Have you ever noticed that there is a surge of energy anytime you try anything for the first time? Sometimes it's pure excitement, anticipation of the good feeling you know you're going to have after you've done it. Sometimes it's nervousness, usually because you don't know exactly how you're going to feel once it's done, but the potential good feeling seems more likely than the potential bad feeling. And sometimes it's good old-fashioned fear, anticipation that the outcome of what we want to do will
hurt us in some way, either physically or emotionally.
Excitement and nervousness could be considered beneficial (or at the least, neutral), in that they don't stop us from doing what we want to do. Fear, on the other hand, can be positive or negative. It's positive when it stops us from doing something stupid that could potentially harm us.
'Negative' fear, however, usually just stops us from doing what we want to do, what makes sense for us to do, what takes us closer to our goals. In this case, we're usually afraid of not getting what we want and/or of looking silly/stupid/inadequate while we're doing it. The longer we give in to this fear, the stronger it becomes, the harder it is to do the new thing, and the further away from our goals we get.
The only thing gained by allowing the fear to stop us is to GUARANTEE that we won't get what we want! This is probably pretty obvious to you, but I needed it pointed out to me, so maybe it helps to state it here!
When the fear is really strong, we sometimes look for deep, unconscious motivation for the fear. This trap is particularly deadly because we all have experienced times when our fear WAS rooted deep in our subconscious from events early in our lives. Very often, that type of fear does need some awareness or healing before you can move past it. The trap is that every time you feel a fear that you can't put aside easily, you decide it's deep and you need to do some specific work around the fear. This shifts our focus from the action we want to take to the fear itself. We start thinking about the fear, what's causing it, and how we can get over it. The bottom line is that we end up by giving ourselves permission NOT TO ACT!
If it's truly not the right time for something to happen then, in my experience, it usually doesn't. But we shouldn't under-estimate the power of not wanting to look silly or inadequate, and the fear that might happen often makes us delay taking action long past the right time. How often have you finally done something you'd been putting off and then asked yourself, 'Why in the world did I wait so long to do this?' If you can think of a lot of examples, then you've got a classic case of 'Fear of Firsts'!
Gaining awareness that your fear is related to the unfamiliarity of the situation may go a long way in allowing you to face it squarely and do the thing you're putting off.
hurt us in some way, either physically or emotionally.
Excitement and nervousness could be considered beneficial (or at the least, neutral), in that they don't stop us from doing what we want to do. Fear, on the other hand, can be positive or negative. It's positive when it stops us from doing something stupid that could potentially harm us.
'Negative' fear, however, usually just stops us from doing what we want to do, what makes sense for us to do, what takes us closer to our goals. In this case, we're usually afraid of not getting what we want and/or of looking silly/stupid/inadequate while we're doing it. The longer we give in to this fear, the stronger it becomes, the harder it is to do the new thing, and the further away from our goals we get.
The only thing gained by allowing the fear to stop us is to GUARANTEE that we won't get what we want! This is probably pretty obvious to you, but I needed it pointed out to me, so maybe it helps to state it here!
When the fear is really strong, we sometimes look for deep, unconscious motivation for the fear. This trap is particularly deadly because we all have experienced times when our fear WAS rooted deep in our subconscious from events early in our lives. Very often, that type of fear does need some awareness or healing before you can move past it. The trap is that every time you feel a fear that you can't put aside easily, you decide it's deep and you need to do some specific work around the fear. This shifts our focus from the action we want to take to the fear itself. We start thinking about the fear, what's causing it, and how we can get over it. The bottom line is that we end up by giving ourselves permission NOT TO ACT!
If it's truly not the right time for something to happen then, in my experience, it usually doesn't. But we shouldn't under-estimate the power of not wanting to look silly or inadequate, and the fear that might happen often makes us delay taking action long past the right time. How often have you finally done something you'd been putting off and then asked yourself, 'Why in the world did I wait so long to do this?' If you can think of a lot of examples, then you've got a classic case of 'Fear of Firsts'!
Gaining awareness that your fear is related to the unfamiliarity of the situation may go a long way in allowing you to face it squarely and do the thing you're putting off.