Santa-Banta COllections....

C

ch.anirban

Anirban Chakraborty
Furniture Business

Santa, a furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine. As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.

She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.

Till this day, the Santa has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!
 
Santa at Magic Door

Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one saturday. As they approached town, they were astonished by the sky scrapers.

Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing.

They entered a large building with an enormous lobby. The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for?

Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation. A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door, the door opens and the old lady enters a small room. The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits.

Astonished, Santa looks at his son while scratching his head, and say's, "Son, I don't know what just happened, but run fast and fetch your mother."
 
Beautiful models

Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.

Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"

Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"
 
Wife`s Birthday

Santa thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary.

He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to Jeetoo on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."

Jeeto was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when Santa came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"
 
Funniest Joke

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing.

Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death.

Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta.

Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot him.

Then came Jaggi. As he opened his mouth to tell the joke, Santa suddenly burst into laughter. Everyone was puzzled. Santa was laughing madly.

The boss asked him, "Why the hell are you laughing without hearing the joke?"

Santa said laughing and giggling, "Oh! How funny Banta's joke was!"
 
Archery Contest

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...

He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.

Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!

The second archer with a cape lines up in position.

He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood's arrow into two!!!

He takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!

Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position... He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!

It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... SORRY!
 
Santa and Banta in a jungle
Santa: lion ki aankh mein mitti daal ke bhagne laga aur banta khada raha
Santa: "bhag banta!!!"
Banta: Mai kyun bhagoon, mitti tune daala :)
 
Final Examination

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of "Yes/No" type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on.

Santa replies, "I'm rechecking my answers and I don't think I did very good."
 
Change of Mind

Ssanta once spent days looking for his new hat. Finally, he decided that he'd go to church on Sunday and sit at the back. During the service he would sneak out and grab a hat from the rack at the front door.

On Sunday, he went to church and sat at the back. The sermon was about the 10 commandments. He sat through the whole sermon and instead of sneaking out he waited until the sermon was over and went to talk to the minister.

"Father, I came here today to steal a hat to replace the one I lost. But after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I changed my mind."

The minister said, "Bless you my son. Was it when I started to preach 'Thou shall not steal,' that changed your heart?"

Santa responded, "No, it was the one on adultery. When you started to preach on that, I remembered where I left my hat."
 
Beer Bar

Banta walks into a bar for a bar and takes a seat. However, just as the bartender put the beer on the bar, there was a loud disturbance outside. Hey ran out to see what was going on but soon went back to drink his beer.

When he got back he found his glass empty and a note saying: "Thanks for the beer!"

Banta was a little ticked-off but ordered another beer anyway. Again, just as the bartender put the beer down a loud crash was heard in the street. Thinking that someone ran into his parked car, Banta runs outside to check on things. Seeing that his car was okay he returned to the bar and again found his glass empty and another note that said: "Thanks again, this was as good as the first one."

Well he still hadn't had a beer to quench his thirst, so he ordered another. Just as the bartender put the beer down, a series of shots were heard outside. This time Banta wasn't going to lose his beer to anybody. So he spit into the beer and left a note saying, "Enjoy, I just spit into the beer." He then ran outside to see what had happened.

When Banta returned he was delighted to find that his beer was just where he left it.

However this time the note said: "You enjoy, I spit in it too!"
 
Banta: Bade sharm ki baat hai main homosexual ho gaya hu.
Preeto: Wo kaise ?
Banta: I have sex at home only.
Preeto: Thank God! Main aisi nahi hoon
 
Jeeto: Sharm ani chahiye, tumhare Preeto se sambhand hai.
Santa: Sorry, par tumhe kaise pata chala?
Jeeto: Kal Banta aya tha usne tumhara Underwear pahena hua tha.
:lmfaoo:
 
Santa was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.
When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, Santa declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don`t charge me for food and drinks!"
So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, Santa began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food.
"Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked.
Santa picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
Then Santa took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting.
"And what is that dish?" asked the curious American.
"Wheat of India!" replied Santa proudly.
Finally, Santa took out some desserts. He offered some to the American.
"What is it?" asked the American.
"Sweets of India!" replied Santa.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud `Pooooooooot!` sound (fart) from Santa.
"What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust.
Santa replied coolly, "That`s Air India."
 
Santa was in Telecom deptt. before joining the army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor was very upset with him.
"What`s the matter with you?" asked the Drill Instructor. "Why can`t you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a telephone man," replied the Banta, "and I don`t know why I can`t hit the target. Let me see..."
Banta checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off!
"Well," Banta said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
 
Santa and and his wife, Jeeto, went to a fair. Santa had never been on an airplane, was fascinated by a stunt plane and asked the pilot how much aride would cost.
"Rupees one thousand for 3 minutes" the pilot replied.
"That`s too much" said Santa.
The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I`ll make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make any sound at all, you`ll have to pay me the whole amount."
Santa and Jeeto agreed and went for a thrilling ride.
After they landed, the pilot said to Santa, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."
"Maybe so," said Santa, "but I gotta tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."
 
Banta is looking to buy a saw to cut down some trees in his back yard. He goes to a chainsaw shop and asks about various chainsaws.
The dealer tells him, "Look, I have a lot of models, but why don`t you save yourself a lot of time and aggravation and get the top-of-the-line model. This chainsaw will cut a hundred of trees for you in one day."
So, Banta takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees. After cutting for several hours and only cutting two trees, he decides to quit. He thinks there is something wrong with the chainsaw.
"How can I cut for hours and only cut two trees?" Banta asks himself. "I will begin first thing in the morning and cut all day," Banta tells himself.
So, the next morning Banta gets up at 4:00 in the morning and cuts and cuts, and cuts till nightfall, and still he only manages to cut five trees. Banta is convinced this is a bad saw.
"The dealer told me it would cut one hundred cords of wood in a day, no problem. I will take this saw back to the dealer,"
The very next day Banta brings the saw back to the dealer and explains the problem. The dealer, baffled by the Banta`s claim, removes the chainsaw from the case.
The dealer says, "Hmm, it looks fine."
Then the dealer starts the chainsaw, to which Banta responds, "What`s that noise?
 
Santa was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife, Jeeto had been to him, and how fortunate he was to have her.
He asked God, "Why did you make her so kind hearted?"
The Lord responded, "So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good looking?"
"So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
Santa thought about this. Then he said, "I don`t mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but why did you make her so stupid?"
"So she could love you, my son."
 
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