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What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already!

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? . . .

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!. . .

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.. . . .

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead....

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye beat the crap outta him.

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing?

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!