manishsinghon
Manish Singh
People doing accents that aren’t their own
Opera singers
Dumping out the contents of a bag into the bin to represent having a big poo
“XYZ just got better” and ALL VARIANTS THEREOF
Blue liquid to represent blood or wee
Men being endearingly hopeless at household tasks or caring for children
Pretend testimonials from actors (take note, toothpaste ads)
Children whispering
Bullshit stats like “72% of 8 women who tested this product agreed”
Mascara ads filmed with fake eyelashes
“Up to X% more effective.” “Up to” includes 0% dammit!
Brand ambassadors
Meerkats
Made up words. L’oreal’s “MILLIONIZER” and Three’s “INTERNETTING” are particularly irksome
Choirs and, in fact, all types of singing
Slow-mo sneezing (“that’s just nasty”)
Pseudoscientific names (one example was “hydrofidrpolylypicides”, haha)
“Designed for humans” – well, OBVIOUSLY
Horror movie trailers when you’re home alone and scared
Filming starving African children with a £5000 camera, then trying to make us feel bad for them
Impressive but obvious word-weaselry: “here at Shell, we design fuel that works on a molecular level” …Duh
“Like us on Facebook” as a call to action
Bowels, the word “poo”, talk of bloody poo or bloody stools
People staring in wonderment at absurdly ugly cars
Orgasm-faces while eating
Classic songs rewritten about the brand
Any and all songs we actually like (Blur’s “The Universal” will never be the same again)
Jean Claude van Damme’s mullet
Fake job titles – as in “Hi, I’m Rick, a gum maintenance specialist”
Children as adults
Airbrushing
Terrible erection metaphors – like deflating balloons to represent being terminally bonerless
Cats being smarter than dogs, in turn being smarter than men
Ads written to win awards, not sell products
Hashtags. I don’t entirely agree with this one, but I will say misused hashtags
Adverts for adverts! What is this?! I’ve seen an ad for a Paranormal Activity ad three times this week!
Talking animals
The idea that you ‘deserve’ or ‘are worth’ a product
Sean Bean’s voice
Matt Berry’s voice (who is Matt Berry, you ask? Just imagine a BIG, EPIC BRITISH VOICE, VERY MANLY, PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT MOUSTACHES. There you go.)
Carol Vorderman
QR codes
Unrealistically attractive call centre fem-bots
Plinky-plonky music (sorry @paulruk, but I don’t agree that it’s OK for Google and Apple!)
Gross ads at teatime
The word “bloating”
The word “lovely”
Irritating sound effects on radio ads. Especially bloody alarm clocks and bike bells
Opera singers
Dumping out the contents of a bag into the bin to represent having a big poo
“XYZ just got better” and ALL VARIANTS THEREOF
Blue liquid to represent blood or wee
Men being endearingly hopeless at household tasks or caring for children
Pretend testimonials from actors (take note, toothpaste ads)
Children whispering
Bullshit stats like “72% of 8 women who tested this product agreed”
Mascara ads filmed with fake eyelashes
“Up to X% more effective.” “Up to” includes 0% dammit!
Brand ambassadors
Meerkats
Made up words. L’oreal’s “MILLIONIZER” and Three’s “INTERNETTING” are particularly irksome
Choirs and, in fact, all types of singing
Slow-mo sneezing (“that’s just nasty”)
Pseudoscientific names (one example was “hydrofidrpolylypicides”, haha)
“Designed for humans” – well, OBVIOUSLY
Horror movie trailers when you’re home alone and scared
Filming starving African children with a £5000 camera, then trying to make us feel bad for them
Impressive but obvious word-weaselry: “here at Shell, we design fuel that works on a molecular level” …Duh
“Like us on Facebook” as a call to action
Bowels, the word “poo”, talk of bloody poo or bloody stools
People staring in wonderment at absurdly ugly cars
Orgasm-faces while eating
Classic songs rewritten about the brand
Any and all songs we actually like (Blur’s “The Universal” will never be the same again)
Jean Claude van Damme’s mullet
Fake job titles – as in “Hi, I’m Rick, a gum maintenance specialist”
Children as adults
Airbrushing
Terrible erection metaphors – like deflating balloons to represent being terminally bonerless
Cats being smarter than dogs, in turn being smarter than men
Ads written to win awards, not sell products
Hashtags. I don’t entirely agree with this one, but I will say misused hashtags
Adverts for adverts! What is this?! I’ve seen an ad for a Paranormal Activity ad three times this week!
Talking animals
The idea that you ‘deserve’ or ‘are worth’ a product
Sean Bean’s voice
Matt Berry’s voice (who is Matt Berry, you ask? Just imagine a BIG, EPIC BRITISH VOICE, VERY MANLY, PROBABLY TALKING ABOUT MOUSTACHES. There you go.)
Carol Vorderman
QR codes
Unrealistically attractive call centre fem-bots
Plinky-plonky music (sorry @paulruk, but I don’t agree that it’s OK for Google and Apple!)
Gross ads at teatime
The word “bloating”
The word “lovely”
Irritating sound effects on radio ads. Especially bloody alarm clocks and bike bells