• Obscene phone caller: Hello baby, if u can guess what's in my hand I'll let u have it.
Preeto: Listen ji, if u can hold it in one hand I'm not interested.
• Banta Complaining: U r so unresponsive, do u use cold cream between ur legs?
Preeto Taunting: U must be using vanishing cream between urs.
• Santa after interview: Everything went fine till the time he asked me for my testimonials. I guess I showed him the wrong thing!
• Santa: What is the similarity between a Bank & a Bra ?
Banta: Dono ke ander Jitna MAAL Jyaada Utna Interest Jyaada.
• Santa was teaching Preeto swimming.
After 2 hrs Preeto said: Tell me, will I really drown like a leaking boat if u take out ur finger?
• Jeeto: Doc saab, mujhe thode din bachcha nahinn chahiye.
Doc: Take this condoms.
Jeeto: Ye paani ke saath loon ya doodh ke saath.
Doc: Kele ke saath.
• Gal's father: Beta kya karte ho?
Santa: Ji samaaj seva karta hoon. Gire huon ko uthata hoon, bichade huon ko milata hoon.
Father: Woh kaise?
Santa: Ji Bra banata hoon.
• Banta: Ek white colour ka condom dena.
Shopkeeper: White hi kyun?
Banta: Padosan ka husband guzar gaya hai, afsos karne jaana hai.
• Doctor advised Santa: Dabaa ke doodh piyo.
Santa: Doodh to khoob peeta hoon per wohh dabaney nahin deti.
• Banta: Why are condoms transparent?
Santa: So that the sperms can at least enjoy the scenery!
• Banta’s advice: Don’t carry umbrella during Rain....keep WHISPER on ur head kyunki yeh ghanton tak geelepan ka ehsas bhi na hone de
• Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia, Santa ne car roki to ladki boli: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai.
Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.
• Banta: Was ur wife a virgin when u married?
Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.
• Preeto comes nude in front of the guests while serving the halwa.
Banta shouts: What’s this?
Preeto: Recipe book me likha tha ‘Serve hot without dressing’
• Santa: What food u feed ur new born baby?
Beautiful Young Mom: Breast milk & orange juice.
Sardar: Oye, Which side is orange juice?
• Santa: Qutub minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Shyam Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar pe bhi raha karo.
• Santa ne apni sagaai tod di kyunki ladki virgin thi.
When asked why, Santa bola: Jo aaj tak kisi ki nahi hui woh meri kaise ho sakti hai.
• Dhobi police se: Banta ne meri biwi ki ijjat luti!!
Banta: Main press karwane gaya tha, dhobi ne kaha main khana kha raha hoon, istri garm hai mar lo!
• Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!
Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan.
• Santa: Bhai Saab ek condom dena. Meine girlfriend ko gift dena hai.
Dukandar: Is par cover chada du.
Santa, arre nai yeh to cover hai gift to mere pass hai.
• Doctor: I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is you're showing signs of being a homosexual.
Banta: With bad news like that, what could be the good news?
Doc: The good news is I think you're cute.
• Preeto: I have to be damned careful not to get pregnant"
Jeeto: I thought your husband had a vasectomy
Preeto replies: He did!
• Call Girl: Wanna have sex?
Santa: Haan, lekin tum meri biwi ki tarah karogi toh
Call Girl: Vo kaise?
Santa: Free mein
• Pappu: Papa jab aap Honeymoon pe gaye the tab mein kahan tha?
Santa: Putar, jaate waqt tu mere paas tha aur aatey waqt mammi ke paas.
• In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.
Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs
• One night Jeeto's boyfriend asked her: Darling, r u free tonight?
Jeeto shouted & said: Asshole, have I ever charged u before?
• Santa, unable to satisfy his wife, took Banta’s advice.
While having sex, he asked her: Do u feel any change?
Jeeto: Yes, today u r doing it like Banta
• Santa rape karan di koshish karda hai. Kudi: Tere rape karan to pehla mein mar javangi.
Santa: Aho mar jayin par kise garib de kam na aayin
• Santa di saali: Jijaji 500 Rs deo agley haftey dawangi.
Santa: Tu 1500 le, magar hune ge
• Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai
• Jeeto: Kal ek aadmi aya aur mere sath sex karke chala gaya.
Santa: Tumne use roka nahi?
Jeeto: Bahut kaha rukne ke liye, bola kal phir aaunga.
• Santa was sukin girlfriend's breasts.
Gal got excited n said: Tussi hor kuch chahney ho?
Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milangey?
• Doctor: You look terribly weak & exhausted! R u having ur meals three times a day as I advised?
Santa's wife: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
• Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.
• Pappu meets Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jaate!
• The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to fuck her in the ass.
Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.
• In interview, Santa was asked: Who's Monica Seles? A tennis player.
Ok, who's Monica Lewinski?
Penis player.
• Banta to his wife, Preeto: Dear, you are the best woman in the world. Yesterday I got convinced of this once again.
• Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.
• Santa: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind?
Wife: That you are a homosexual.
• Santa: Yaar meri biwi pani se bahut darti hai.
Banta: Achaa, wo kaise?
Santa: Kal mein jab ghar gaya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard ke saath baithi thi
Preeto: Listen ji, if u can hold it in one hand I'm not interested.
• Banta Complaining: U r so unresponsive, do u use cold cream between ur legs?
Preeto Taunting: U must be using vanishing cream between urs.
• Santa after interview: Everything went fine till the time he asked me for my testimonials. I guess I showed him the wrong thing!
• Santa: What is the similarity between a Bank & a Bra ?
Banta: Dono ke ander Jitna MAAL Jyaada Utna Interest Jyaada.
• Santa was teaching Preeto swimming.
After 2 hrs Preeto said: Tell me, will I really drown like a leaking boat if u take out ur finger?
• Jeeto: Doc saab, mujhe thode din bachcha nahinn chahiye.
Doc: Take this condoms.
Jeeto: Ye paani ke saath loon ya doodh ke saath.
Doc: Kele ke saath.
• Gal's father: Beta kya karte ho?
Santa: Ji samaaj seva karta hoon. Gire huon ko uthata hoon, bichade huon ko milata hoon.
Father: Woh kaise?
Santa: Ji Bra banata hoon.
• Banta: Ek white colour ka condom dena.
Shopkeeper: White hi kyun?
Banta: Padosan ka husband guzar gaya hai, afsos karne jaana hai.
• Doctor advised Santa: Dabaa ke doodh piyo.
Santa: Doodh to khoob peeta hoon per wohh dabaney nahin deti.
• Banta: Why are condoms transparent?
Santa: So that the sperms can at least enjoy the scenery!
• Banta’s advice: Don’t carry umbrella during Rain....keep WHISPER on ur head kyunki yeh ghanton tak geelepan ka ehsas bhi na hone de
• Raat ko ek ladki ne Santa ki car ko rukne ka ishara kia, Santa ne car roki to ladki boli: Oh, Im Sorry! Main samjhi taxi hai.
Santa: Main bhi yehi samjha tha.
• Banta: Was ur wife a virgin when u married?
Santa: I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no.
• Preeto comes nude in front of the guests while serving the halwa.
Banta shouts: What’s this?
Preeto: Recipe book me likha tha ‘Serve hot without dressing’
• Santa: What food u feed ur new born baby?
Beautiful Young Mom: Breast milk & orange juice.
Sardar: Oye, Which side is orange juice?
• Santa: Qutub minar kahan hai?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se nikla karo.
Pappu: Shyam Lal kaun hai?
Santa: Pata nahi.
Pappu: Kabhi Ghar pe bhi raha karo.
• Santa ne apni sagaai tod di kyunki ladki virgin thi.
When asked why, Santa bola: Jo aaj tak kisi ki nahi hui woh meri kaise ho sakti hai.
• Dhobi police se: Banta ne meri biwi ki ijjat luti!!
Banta: Main press karwane gaya tha, dhobi ne kaha main khana kha raha hoon, istri garm hai mar lo!
• Preeto: Darling, aaj kuch aisa karo ke mere paseenay nikal jaayen!
Banta gets up and switches off the AC & fan.
• Santa: Bhai Saab ek condom dena. Meine girlfriend ko gift dena hai.
Dukandar: Is par cover chada du.
Santa, arre nai yeh to cover hai gift to mere pass hai.
• Doctor: I've got good news and I've got bad news. The bad news is you're showing signs of being a homosexual.
Banta: With bad news like that, what could be the good news?
Doc: The good news is I think you're cute.
• Preeto: I have to be damned careful not to get pregnant"
Jeeto: I thought your husband had a vasectomy
Preeto replies: He did!
• Call Girl: Wanna have sex?
Santa: Haan, lekin tum meri biwi ki tarah karogi toh
Call Girl: Vo kaise?
Santa: Free mein
• Pappu: Papa jab aap Honeymoon pe gaye the tab mein kahan tha?
Santa: Putar, jaate waqt tu mere paas tha aur aatey waqt mammi ke paas.
• In UK, Santa & Banta saw a poster at a Police station: Two White men wanted for Rape.
Santa: These bloody goraas always get the best jobs
• One night Jeeto's boyfriend asked her: Darling, r u free tonight?
Jeeto shouted & said: Asshole, have I ever charged u before?
• Santa, unable to satisfy his wife, took Banta’s advice.
While having sex, he asked her: Do u feel any change?
Jeeto: Yes, today u r doing it like Banta
• Santa rape karan di koshish karda hai. Kudi: Tere rape karan to pehla mein mar javangi.
Santa: Aho mar jayin par kise garib de kam na aayin
• Santa di saali: Jijaji 500 Rs deo agley haftey dawangi.
Santa: Tu 1500 le, magar hune ge
• Santa: Yaar tujhe bus mein thapad kyun pada?
Banta: Pata nahin yaar, meri photo neeche gir gayee thi, maine kaha behen ji zara saadi upar karna photo leni hai
• Jeeto: Kal ek aadmi aya aur mere sath sex karke chala gaya.
Santa: Tumne use roka nahi?
Jeeto: Bahut kaha rukne ke liye, bola kal phir aaunga.
• Santa was sukin girlfriend's breasts.
Gal got excited n said: Tussi hor kuch chahney ho?
Santa: Doodh naal biscuit milangey?
• Doctor: You look terribly weak & exhausted! R u having ur meals three times a day as I advised?
Santa's wife: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
• Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom saath le jaa rahi hai.
• Pappu meets Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe jaate!
• The wife was crying in pain as Banta was tryin to fuck her in the ass.
Banta says: Zyada rone ki zaroorat nahin, mujhe pata hai kitna dard hota hai.
• In interview, Santa was asked: Who's Monica Seles? A tennis player.
Ok, who's Monica Lewinski?
Penis player.
• Banta to his wife, Preeto: Dear, you are the best woman in the world. Yesterday I got convinced of this once again.
• Santa: Main ghar jaate hi biwi ki panty utar dunga.
Banta: Yaar tu to bahut mood mein lag raha hai.
Santa: Nahi yaar mujhe bahut tight ho rahi hai.
• Santa: If I sleep with your best friend what will be the first thought to cross your mind?
Wife: That you are a homosexual.
• Santa: Yaar meri biwi pani se bahut darti hai.
Banta: Achaa, wo kaise?
Santa: Kal mein jab ghar gaya to wo bath tub mai bhi security guard ke saath baithi thi