"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
----------------------------
"I love cats... they taste just like chicken."
----------------------------
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
----------------------------
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
----------------------------
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."
----------------------------
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon."
----------------------------
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
----------------------------
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep."
----------------------------
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
..Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
----------------------------
"Montana... At least our cows are sane!"
----------------------------
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
----------------------------
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
----------------------------
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot!"
----------------------------
"It's as bad as you think, and they are out to get you."
----------------------------
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
----------------------------
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
----------------------------
"Friends don't let friends drive naked."
----------------------------
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
----------------------------
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
----------------------------
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
----------------------------
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
----------------------------
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
----------------------------
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
----------------------------
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
----------------------------
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
----------------------------
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
----------------------------
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
----------------------------
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
----------------------------
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
----------------------------
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
----------------------------
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
----------------------------
"I souport publik edekasion."
----------------------------
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
----------------------------
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
----------------------------
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
----------------------------
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
----------------------------
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
----------------------------
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
----------------------------
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a stick."
----------------------------
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic
particles."
----------------------------
"I killed a 6-pack... just to watch it die. "
----------------------------
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
----------------------------
"I'm a corporate executive, I keep things from happening."
----------------------------
"If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question."
----------------------------
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
----------------------------
"I love cats... they taste just like chicken."
----------------------------
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
----------------------------
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
----------------------------
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."
----------------------------
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon."
----------------------------
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
----------------------------
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep."
----------------------------
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
..Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
----------------------------
"Montana... At least our cows are sane!"
----------------------------
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
----------------------------
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
----------------------------
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot!"
----------------------------
"It's as bad as you think, and they are out to get you."
----------------------------
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
----------------------------
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
----------------------------
"Friends don't let friends drive naked."
----------------------------
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
----------------------------
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
----------------------------
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
----------------------------
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
----------------------------
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
----------------------------
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
----------------------------
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
----------------------------
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
----------------------------
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
----------------------------
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
----------------------------
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
----------------------------
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
----------------------------
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
----------------------------
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
----------------------------
"I souport publik edekasion."
----------------------------
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
----------------------------
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
----------------------------
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
----------------------------
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
----------------------------
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
----------------------------
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
----------------------------
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a stick."
----------------------------
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic
particles."
----------------------------
"I killed a 6-pack... just to watch it die. "
----------------------------
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."
----------------------------
"I'm a corporate executive, I keep things from happening."
----------------------------
"If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question."
----------------------------
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."