Santa Singh !

S

saurabh1702

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
Santa:I tried calling you up so many times. I always got a message saying, “Switched off’.
Banta: Nahi Pape that’s my ‘Hello Tune’.

Ek baar ek train chalte-chalte achanak kheton mein ghus gayi... Sub upar niche ho gaya... sare log idhar dar gaye... Koi idhar gira koi udhar gira... Subko laga pata nahin ab kya hoga... magar thodi der mein train wapas patri par aa gayi aur thodi der mein ruk gayi. Logon ne socha driver se jaakar poochhte hain kya hua tha... Jaakar dekha to driver ek sardar tha... Jub usse poocha ki gaadi achanak kheton mein kaise ghus gayi to papaji bole, "O ji kuchh nahin, ik banda haath khade karke patri vich khada si... “logon ka dimag kharab ho gaya... Ek bola "Aur tune ek aad mi ko bachane ke liye itne saare logon ki jaan khatre mein daal di... Kuchal dena tha saale ko... "
Sardarji bole... "Main te wohi kar rea si... par wo banda khetan wich ghus gaya."


It was Santa's wedding anniversary.
Preeto: Shall we have butter chicken to celebrate?
Santa: Why punish the poor chicken for the mistake we have made!

Santa proposed a girl. The girl said,"I am one year elder to you". Santa replied: Never mind. I’ll marry you after one year.

Santa visited Mysore Palace. The tourist guide said,"Sir, please don’t sit there. That is Tipu Sultan’s chair".Santa: Don’t worry. I’ll get up when he comes.

Ek din ek ‘daku’ Santa ke ghar mein ghus gaya aur usse poocha,"Sona kahan hai?".
Santa: Poora ghar khali hai, jithe marzi so jao.
 
morre off Santa Singh !

Donkey ride

Mr. and Mrs. Banta Singh's two-year-old boy was bawling away loudly. Mrs. Singh asked her husband why their son was being so difficult. "he wants to take a ride on a donkey,"replied Banta.
"Then why don't you put him on your shoulders and go for a run?"

The Sardarji doctor to his patient

"It's very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain."

Double trouble

There were these two Sardarji twins who looked so incredibly alike, that sometimes they borrowed money from each other without the other really knowing about it.

Well-prepared

Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."

"Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".

The act of unlocking

A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
He went to the service department and found a mechanic, Mr Santa working feverishly to unlock the driver`s side door.
As the customer watched from the passenger`s side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
"Hey," he announced to the technician, "It`s open!"
"I know," answered Santa.- "I already got that side."
 
Proud of my son

Banta: “I’m so proud, my son is in medical school.”
Raj: “What’s he studying?”
Banta: “Oh! He is not studying. They are studying him!”

Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said CLEAN TOILETS 8 Kms. By the time he drove 8 Km, he had cleaned 14 toilets.

Banta was filling a form and the lady asked what his sex was.
Banta: “Twice a week.”
Lady: “Sir, I mean male or female.”
Banta: “That does not matter.”

Banta: “I got an anonymous letter.”
Santa: “From whom?”

Banta: My wife’s the most suspicious person around. If I am home early, she thinks I am after something and if late, she thinks I’ve already had it.”
 
Hightech sardar inventions


Four hightech sardar inventions:
-Waterproof towel
-Solar powered torch
-Book on how to read
-Pedal powered wheel chair.

Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "Yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyun
dekhta rehta hai?"
Sardar : "Yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."

Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?
To avoid side effects!

Sardar ke bagiche mein bahut ped the. Sardar ne naukar se bola pedon
ko pani dal.
Naukar bola "Sahib barish ho rahi hai"
Sardar : Buddhu chatri pakdke dal na".

Man: Sardarji where were u born?
Sardarji: Punjab.
Man: Which part?
Sardar: Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body was born in punjab".

Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
"Akal badhi ya bhais ?"
Sardar bola "Sir pehle date of birth to batao".

Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door?
Because it was an entrance exam.

Banta's son: Dad there is some one on the door to collect donations for a
swimming pool.
Banta: Give him a glass of water.

Santa: I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: Really? What is he studying?
Santa: He is not studying. They are studying him.
 
Don't call me Shirley

Doctor: “So you lose your temper every time someone calls you a name? Surely that can’t be true!”
Santa Singh: “DONT CALL ME SHIRLEY!”

From Santa Singh’s resume:
Marital status: Often
Children: Various

Girl proposes to Santa Singh. He rules he can’t marry her since in his family they only marry relatives. Dad wed mom,
uncle wed aunty...

What wil Banta do if he sees a ‘Don’t walk’ sign? He will run.

Manager: “Remember, nothing pleases me more than hard work!” So what did Santa Singh do? Nothing!
 
Santa Singh goes to an electronics shop to buy a TV.

Do you have color TVs?
Sure.
Give me a green one, please.

Sardarji calls Air India.

How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?
Just a sec, comes an answer.
Thank you says the Sardarji and hangs up!

The Race

A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing The bystander A Marathon race is going on.
Sardar : What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."
 
Higher studies

A blonde was sitting on a mountain peak and studying.
A passer by asked her, "What are you doing?"
Blonde: Higher studies.

I dialled a wrong number and asked, "Please can I speak to Joey?"
The other person said, "I don't think so. He is only two months old."
I said, "Never mind. I'll wait".
 
Isn't worth it

Why haven’t all monkeys turned into humans? Some of them thought it wasn’t worth it.

A moron had a plain paper. He wanted more, so he got it photocopied.

Twenty three guys were introduced to a girl. “Hi, I am Peter not a saint.” “I am Paul not a Pope.” “I am John not a Baptist.” The girl said, “Hi, I am Mary not a virgin.”

Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer? Now he’s a hardened criminal.

Drowning man: “Help, help! I can’t swim! Passerby: “I can’t play the piano, but I don’t shout about it!”
 
Hathi aur machhar

Ek baar ek hathi (male) aur ek machhar (female) mein
pyaar ho jata hai.
Dono ka affair bahut dino tak chalta hai.
Sab log bate karne lagte hain.
Akhir sharmakar, machhar hathi se bolti hain ki abhi
apun dono ko shaadi kar leni chahiye...duniya wale bahut
bate karne lage hain...mera jeena mushkil ho gaya hain.
Abhi dono ko bhagkar shaadi karni hai...isliye dono Marriage
Registrar ke yahan application dete hain aur ek mahine baad
registered marriage karte hain................
Abhi dono honeymoon ka plan karte hain...
Dono Kerala jate hai...
Honeymoon hone ke baad jab dusre din subah hathi ki aakh
khulti hain to dektha hain ki bechari machhar mar gayi hain...
Now the question is "Kyon?"

Answer: Because, hathi raat ko "Good Night" laga ke sota
hain.
 
Ek baar ek aadmi ek auto mein baithta hai aur
ghar le jaane ko bolta hai..
Autowala, yeh dekhkar ki aadmi sheher mein naya hai,
bahut ghumak phira ke le jaata hai aur bahut charge kar deta hai.
Ghar pahunchte pahunchte bahut der ho jaati hai aur
andhera ho jaata hai.
Aadmi pehle se hi bahut frustrated hai aur ghar jaake
dekhta hai ki bijli nahi hoti hai.
Par aadmi ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhayee deta hai. Kaise???

Answer: Kyonki autowala aadmi ko ULLOO bana deta hai
aur usko raat ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhta hai.
 
What is common?

Q: What is common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji and Jesus..?
A: All are born on Government holidays.

Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: ‘Sir, can I know your name please’
Gulshan : ‘I am Gulshan Grocer’
Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
Gulshan: No it is Grocer.
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...
Ans: Because at the speed of light V=C

Q: What would Dharmendra say to Hema Malini if he wants to tell her to call him up...?
A: Ring De Basanti
 
A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contageous deadly disease....
As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to the doctor... how??
Because the patient had a bluetooth!!

Three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly one of them started singing the song -- AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE.
Few mins later, all the three cockroaches died......any idea why?????
Because the song is HIT......


Person: Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, sir. The spider on your bread will kill it.
Person: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter: I think it's swimming.
Person: Waiter! This coffee tastes like soap!
Waiter: Ah, that must be tea, sir. The coffee tastes like glue.
 
A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden, which disliked Sardars.

The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.

The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said.” This duck isn’t from Ontario. This is Quebec duck. Do you have a Quebec hunting license boy?”

The Sardar reached out his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license.

The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This isn’t Quebec duck. This duck is from Manitoba; do you have a Manitoba license?”

The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced Manitoba license. The warden then reached over and picked the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said. “This isn’t Manitoba duck. This one is from Nova Scotia, do you have a Nova Scotia hunting license?”

Again the Sardar reached his wallet and produced Nova Scotia hunting license.

The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and yelled at the Sardar “Just where the hell are you from?”

The Sardar smiled, turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said.
“You tell me, you’re the expert”.
 
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