Rapport building is the single most important aspect of our communication . In fact,all communication efforts can get futile if we do not have a rapport with our team members.
Here is a nice article on "Basic Techniques for Building Rapport" from the web pages of dummies.com . I hope all of you will like it.
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Having rapport as the foundation for any relationship means that when there are tough issues to discuss, you can more easily find solutions and move on. Fortunately, you can learn how to build rapport. Rapport happens at many levels. You can build rapport all the time through:
For starters, try some immediate ways to begin building rapport:
Classic research looked at how live communication was received and responded to. His figures suggested that your impact depends on three factors — how you look, how you sound, and what you say. His research broke it down as illustrated in the communication wheel here: 55 per cent body language, 38 per cent quality of the voice and 7 per cent actual words spoken.
Clearly, first impressions count. Do you arrive for meetings and appointments hot and harassed or cool and collected? When you begin to talk, do you mumble your words in a low whisper to the floor or gaze directly and confidently at your audience before speaking out loud and clear?
In terms of building rapport — you are the message. And you need all parts of you working in harmony: words, pictures, and sounds. If you don't look confident — as if you believe in your message — people will not listen to what you are saying.
Rapport involves being able to see eye-to-eye with other people, connecting on their wavelength. So much (93 per cent) of the perception of your sincerity comes not from what you say but how you say it and how you show an appreciation for the other person's thoughts and feelings.
When you are in rapport with someone, you can disagree with what they say and still relate respectfully with him or her. The important point to remember is to acknowledge other people for the unique individuals that they are. For example, you may well have different political or religious views to your colleagues or clients, but there's no need to fall out about it. It's also likely that there are several choices about what's favourite to eat for supper and you can agree to differ with your family on that one, too.
Hold on to the fact that you simply wish to differ with their opinion and this is no reflection on the person. A person is more than what they say, do, or believe.
Matching and mirroring
When you are out and about in bars and restaurants, have you noticed how two people look when there's rapport between them? Without hearing the details of the conversation you can see it's like a dance. People naturally move in step with each other. There's a sense of unison in their body language and the way they talk — elegantly dovetailing their movements and speech. NLP calls this matching and mirroring.
By contrast, think of a time when you've been the unwilling witness to an embarrassingly public argument between a couple, or a parent and child in the street or supermarket. Even with the volume turned off, you soon feel what it's like when people are totally out of synchronisation with each other just from their body posture and gestures. NLP calls this mismatching.
Matching and mirroring are ways of becoming highly tuned in to how someone else is thinking and experiencing the world. It's a way of listening with your whole body. Simple mirroring happens naturally when you have rapport.
What NLP suggests is that you can also deliberately match and mirror someone to build rapport until it becomes natural. To do this, you will need to match:
Beware the fine line between mimicry and moving in rhythm with someone. People instinctively know if you are making fun of them or being insincere. If you decide you'd like to check out mirroring for yourself, do it gradually in no-risk situations or with somone you'll never see again. Don't be surprised though if it works and the strangers want to become your friends!
Pacing to lead
Building great relationships requires that you pace other people. NLP compares pacing people to running alongside a train. If you tried to jump straight on to a moving train, it's likely you'd fall off. In order to jump on a moving train you would have to gather speed by racing alongside it until you were moving at the same speed before you could jump on.
In order to lead somebody, to influence them with your point of view, remember to pace them first. This means really listening to them, fully acknowledging them, truly understanding where they have come from — and being patient about it.
Additional important advice from NLP to build rapport is to: Pace … pace … and pace again before you … lead. Pacing is how NLP describes the your flexibility to respectfully pick up and match other people's behaviours and vocabulary, where you are actively listening to the other person. Leading is when you are attempting to get the other person to change by subtly taking them in a new direction.
In business, companies that succeed in introducing major change programmes do so in measured steps. This allows changes to gradually become accepted by employees. People are unwilling to be led to new ways of working until they have first been paced — listened to and acknowledged. The most effective leaders are those who pace their people's reality first.
Watch effective salespeople in action and you'll see how they master the art of pacing the customer and demonstrate genuine interest. They listen, listen, and listen some more about what the customer's needs are, what they really want, before trying to sell them anything. People resent being sold to, but they love to be listened to and to talk about what's important to them.
Building rapport in virtual communication
Virtual teams who hold virtual meetings have entered the workplace. We have also the phenomenon of virtual management, of multi-cultural project teams that sit across global networks and work remotely thanks to the technology — conference calls, email and video-conferencing.
In this environment of reduced face-to-face contact, you lose the nuances of facial expressions, the body language and subtlety of getting to know the colleague at the next desk as you work closely with others. At its best, the virtual team spells freedom and flexibility of working practices, diversity, and a richness of skills. At its worst, it's lonely, isolated, and ineffective.
For all, the challenge of virtual working to build rapport is greater than before. Little wonder that people are being recruited more for soft skills — the ability to influence and negotiate — than for technical competence. Following are ways to develop rapport over the phone and teleconferences.
Here is a nice article on "Basic Techniques for Building Rapport" from the web pages of dummies.com . I hope all of you will like it.
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Having rapport as the foundation for any relationship means that when there are tough issues to discuss, you can more easily find solutions and move on. Fortunately, you can learn how to build rapport. Rapport happens at many levels. You can build rapport all the time through:
- The places and people you spend time with
- The way you look, sound, and behave
- The skills you have learned
- The values that you live by
- Your beliefs
- Your purpose in life
- Being yourself
For starters, try some immediate ways to begin building rapport:
- Take a genuine interest in getting to know what's important to the other person. Start to understand them rather than expecting them to understand you first.
- Pick up on the key words, favourite phrases and way of speaking that someone uses and build these subtly into your own conversation.
- Notice how someone likes to handle information. Do they like lots of details or just the big picture? As you speak, feed back information in this same portion size.
- Breathe in unison with them.
- Look out for the other person's intention — their underlying aim — rather than what they do or say. They may not always get it right, but expect their heart to lie in the right place.
- Adopt a similar stance to them in terms of your body language, gestures, voice tone and speed.
- Respect the other person's time, energy, favourite people and money. They will be important resources for them.
Classic research looked at how live communication was received and responded to. His figures suggested that your impact depends on three factors — how you look, how you sound, and what you say. His research broke it down as illustrated in the communication wheel here: 55 per cent body language, 38 per cent quality of the voice and 7 per cent actual words spoken.
Clearly, first impressions count. Do you arrive for meetings and appointments hot and harassed or cool and collected? When you begin to talk, do you mumble your words in a low whisper to the floor or gaze directly and confidently at your audience before speaking out loud and clear?
In terms of building rapport — you are the message. And you need all parts of you working in harmony: words, pictures, and sounds. If you don't look confident — as if you believe in your message — people will not listen to what you are saying.
Rapport involves being able to see eye-to-eye with other people, connecting on their wavelength. So much (93 per cent) of the perception of your sincerity comes not from what you say but how you say it and how you show an appreciation for the other person's thoughts and feelings.
Hold on to the fact that you simply wish to differ with their opinion and this is no reflection on the person. A person is more than what they say, do, or believe.
Matching and mirroring
When you are out and about in bars and restaurants, have you noticed how two people look when there's rapport between them? Without hearing the details of the conversation you can see it's like a dance. People naturally move in step with each other. There's a sense of unison in their body language and the way they talk — elegantly dovetailing their movements and speech. NLP calls this matching and mirroring.
By contrast, think of a time when you've been the unwilling witness to an embarrassingly public argument between a couple, or a parent and child in the street or supermarket. Even with the volume turned off, you soon feel what it's like when people are totally out of synchronisation with each other just from their body posture and gestures. NLP calls this mismatching.
Matching and mirroring are ways of becoming highly tuned in to how someone else is thinking and experiencing the world. It's a way of listening with your whole body. Simple mirroring happens naturally when you have rapport.
What NLP suggests is that you can also deliberately match and mirror someone to build rapport until it becomes natural. To do this, you will need to match:
- Voice tonality (how you sound) or speed
- Breathing rates
- Rhythm of movement and energy levels
- Body postures and gesturesv
Pacing to lead
Building great relationships requires that you pace other people. NLP compares pacing people to running alongside a train. If you tried to jump straight on to a moving train, it's likely you'd fall off. In order to jump on a moving train you would have to gather speed by racing alongside it until you were moving at the same speed before you could jump on.
In order to lead somebody, to influence them with your point of view, remember to pace them first. This means really listening to them, fully acknowledging them, truly understanding where they have come from — and being patient about it.
In business, companies that succeed in introducing major change programmes do so in measured steps. This allows changes to gradually become accepted by employees. People are unwilling to be led to new ways of working until they have first been paced — listened to and acknowledged. The most effective leaders are those who pace their people's reality first.
Watch effective salespeople in action and you'll see how they master the art of pacing the customer and demonstrate genuine interest. They listen, listen, and listen some more about what the customer's needs are, what they really want, before trying to sell them anything. People resent being sold to, but they love to be listened to and to talk about what's important to them.
Building rapport in virtual communication
Virtual teams who hold virtual meetings have entered the workplace. We have also the phenomenon of virtual management, of multi-cultural project teams that sit across global networks and work remotely thanks to the technology — conference calls, email and video-conferencing.
In this environment of reduced face-to-face contact, you lose the nuances of facial expressions, the body language and subtlety of getting to know the colleague at the next desk as you work closely with others. At its best, the virtual team spells freedom and flexibility of working practices, diversity, and a richness of skills. At its worst, it's lonely, isolated, and ineffective.
For all, the challenge of virtual working to build rapport is greater than before. Little wonder that people are being recruited more for soft skills — the ability to influence and negotiate — than for technical competence. Following are ways to develop rapport over the phone and teleconferences.
- Make sure that all the locations are connected and can hear each other on the phone. Introduce and welcome people with a roll call.
- Work to a clear agenda. Set outcomes for the call and agree these with all participants.
- Check you've had input from a mix of people. If necessary, encourage the quieter individuals to take part. Say, for example: 'Mike, what are your thoughts on this?'
- Discourage small talk or separate chats at different sites. One discussion, one meeting, one agenda.
- Speak more slowly and precisely than in face-to-face meetings. Remember you can't get clues from the body language.
- Listen for the style of language and match your language style to theirs.
- Get attention before making your point (otherwise the first part of the message gets lost). Begin with phrases like: 'I have something I'd like to mention here…it's about…'
- Use people's names more than in face-to-face meetings. Address questions to people by name and thank them for their contribution by name.
- As you listen to the conversation, visualise the person at the other end of the phone line (you may even like to have a photo of them in front of you).
- Continually summarise and check understanding of points and decisions.
