Husband : Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Wife : Because I married the wrong man!
A guy went to a party without his wife. He heard another guy say to his wife, "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He thought this sort of speech is a good idea. The next morning when he and his wife are eating breakfast, he said to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig."
Police Officer : When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.
Man : You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.
Patient : Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!
Doctor : So, since when did you have this problem?
Patient : What problem?
Daughter : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad : I think so. What is it you want me to write?
Daughter : Your name on this report card.
Customer : Waiter, this lobster's only got one claw.
Waiter : I expect he's been in a fight, sir.
Customer : Well, then, please bring me the winner!
Newly-wed : Do you want dinner?
Spouse : Sure, what are my choices?
Newly-wed : Yes and no.
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute."
"Thank you," the man said and hung up.
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Mr. Drone." "Drone! But he is your enemy!" "Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified ads; "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."
Wife : Because I married the wrong man!
A guy went to a party without his wife. He heard another guy say to his wife, "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He thought this sort of speech is a good idea. The next morning when he and his wife are eating breakfast, he said to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig."
Police Officer : When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.
Man : You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old.
Patient : Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can't remember anything!
Doctor : So, since when did you have this problem?
Patient : What problem?
Daughter : Dad, can you write in the dark?
Dad : I think so. What is it you want me to write?
Daughter : Your name on this report card.
Customer : Waiter, this lobster's only got one claw.
Waiter : I expect he's been in a fight, sir.
Customer : Well, then, please bring me the winner!
Newly-wed : Do you want dinner?
Spouse : Sure, what are my choices?
Newly-wed : Yes and no.
A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute."
"Thank you," the man said and hung up.
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Mr. Drone." "Drone! But he is your enemy!" "Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified ads; "Wife wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."