.10/- and took the ticket and said April fool. I have pass.
------------ --
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the
computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
------------ ---------
On a romantic day sardar's girlfriend asks him. Darling on our
engagement day will you give me a ring.
Sardar : Ya sure, from landline or mobile.
------------ --------
Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one
before you die?
Patient : Yes. A good doctor.
------------ --------- --------- -
2 sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1 : What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
sardar 2 : Dont worry, I have one more.
============ ========= ==
Sardar was busy removing a wheel from
his auto. A man asks sardar why
are you removing a wheel from your auto.
sardar : Cant you read the board. Parking is only for 2 wheeler.
============ ========= ====
Sardar : What is the name of your car ?
Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with "T".
Sardar : Oye Kamaal ki gaadi hai, Tea se start hoti hai. Hamaara gaadi
petrol se start hoti hai.
============ ========= =======
Boss : Where were you born ?
sardar : Punjab .
Boss : which part ?
sardar : Kya which part ? Whole body born in punjab.
============ ======
How will you destroy a submarine full of sardars ?
Simple. Just knock the door and they will open it.
rj031086
Rohan Jain
A Sardar, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Sardar was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Sardar replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.
Sardar smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!
rj031086
Rohan Jain
The Smart officer asked the man, "Are you an Indian?????".
"Yes", the man replied proudly.
The officer then said, "Is your wife pregnant????"
"Yes", replied the man. He was a bit annoyed by the question as it was obviously visible that his wife was pregnant and the officer still asked that question. But he kept quiet. Now, the officer thought it was time to have some fun.
He asked the Indian, "If it is a boy, what would u like him to be?????"
"I'd make him a Software Engineer", the man said proudly.
"What if it is a girl ????" asked the officer.
"I'd make her a doctor", the man replied.
Now, the officer gave the man a naughty grin and said, "What if it is neither a boy nor a girl?"
The smart Indian realized the whole point of this officer speaking to him. He realized that these officers were trying to embarrass him so he decided to give it back to them. He thought for a second, returned the same naughty smile back to the officer and said, "In that case, he will join the Pakistan army......."
"Yes", the man replied proudly.
The officer then said, "Is your wife pregnant????"
"Yes", replied the man. He was a bit annoyed by the question as it was obviously visible that his wife was pregnant and the officer still asked that question. But he kept quiet. Now, the officer thought it was time to have some fun.
He asked the Indian, "If it is a boy, what would u like him to be?????"
"I'd make him a Software Engineer", the man said proudly.
"What if it is a girl ????" asked the officer.
"I'd make her a doctor", the man replied.
Now, the officer gave the man a naughty grin and said, "What if it is neither a boy nor a girl?"
The smart Indian realized the whole point of this officer speaking to him. He realized that these officers were trying to embarrass him so he decided to give it back to them. He thought for a second, returned the same naughty smile back to the officer and said, "In that case, he will join the Pakistan army......."
rj031086
Rohan Jain
RAAT ME JAB KOI SMS ATA HAI,
HAME SIRF APHI KA KHAYAL ATA HAI,
KYUKI JAB SARA JAHAN SO JATA HAI,
TAB SIRF ULLU HI MANDRATA HAI!!!
*************
EK CHINTI AUR HAATHI KO PYAR HO JATA HAI,
CHINTI K MAA BAAP
SHAADI SE INKAAR KAR DETE HAI..
REASON PUCHHA TO KAHA..
......LADKE KE DAANT BAHAR HAI!!!
*************
AAP KI KASHISH,
SARFAROSH HAI...
AAP KA NASHA....
YU MADHOSH HAI...
KYA KAHE TUMSE JAANE JAAN..
'TU KARGOSH HAI'
*************
LIFE WAS LONELY
AND A BIG MESS..
I NEEDED A FRIEND TO OVERCOME
THE STRESS...THEN GUESS WHAT???
U CAME INTO MY LIFE...
AND I THOUGHT...
GOD REALLY CAN'T SEE ME HAPPY!
***************
WHEN I OPEN MY EYES IN THE
MORNING....I PRAY TO GOD
THAT EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE
A FRIEND LIKE YOU...
..
..
..
Y SHOULD ONLY I SUFFER???!!
*************
FRIENDS ARE LIKE FISHES
U AHVE TO SIT PATIENTLY
FOR A LONG TIME TO
CATCH A NICE ONE....
JUST AS I CAUGHT YOU..
BETTER STAY NICE....
OR I'LL FRY U !!!
*************
LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE:
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS R BLUE..
U R BEAUTIFUL,
I LOVE U!
LOVE AFTER MARRIAGE:
ROSES R DEAD
IM BLUE...
U GET ON MY NERVES
SOMEDAY I'LL KILL U!!
*************
ARZ KIYA HAI....
WOH MUDD KE HAME DEKH RAHE
THE AUR HUM UNHE....
WOH MUDD K HAME DEKH RAHE THE
AUR HUM UNHE....
KYUKI EXAM ME NA
UNHE KUCH ATA THA NA HUME
HAME SIRF APHI KA KHAYAL ATA HAI,
KYUKI JAB SARA JAHAN SO JATA HAI,
TAB SIRF ULLU HI MANDRATA HAI!!!
*************
EK CHINTI AUR HAATHI KO PYAR HO JATA HAI,
CHINTI K MAA BAAP
SHAADI SE INKAAR KAR DETE HAI..
REASON PUCHHA TO KAHA..
......LADKE KE DAANT BAHAR HAI!!!
*************
AAP KI KASHISH,
SARFAROSH HAI...
AAP KA NASHA....
YU MADHOSH HAI...
KYA KAHE TUMSE JAANE JAAN..
'TU KARGOSH HAI'
*************
LIFE WAS LONELY
AND A BIG MESS..
I NEEDED A FRIEND TO OVERCOME
THE STRESS...THEN GUESS WHAT???
U CAME INTO MY LIFE...
AND I THOUGHT...
GOD REALLY CAN'T SEE ME HAPPY!
***************
WHEN I OPEN MY EYES IN THE
MORNING....I PRAY TO GOD
THAT EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE
A FRIEND LIKE YOU...
..
..
..
Y SHOULD ONLY I SUFFER???!!
*************
FRIENDS ARE LIKE FISHES
U AHVE TO SIT PATIENTLY
FOR A LONG TIME TO
CATCH A NICE ONE....
JUST AS I CAUGHT YOU..
BETTER STAY NICE....
OR I'LL FRY U !!!
*************
LOVE BEFORE MARRIAGE:
ROSES ARE RED
VIOLETS R BLUE..
U R BEAUTIFUL,
I LOVE U!
LOVE AFTER MARRIAGE:
ROSES R DEAD
IM BLUE...
U GET ON MY NERVES
SOMEDAY I'LL KILL U!!
*************
ARZ KIYA HAI....
WOH MUDD KE HAME DEKH RAHE
THE AUR HUM UNHE....
WOH MUDD K HAME DEKH RAHE THE
AUR HUM UNHE....
KYUKI EXAM ME NA
UNHE KUCH ATA THA NA HUME
rj031086
Rohan Jain
Title : SANTA IN TAMILNADU EXPRESS
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.
Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.
When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.
Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.
Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."
rj031086
Rohan Jain
1.
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that - "in our family we marry only with our relatives: my grandfather married my grandmother, my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my sister married my jijajee, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me."
2.
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
3.
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
4.
A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sarder says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
5.
One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there, they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.
They had to go to delhi the next day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked "tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".
The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form, the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"?
Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate " the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied "Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"
6.
One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma-bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.
One fine day a girl proposed to a sardar and the sardar denied simply saying that - "in our family we marry only with our relatives: my grandfather married my grandmother, my mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi, my sister married my jijajee, my uncle married my aunt and so on. so please excuse me."
2.
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride.
On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
3.
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.
4.
A Sarder goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sarder then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sarder says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sarder boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sarder replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."
5.
One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there, they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.
They had to go to delhi the next day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked "tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".
The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form, the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"?
Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate " the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied "Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"
6.
One sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma-bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price .
Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two.
rj031086
Rohan Jain
Once in a kindergarden, a teacher asks all students to write an essay
on
the topic " A Poor Family".One student gets the lowest marks for
writing
that essay . The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire
class and her essay goes on as.......
she writes:
Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono
gareeb
they, do bachey thhe, woh bhi bahut gareeb thhe!!
ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb thhe,
ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb thhe, ghar ke 4
kuttey bhi gareeb thhe, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha,
3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi,
ghar
ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha ghar mein 1 saal sey paint nahi
hua
tha family ko holiday ke liye foreign country gaye bhi 6 mahiney
ho
gaye thhe,ghar ke 5 mein se 2 TV toh chalte hee nahi thhe, all
in
all, bahut he gareeb family thi!!
on
the topic " A Poor Family".One student gets the lowest marks for
writing
that essay . The student happens to be the richest girl in the entire
class and her essay goes on as.......
she writes:
Ek baar ek bahut hee gareeb family thi, husband aur wife dono
gareeb
they, do bachey thhe, woh bhi bahut gareeb thhe!!
ghar ke saare naukar bhi gareeb thhe,
ghar ka maali, driver, aur guard bhi bahut gareeb thhe, ghar ke 4
kuttey bhi gareeb thhe, 2 din sey chicken nahi khaaya tha,
3 mercedeez car thi, unki bahut time se servicing nahi hui thi,
ghar
ka A.C bhi theek nahi chalta tha ghar mein 1 saal sey paint nahi
hua
tha family ko holiday ke liye foreign country gaye bhi 6 mahiney
ho
gaye thhe,ghar ke 5 mein se 2 TV toh chalte hee nahi thhe, all
in
all, bahut he gareeb family thi!!