• I am a 15-year-old boy. My parents stop me from hanging out with my friends. I am a little confused if I should listen to my parents or follow my friends. I care for my parents and respect their opinion but I feel that I must be there for my friends too. My parents want to take me out but I feel bored. I can't refuse them as I fear I would hurt their feelings. What should I do? I am trapped between having fun with my friends and my responsibility towards my parents?
It's not about the responsibility to your parents or about having fun with your friends; it's about your responsibility to yourself and being at ease with yourself! Your parents have certain ideas about how they want you to live your life. They possibly see that the friends you want to hang out with do not fit that concept. Hence, the restraint. Firstly ask yourself if you agree with the ideologies that your parents want you to grow up with. Do their ideas seem so out of the ordinary and quaint? Secondly, are you merely wanting to 'hang out' so that you may be accepted and looked upon as 'cool'? Many times we succumb to peer pressure only because we don't want to be alone. So, we give up our ideologies, to 'conform' to what is expected, do things that we'd otherwise never think of, only to realise that we've lost ourselves and become something that we never wanted to be. Hating ourselves for what we've become, we feel trapped between 'fun' with friends on one hand and our principles on the other. Guilt for letting our parents and ourselves down becomes our permanent companion. And then all the fun evaporates from our life. As Emerson said, 'The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude'!
• I am a software engineer working at a senior position. I don't like my job because of the politics and leg pulling involved. I don't have much to do and the job isn't helping me build a career. I am suffering from a physical problem and I haven't been going to office since November. I have become negative in my approach. I want to discuss this with my employers. But I am frightened and don't know what they will do. I am depressed. But I want to tell them everything and come out of this. What should I do?
You seem to be like a bird trapped in a golden cage! You hate what you do. You may have become redundant, yet you do not want to look at changing your job, probably because you earn a fat sum that you don't want to lose. You also seem to be hiding under the guise of politics and leg pulling. You aren't recognising that your diffidence is the real culprit in your inability to build your career. You are paying for it by sacrificing your physical and mental health. You better do some serious thinking about what you want from your life, since work encompasses ninety per cent of our existence. And every day we are faced with two roads – one of security but stagnation, the other of risk but growth! But to grow one has to change one's outlook. From defensive, protective living to experimental and corrective living. That will happen when you realistically assess your abilities, understand your temperament, and follow a line of calling that doesn't contradict either. Successful people are those who know what they do, believe in what they do and most importantly, love what they do!
Relentless competition at the workplace, managing family and relationships, bringing up troublesome kids… and getting on in life itself, can fray our nerves.
It's not about the responsibility to your parents or about having fun with your friends; it's about your responsibility to yourself and being at ease with yourself! Your parents have certain ideas about how they want you to live your life. They possibly see that the friends you want to hang out with do not fit that concept. Hence, the restraint. Firstly ask yourself if you agree with the ideologies that your parents want you to grow up with. Do their ideas seem so out of the ordinary and quaint? Secondly, are you merely wanting to 'hang out' so that you may be accepted and looked upon as 'cool'? Many times we succumb to peer pressure only because we don't want to be alone. So, we give up our ideologies, to 'conform' to what is expected, do things that we'd otherwise never think of, only to realise that we've lost ourselves and become something that we never wanted to be. Hating ourselves for what we've become, we feel trapped between 'fun' with friends on one hand and our principles on the other. Guilt for letting our parents and ourselves down becomes our permanent companion. And then all the fun evaporates from our life. As Emerson said, 'The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude'!
• I am a software engineer working at a senior position. I don't like my job because of the politics and leg pulling involved. I don't have much to do and the job isn't helping me build a career. I am suffering from a physical problem and I haven't been going to office since November. I have become negative in my approach. I want to discuss this with my employers. But I am frightened and don't know what they will do. I am depressed. But I want to tell them everything and come out of this. What should I do?
You seem to be like a bird trapped in a golden cage! You hate what you do. You may have become redundant, yet you do not want to look at changing your job, probably because you earn a fat sum that you don't want to lose. You also seem to be hiding under the guise of politics and leg pulling. You aren't recognising that your diffidence is the real culprit in your inability to build your career. You are paying for it by sacrificing your physical and mental health. You better do some serious thinking about what you want from your life, since work encompasses ninety per cent of our existence. And every day we are faced with two roads – one of security but stagnation, the other of risk but growth! But to grow one has to change one's outlook. From defensive, protective living to experimental and corrective living. That will happen when you realistically assess your abilities, understand your temperament, and follow a line of calling that doesn't contradict either. Successful people are those who know what they do, believe in what they do and most importantly, love what they do!
Relentless competition at the workplace, managing family and relationships, bringing up troublesome kids… and getting on in life itself, can fray our nerves.