santa banta

S

spidy1

New member
• Santa looked in the mirror & said: Seems I've seen him sumwhere.
Then he says: Oh yes! He's the same bastard who was standing next to my wife in my wedding album.

• Baniye shayar ne arz kiya.
Moorkh tha Shahjahan jo kar gaya kharcha itna TAJ par Kambakht, Har din ek nayi Mumtaz aa jati us kharche ke BYAAZ par.

• Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.

• Santa: Mere mummy ne kal murga banaya.
Banta: Kinu, tenu ke tere bapu nu?

• Master: Kaka tenu pata hai ki teri umar wich Gandhi Ji, BA kar chuke si?
Santa: Sir tuhadi umar vich Bhagat Singh faansi v chad chuke si.

• Santa kissed his girl friend in the park. Girl: Plz ye sb shadi se pehle…
Santa: Don’t worry darling, I'm already married.
 
• Bante di wife nu daaku chuk k ley gaye. Sarean ne keha daaku khatarnaak ne, khali haath na jawin wife nu bachaun. Banta 2-kg Amb ley Gaya.

• Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.

• Jeeto: Main tang ya. Tusi hamesha Mera Ghar, Meri car, mera beta, bus Mera Mera hi karde ho, kadi Sadda vi keha karo, hun almari vichon ki lab rahe ho?
Santa: Sadda Kachcha. 1

• Santa: Bhai, har roz murge nal roti khaidee hai.
Banta: Yaar, Oh kiven?
Santa: Ik burki aap khaidee aae te ik murge nu paayee di hai.
 
• Santa: Tere result da ki banya?
Pappu: Madam kehndi iss class vich 1saal hor lagna hai.
Santa: Pher theek hai, saal bhaaven 2-3 hor lag jaan, bass fail na hoeen.

• Ek kabutar ne Sante te bitth kar diti. Santa: Oye teri maa ne tainu kachha pauna ni sikhaya?
Kabutar: Saleya tu kachha pa k karda hain?

• Pappu: Dad what’s Sex?
Santa gets tensed but explains everything.
Pappu: But dad how do I write all that in this small box of school admission form?

• Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi kar Lena.
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!

• Interviewer: Aap kisi MAHILA mein sabse pehle kya dekhte hain?
Santa: O ji, wo is baat par depend karta hai ki woh aa rahi hai ya jaa rahi hai?

• Nurse- Congrats: Apke jurwa bete hue hain.
Santa: Ye to hona hi tha.
Nurse- Kyon?
Santa: Jab dekho KBC PART-2 dekhti rahti thi, Mil gaya na UMEED SE DUGNA
 
• Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.

• Santa apni girlfriend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jaata hai.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa: I'm falling in Luv

• Santa talking on phone.
Banta: Kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Santa: Biwi se. Banta: Itne pyar se...?
Santa: Tumhari hai.

• Santa: I'd like some Vitamins for my son.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C ?
Santa: Any will do as my son doesn't know the alb• A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished high school.

• In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent, whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36

• Miss U Miss U sab kahein, par actually miss kare na koi. Agar koi kisiko miss kare to fir SMS band kyun hoye!

• A Law Professor asks a Student: Which is the most imp LAW of Finance for Starting a New Business?
The Student replies: Father-in-Law
habets yet.
 
• A motorist hit a sparrow. He took d unconscious bird, put in cage with bread & water.
Bird wakes up, luks around & screams: Salakhen! My God! I've killed the motorist.

• M_rkh, St_pid, B_dh_, D_ffer, Bewak_f, Ghoch _, _ll_, Bhondu_, dekha... Everything is incomplete without ‘U’

• As u face a brand new day, bow ur head & say this prayer: Thank u Lord for having this amazingly gud luking sender. May his smartness increases everyday.

• A good friend comes 2 visit u in the hospital with flowers n goes.
A True friend sits near u n says: O yaar, nurse bahut sunder hai... aaram se theek hona!

• Q: Where do Indian batsmen perform their best?
A: In advertisements.

• Q: What is the Indian version of a hat-trick?
A: 3 runs in 3 balls.
 
• Q: What is the height of optimism?
A: Sehwag coming out to bat applying sunscreen on his face.

• What is the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Indian batsmen?
The walk back to the pavilion.

• Someone has kidnapped the Indian cricket team and demanded Rs 50 crore or else he would burn them with kerosene. Please donate. I have already donated 25 litres.

• Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip... take out your... book from your bag and study!

• Wat a RIP OFF! I saw a book in the store titled: 37 Mating Positions. I took it home, sat in my room,opend it. Damn it...It was a book on CHESS!

• Today if anyone praises U for ur beauty, nature, style, attitude... kick them... How dare they fool U before APRIL 1st.

• Aisa hai pyar humara, main kishti tu kinara, mai dhanush tu teer mai matar tu paneer, mai barish tu badal, mai rajmah tu chawal, mai hot tu cool, main April tu Fool...ha ha ha!!

• Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great, I know this is too much for u, so here is a shortcut - Just think about ME!

• Do u remember the day we travelled in a car? I put my dog out of the window, u put ur face out, then people started shouting 'TWINS TWINS'

• Tip to reduce alcohol consumption: Before marriage drink only on the days when u r sad, after marriage drink only on days when u r Happy!
 
• Bante di wife nu daaku chuk k ley gaye. Sarean ne keha daaku khatarnaak ne, khali haath na jawin wife nu bachaun. Banta 2-kg Amb ley Gaya.

• Santa: Main aur meri girlfriend shaadi kar rahe hain.
Banta: Wow, Kab?
Santa: Meri 7 Dec ko aur uski 13 Jan ko.

• Jeeto: Main tang ya. Tusi hamesha Mera Ghar, Meri car, mera beta, bus Mera Mera hi karde ho, kadi Sadda vi keha karo, hun almari vichon ki lab rahe ho?
Santa: Sadda Kachcha. 1

• Santa: Bhai, har roz murge nal roti khaidee hai.
Banta: Yaar, Oh kiven?
Santa: Ik burki aap khaidee aae te ik murge nu paayee di hai.
 
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