Beating the "What-if" Blues – By Deanne Repich **
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Do you find that a lot of your negative thoughts begin with the words
"What-if?" Does one anxious thought lead to another and another - only to
become a negative spiral of worry? When this happens, you're probably
using what-if thinking.
WHAT IS "WHAT-IF" THINKING?
What-if thinking occurs when you make negative predictions about the
future, usually starting with the words "What if?" Most of us can relate
to Juan's story of what-if thinking. Juan is running a few minutes late to
work. The first thought that pops into his head is: "What if I'm late for
my nine o' clock meeting?"
But his thoughts don't stop there.
His negative thoughts start snowballing. "What if I walk in late and
everyone looks at me? What if I get nervous, start sweating, and feel
embarrassed? What if my boss notices I can't handle it and I lose my job?
What if I can't afford to feed my family?"
His body responds with a host of symptoms - his heart races, it's tough to
breathe, and there's a knot in his stomach the size of Texas.
As you can see, when you use what-if thinking, one negative prediction
usually leads to another, and another, and another. This negative chain
has a snowball effect that leads to intense feelings of anxiety, loss of
control, and physical symptoms.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Studies show that you have the power to change your thoughts. When you
change your thoughts, you create biochemical changes in your brain that
affect how your body and mind feel and react. In other words, change your
thoughts and you change your reality!
How do you change your what-if thoughts? You do this by using the three
"R"s - Recognize, Replace, and Reinforce.
1) RECOGNIZE. Keep a small notepad with you. Each time you notice yourself
thinking a what-if thought, write it down. Writing things down helps you
to slow down and expose habitual negative thoughts to the light of day. If
you don't take the time to write down your what-if thoughts, it's easy to
miss them because you are so used to them.
The Onion Technique.
The following technique can help you peel off layer after layer of
negative thoughts and reach the core negative belief. I call it the Onion
Technique because it's like peeling off layer after layer of an onion
until you reach the core. Here's how it works. When you are in a fairly
relaxed mood, take out your notepad and open it up to the first what-if
thought. Read the thought and then ask yourself: "And what if that did
happen? Then what would happen?" Write down your answer. Repeat this
process of digging deeper several times, each time asking "And what if
that did happen? Then what would happen?" and writing down your answer.
After several layers you will reach your core belief - the belief that is
at the root of your fears. In Juan's case he might reach this core belief:
"If I can't feed my family, my wife and kids will be disappointed in me.
They'll leave me and I'll be all alone." His real fear - what is driving
his what-if thoughts - is his fear of being rejected, unloved, and all
alone if he disappoints the people he loves. That's the belief that Juan
needs to replace in order to beat the what-if blues. His worry about
arriving a few minutes late to the meeting will fade once he addresses
this core issue.
2) REPLACE. Once you've pinpointed the core negative belief, decide what
your new belief will be. Adjust the old belief so that it promotes your
well being and reflects the reality you want to create. When creating your
new belief, make sure to:
-- use the present tense
-- use "I statements"
-- focus on what you want (not what you don't want)
In Jua n's case, here are several new beliefs he may want to use to replace
the unhealthy belief:
-- "I am worthy of love, even when I disappoint others."
-- "I am loved for who I am, not how much I earn. I love my family and we
will get through life's challenges together."
-- "Since I am human, I will disappoint the people I love occasionally. I
can be imperfect and still receive love."
When you notice yourself using a what-if thought, stop it in its tracks.
It may help to visualize the word "No" or "Stop" in big red letters in
your mind. This action interrupts the thought. Then immediately change
your focus by replacing the what-if thought with the new, healthier
thought you created.
3) REINFORCE. Once you have chosen your new belief, reinforce it several
times a day. Say the new belief with feeling. Believe that it is true,
even if only for a moment. Think it. Say it aloud. Write it down. You can
even record yourself saying the belief for several minutes and then play
it back every night just as you're drifting off to sleep. Just like any
other habit, the more you practice, the sooner it will become second
nature to you.
Making the new belief a part of your life takes time and consistent
practice, but the results are worth it. You chase away the what-if blues
and the physical symptoms that go along with it. And even better, you
change the way you look at life!
About the Author:
Deanne Repich is the Director of the National Institute of Anxiety and
Stress, a former anxiety sufferer, and creator of the Conquer Your Anxiety
Success Program. The course is a "take-action" self-study program that
guides you step by step through over seventy practical strategies for
overcoming anxiety.
----------------------------------------------------
Do you find that a lot of your negative thoughts begin with the words
"What-if?" Does one anxious thought lead to another and another - only to
become a negative spiral of worry? When this happens, you're probably
using what-if thinking.
WHAT IS "WHAT-IF" THINKING?
What-if thinking occurs when you make negative predictions about the
future, usually starting with the words "What if?" Most of us can relate
to Juan's story of what-if thinking. Juan is running a few minutes late to
work. The first thought that pops into his head is: "What if I'm late for
my nine o' clock meeting?"
But his thoughts don't stop there.
His negative thoughts start snowballing. "What if I walk in late and
everyone looks at me? What if I get nervous, start sweating, and feel
embarrassed? What if my boss notices I can't handle it and I lose my job?
What if I can't afford to feed my family?"
His body responds with a host of symptoms - his heart races, it's tough to
breathe, and there's a knot in his stomach the size of Texas.
As you can see, when you use what-if thinking, one negative prediction
usually leads to another, and another, and another. This negative chain
has a snowball effect that leads to intense feelings of anxiety, loss of
control, and physical symptoms.
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Studies show that you have the power to change your thoughts. When you
change your thoughts, you create biochemical changes in your brain that
affect how your body and mind feel and react. In other words, change your
thoughts and you change your reality!
How do you change your what-if thoughts? You do this by using the three
"R"s - Recognize, Replace, and Reinforce.
1) RECOGNIZE. Keep a small notepad with you. Each time you notice yourself
thinking a what-if thought, write it down. Writing things down helps you
to slow down and expose habitual negative thoughts to the light of day. If
you don't take the time to write down your what-if thoughts, it's easy to
miss them because you are so used to them.
The Onion Technique.
The following technique can help you peel off layer after layer of
negative thoughts and reach the core negative belief. I call it the Onion
Technique because it's like peeling off layer after layer of an onion
until you reach the core. Here's how it works. When you are in a fairly
relaxed mood, take out your notepad and open it up to the first what-if
thought. Read the thought and then ask yourself: "And what if that did
happen? Then what would happen?" Write down your answer. Repeat this
process of digging deeper several times, each time asking "And what if
that did happen? Then what would happen?" and writing down your answer.
After several layers you will reach your core belief - the belief that is
at the root of your fears. In Juan's case he might reach this core belief:
"If I can't feed my family, my wife and kids will be disappointed in me.
They'll leave me and I'll be all alone." His real fear - what is driving
his what-if thoughts - is his fear of being rejected, unloved, and all
alone if he disappoints the people he loves. That's the belief that Juan
needs to replace in order to beat the what-if blues. His worry about
arriving a few minutes late to the meeting will fade once he addresses
this core issue.
2) REPLACE. Once you've pinpointed the core negative belief, decide what
your new belief will be. Adjust the old belief so that it promotes your
well being and reflects the reality you want to create. When creating your
new belief, make sure to:
-- use the present tense
-- use "I statements"
-- focus on what you want (not what you don't want)
In Jua n's case, here are several new beliefs he may want to use to replace
the unhealthy belief:
-- "I am worthy of love, even when I disappoint others."
-- "I am loved for who I am, not how much I earn. I love my family and we
will get through life's challenges together."
-- "Since I am human, I will disappoint the people I love occasionally. I
can be imperfect and still receive love."
When you notice yourself using a what-if thought, stop it in its tracks.
It may help to visualize the word "No" or "Stop" in big red letters in
your mind. This action interrupts the thought. Then immediately change
your focus by replacing the what-if thought with the new, healthier
thought you created.
3) REINFORCE. Once you have chosen your new belief, reinforce it several
times a day. Say the new belief with feeling. Believe that it is true,
even if only for a moment. Think it. Say it aloud. Write it down. You can
even record yourself saying the belief for several minutes and then play
it back every night just as you're drifting off to sleep. Just like any
other habit, the more you practice, the sooner it will become second
nature to you.
Making the new belief a part of your life takes time and consistent
practice, but the results are worth it. You chase away the what-if blues
and the physical symptoms that go along with it. And even better, you
change the way you look at life!
About the Author:
Deanne Repich is the Director of the National Institute of Anxiety and
Stress, a former anxiety sufferer, and creator of the Conquer Your Anxiety
Success Program. The course is a "take-action" self-study program that
guides you step by step through over seventy practical strategies for
overcoming anxiety.