RAK_life Insurance...an ashes to riches story-possibly

Please answer the following Honestly........

Are you on your deathbed ?

Are you a smoker / hukkebaaz / chutkibaaz ?

Are you mountaineering ; high on coke ?

Are you going to tell your post-natal wife ; she's fat ?

Are you in A.Raja's and Kalmadi's Mutual friend list on Facebook?

If you answered yes to anyone of the above ; rejoice. You are hereby insured by RAK life insurance. It is a start up venture that employs many LIC agents in the dark nukkads and Khopchas (alleys) of our country and empowers them to make a difference in a country where 3000 crores vanish before you can even properly wink and the new telecom minister blames not his predecessor but an alliance of Lotus bearers , now Lota bearers.

1 .The task is so simple . Just register with LIC as an agent . It's easier than going into a pharmacy and asking for a Chattri. You will never be mis-directed to the nearby hardware shop. There are no euphemisms at work in the LIC office. Fill up the form and become the change you want to be!!! Obama_ishtyle.

2.The initial thing you have to do is do some fieldwork. You buy a Phatichar splendour

and go around making GH-doctors your friends and sneak out his patient records. Seducing the nimble nurse may also work ; if you are up for it and have the charms,(no not the 1.5 iNR cigarette - the pheromone induced one)

3 .Then go to the patients' who have one foot in the grave and convince them that if the

family signed off a deed of paying you 20-30 % of the insurance payout, you will use the contacts

obtained in step 2 and forge/misinterpret information on he medical checkup form.

4. Now you are all set . Watch reruns of "How I met your Mother" , "Friends" and "Seinfeld"

or what the heck ....see "gossip girl" too. Till the phone rings.

5. Never be satiated .

6.Leave no cowdung on the ground while on rounds. Apparently its going to be worth

a lot as LPG now costs more than a standard date in a small town ( I have no idea of metros , sorry )

7. Once you have your due ; take up the phatichar

splendour , give it to your Bachha(a possible byproduct of step 2 ) and buy a Nano and take your Nani for a ride on it. Buy her an ice-cream or manchurian.

8. Insure your In-laws first.

9. Ask your wife to create a dharna , saying you beat her. Let the feminists gather on Kal-Tak and Parso- tak .The people will have Deja-vu when they see you again at their doorsteps and work the Bad boy angle on thefuture-widows.

10. Last but not the least , if this really works out ; remind me of suing you for violating my Intellectual Property Rights.

 

[Dhruv Bindhani]

This piece, framed as a satirical and highly provocative "business plan" for a fictional "RAK life insurance" startup, serves as a sharp and cynical commentary on corruption and unethical practices, particularly within the Indian context. While presented humorously, its core intent is to expose and critique systemic failures related to trust, regulation, and personal integrity.

The introduction immediately sets a dark comedic tone, using extreme and absurd scenarios ("Are you on your deathbed?", "Are you mountaineering; high on coke?") as eligibility criteria for the fictional insurance. This is a deliberate shock tactic, designed to grab attention and highlight the outlandish premises upon which the "insurance" is based. The subsequent punchline about "RAK life insurance" employing "LIC agents in the dark nukkads and Khopchas (alleys)" and empowering them to make a "difference" in a country where "3000 crores vanish" directly satirizes the real-world issues of corruption and unaccounted money. The jibe at the telecom minister further grounds the satire in contemporary Indian political discourse.

The "business plan" itself is a step-by-step guide to committing various forms of fraud and unethical behavior.

1. Registering as an LIC agent: This step cynically trivializes the process, implying that becoming an agent is deceptively easy and a gateway to illicit activities.
2. Illegal patient data acquisition: The suggestion to befriend doctors and "seduce the nimble nurse" to "sneak out his patient records" is a stark, albeit satirical, portrayal of blatant privacy violations and unethical information gathering.
3. Insurance fraud: The core of the scheme involves convincing terminally ill patients to sign off a percentage of their payout in exchange for "forg[ing]/misinterpret[ing] information on the medical checkup form." This directly outlines a criminal act of insurance fraud, highlighting the potential for exploitation of vulnerable individuals.
4. Complacency and further illicit gains: The subsequent steps – encouraging idleness, hinting at profiting from "cowdung" (a metaphor for exploiting every possible, perhaps even absurd, opportunity, possibly referencing agricultural or informal economies) – reinforce the theme of ruthless, opportunistic money-making.
5. Family involvement in fraud: The audacious suggestion to "Insure your In-laws first" and later to have one's wife create a false "dharna" about domestic violence to "work the Bad boy angle on the future-widows" crosses a line into deeply disturbing territory, satirizing the perversion of social justice movements for personal criminal gain.

The piece concludes with a self-aware, meta-commentary, where the author threatens to sue for "violating my Intellectual Property Rights" if the scheme "really works out." This final touch acknowledges the satirical nature of the content while reinforcing the underlying critique of a system where such audacious schemes might, theoretically, succeed.

Overall, the article uses dark humor and shocking propositions to satirize corruption, the exploitation of loopholes, and the moral decay that can occur when financial gain becomes the sole driving force, particularly within a context rife with reported scandals and economic disparities.