Ignoring problems in your relationship won’t let them go away. Here is how to sort them out before it’s too late
Couples split for many reasons. It may be something as explosive as an affair but more often it's a build-up of small things that breaks love down. If you can spot when things start going wrong and take action, there's a chance to turn your relationship around.
PUBLIC PUT-DOWNS
Healthy couples support each other in public. Even if he thinks you're hopelessly drunk, or you're inwardly cringing at his jokes, you don't let others know. But when he is compelled to say, "OK, who thinks she's had enough?" or you groan, "Not that old chestnut again," you will only humiliate each other. And that's going to cause resentment.
TREAT IT
It's simple — bite your tongue. If he has embarrassed you, wait until you're home and then say, "I know I was drunk but I felt really embarrassed when you said that. Next time, could you wait till we're alone?"Be honest and have empathy for him, too. A boring joke isn't the end of the world but hurting each other in public could be.
FLIRTING WITH INTENT
A bit of extra-marital eyelash batting makes you feel attractive, youthful and alive. But when it tips over into serious intent, like kissing, phone calls and secrets — it's a genuine threat to your marriage. If you're looking for an affair, there's something wrong in your relationship.
TREAT IT
You need to be vigilant about your feelings. Enjoying attention is fine but when you find yourself thinking constantly about the other man, drifting into sexual fantasies and concocting excuses to see him, you're on dangerous ground.
THE NEVER-ENDING ROW
Rows can be both healthy and useful — as long as you manage to resolve the issue you're arguing about. But sometimes a disagreement is so deep-seated, you go round in eternal circles. Often, it's over life-changing decisions such as commitment, where to live, or whether to have children. If you can't or won't compromise, you end up avoiding the whole issue.
TREAT IT
The more you evade a major issue, the bigger it gets. And if neither of you is prepared to talk, the rift will deepen. Soon you'll both be assuming the worst and making decisions based on resentment. It's essential to revisit the issue - but this time, go in prepared to listen. That means not interrupting and expecting the same courtesy when it's your turn to speak. Take turns to hold an object. While you hold it, you talk and he listens carefully to what you're saying and vice versa. If you still can't reach a compromise, that's when counselling could save your marriage.
YOU STOP HAVING SEX
Sex naturally falls down the list of priorities in a long-term relationship but sometimes, it drops right off the bottom. When it's just temporary, it may be due to busy lives. But if the drought goes on, there's probably some underlying anger or anxiety attached to sex.
TREAT IT
You need to look closely at your reluctance to have sex. It could be that you're angry and withholding sex as a form of punishment. It may be that you don't fancy him any more or that you feel he's become selfish in bed and you don't see why you should bother. When you know what's at the root of your avoidance, you can confront it. Explain your feelings without accusations. Sex won't improve until your relationship does.
YOU LIE TO HIM
Trust is the bedrock of a good relationship. So when you find yourself lying to your partner, you know the rot has begun. While one little lie might seem harmless — "It was half price in the sale..." it's remarkably easy to get into the habit. And that's when trust is destroyed. Reading his emails, checking his texts, or rooting through his belongings are all equal betrayals of his trust.
TREAT IT
What's stopping you from telling the truth? Before you slip into a routine of regular lies, look carefully at what's behind them. Is it fear of being caught out, or simply a lack of compassion for your partner? When your love for him lessens, it's easier to tell lies. Or perhaps you suspect he's lying to you. Unless your suspicions and feelings are examined, your relationship will crumble. So come clean, not just about the lies but also about why you feel hurt and disappointed.
BITCHING BEHIND HIS BACK
Everyone moans to friends about their partner but when it stops being funny 'ooh, men' stories and becomes knife-twisting criticism of what and who he is, it's time to check yourself. It's awkward for your friends and it's deeply unfair to your partner, who isn't there to defend himself.
TREAT IT
You're bitching because your anger isn't being expressed to your partner. Either you're scared of opening a can of worms that may lead to rows or a split, or you're frightened that if you let rip, he'll return the favour and leave you in no doubt as to your own shortcomings. Instead of storing up your irritation, deal with it, calmly, as it arises. Telling him how you feel straight away means he gets the right to reply — and it also rescues your friends from a very boring evening.
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/net/mmp...9&contentid=2007092720070927020851250bd5c15af
FOR MORE ARTICLES ON RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE , PLEASE GO TO THE GENERAL SECTION>LOVE PROBLEMS
Couples split for many reasons. It may be something as explosive as an affair but more often it's a build-up of small things that breaks love down. If you can spot when things start going wrong and take action, there's a chance to turn your relationship around.
PUBLIC PUT-DOWNS
Healthy couples support each other in public. Even if he thinks you're hopelessly drunk, or you're inwardly cringing at his jokes, you don't let others know. But when he is compelled to say, "OK, who thinks she's had enough?" or you groan, "Not that old chestnut again," you will only humiliate each other. And that's going to cause resentment.
TREAT IT
It's simple — bite your tongue. If he has embarrassed you, wait until you're home and then say, "I know I was drunk but I felt really embarrassed when you said that. Next time, could you wait till we're alone?"Be honest and have empathy for him, too. A boring joke isn't the end of the world but hurting each other in public could be.
FLIRTING WITH INTENT
A bit of extra-marital eyelash batting makes you feel attractive, youthful and alive. But when it tips over into serious intent, like kissing, phone calls and secrets — it's a genuine threat to your marriage. If you're looking for an affair, there's something wrong in your relationship.
TREAT IT
You need to be vigilant about your feelings. Enjoying attention is fine but when you find yourself thinking constantly about the other man, drifting into sexual fantasies and concocting excuses to see him, you're on dangerous ground.
THE NEVER-ENDING ROW
Rows can be both healthy and useful — as long as you manage to resolve the issue you're arguing about. But sometimes a disagreement is so deep-seated, you go round in eternal circles. Often, it's over life-changing decisions such as commitment, where to live, or whether to have children. If you can't or won't compromise, you end up avoiding the whole issue.
TREAT IT
The more you evade a major issue, the bigger it gets. And if neither of you is prepared to talk, the rift will deepen. Soon you'll both be assuming the worst and making decisions based on resentment. It's essential to revisit the issue - but this time, go in prepared to listen. That means not interrupting and expecting the same courtesy when it's your turn to speak. Take turns to hold an object. While you hold it, you talk and he listens carefully to what you're saying and vice versa. If you still can't reach a compromise, that's when counselling could save your marriage.
YOU STOP HAVING SEX
Sex naturally falls down the list of priorities in a long-term relationship but sometimes, it drops right off the bottom. When it's just temporary, it may be due to busy lives. But if the drought goes on, there's probably some underlying anger or anxiety attached to sex.
TREAT IT
You need to look closely at your reluctance to have sex. It could be that you're angry and withholding sex as a form of punishment. It may be that you don't fancy him any more or that you feel he's become selfish in bed and you don't see why you should bother. When you know what's at the root of your avoidance, you can confront it. Explain your feelings without accusations. Sex won't improve until your relationship does.
YOU LIE TO HIM
Trust is the bedrock of a good relationship. So when you find yourself lying to your partner, you know the rot has begun. While one little lie might seem harmless — "It was half price in the sale..." it's remarkably easy to get into the habit. And that's when trust is destroyed. Reading his emails, checking his texts, or rooting through his belongings are all equal betrayals of his trust.
TREAT IT
What's stopping you from telling the truth? Before you slip into a routine of regular lies, look carefully at what's behind them. Is it fear of being caught out, or simply a lack of compassion for your partner? When your love for him lessens, it's easier to tell lies. Or perhaps you suspect he's lying to you. Unless your suspicions and feelings are examined, your relationship will crumble. So come clean, not just about the lies but also about why you feel hurt and disappointed.
Everyone moans to friends about their partner but when it stops being funny 'ooh, men' stories and becomes knife-twisting criticism of what and who he is, it's time to check yourself. It's awkward for your friends and it's deeply unfair to your partner, who isn't there to defend himself.
TREAT IT
You're bitching because your anger isn't being expressed to your partner. Either you're scared of opening a can of worms that may lead to rows or a split, or you're frightened that if you let rip, he'll return the favour and leave you in no doubt as to your own shortcomings. Instead of storing up your irritation, deal with it, calmly, as it arises. Telling him how you feel straight away means he gets the right to reply — and it also rescues your friends from a very boring evening.
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/net/mmp...9&contentid=2007092720070927020851250bd5c15af
FOR MORE ARTICLES ON RELATIONSHIPS AND LOVE , PLEASE GO TO THE GENERAL SECTION>LOVE PROBLEMS