No Excuse!!!!!

V

vikram7879

Par 100 posts (V.I.P)
A High School English Teacher reminds her class of
tomorrow's final exam. She tells the class that there would
be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury
or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about
extreme sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and
snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles
sympathetically at the student,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Not an excuse. You can
use your other hand to write with."
 
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "He probably said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
 
One day at school a teacher said, "Class I'm going to give
you a question every Friday. If you answer it correctly,
then you do not have to come to school on the following
Monday."

The first Friday arrived and the teacher asked, "How many
stars are in the sky?"

No one was able to answer.

The next Friday the teacher asked, "How many fish are in the
sea?"

Again, no one was able to answer.

Then one student had an idea. He got two big bouncy balls
and painted them black. On Friday, before she asked the
question, he threw the balls in one of the aisles. The
teacher asked, "Who's the guy with the big black balls?"

The kid yelled, "Bill Cosby! See ya next Tuesday!"
 
A man attempting to set up his new printer called the printer's tech support number, complaining about the error message: 'Can't find the printer.'On the phone, the man said he even held the printer up in front of the screen, but the computer still couldn't find it.
 
A Blonde Babe walks into a hardware shop and asks the male assistant if
she could purchase the painting hung up on the wall.

"Would you like a screw for that?" the man asks.

"No, but I'll give you a blow job for that cooker."
 
Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?

Sardar angrily said, i know -

it means....

S - Sardaron ke

M - Mazak udane ki

S - Service


A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar- Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.


ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..

MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,

MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,

MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!
 
Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder than you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."

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Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
drinks took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.

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Once a Sardarji was going to his office.
On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt.
Next day , he noticed two banana peels and
exclaimed" ari , aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!
 
American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji " India mein to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hi hoti
hai...!!!"

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Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be
pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter
painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"

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What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .........

Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......

Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai

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Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?

Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal sey mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....
 
A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard ........

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still..... digging for more.

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Sardar found answer to most difficult question ever

What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?

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A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
. . . .. . . . . . . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.

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A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral > function, suddenly all relatives beat
him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"
 
Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the
branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

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Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth.................
WHY?

because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should
be light".

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SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY
KIDNEY....

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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.

U knw Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...
 
Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

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Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

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How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"
 
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya rahe honge....think.............

"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"

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What is the chemical formula 4 water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.

Teacher: what r u talking about?

Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.

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Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!

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Sardar ji Aapko logo ne kyun mara ? Sardar " yaar Meri Photo Bas main Gir Gayi To Maine Madam Se Kaha Zara Sadi Upar Karo Photo Lena Hai"

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Ek sardar Indian Flag lene shop mein gaya tha. Shopwale ne usse flag diya. Sardar bola: Isme aur colour dikhao!!!
 
Ek american ek sardar se kaha hamare yahan saadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai isper sardar bola kamal hai hamare yahan to sirf female se hoti hai

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A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order, Surdar:Murgey di taang kithe hai? Waiter:Woh langra tha.

Surdar: Dil? Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee. Surdar: Dimaag? Waiter: Murga SARDAR tha

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SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi
SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon

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This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji
replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata"

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Sardar ji is buying a TV
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."
 
Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

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What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

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What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

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How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

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One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way...

Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually? Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home. Friend: 'Is it!

Then, How did you come to office from home in the morning?' Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.
 
How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways?? He buys the ticket but doesn't travel !!!!!!!!

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BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!

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Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

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Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."

"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."

And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
 
One Sardar read a board "likhney wala briliant.....parhney wala idiot.." Sardar becomes engry, he rub the board and writes, "parhney wala briliant, likhney wala idiot...."

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Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

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What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

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What do you call an eternity?
Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.

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Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

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What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.
 
Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.

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Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

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How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

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Why can't Sardars dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!

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This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"
 
A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts."I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something."Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".

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"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".

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Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".

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Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."

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One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar
 
One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

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A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library
and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
took our phone book."

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A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to
observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."

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Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to
give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

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One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady
came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and
asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same
question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and
answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond
rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "
 
A call from ladies hostel at night to electricity office
" we lost the power send your men"
" No Man here, Use Candles"

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Then there was the 85 year old woman who found her husband in bed with another woman. She was so enraged that she dragged him to the balcony of their high-rise apartment and pushed him to his death.When she appeared in court, the judge asked if she had anything to say in her own defence."Well Your Honour," she replied, "I figured if at 92 he he could make love, he could fly too."

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Banat singh was working in a studio as a photographer. One day he went to a function to take some snaps. While filling the film roll in to the camera it dropped down rolled beneath to the saree of an woman. Sardar hesitated for a moment and approached the woman and said "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take the photo"




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There is a group of 7 Sardars who plan to meet their old friend the
President Dr. Zail Singh The Sardars decide to take a taxi. The taxi driver takes them to Rashtrapati Bhavan. The meter shows Rs. 28/-, so the taxi driver says, "You have to pay me
Rs.
28/-." Now, the Sardars have to share the cost among themselves and so they
decide
to divide the total (Rs. 28/-) by the number of people, i.e . 7.
This is how they do the calculation to arrive at the answer:
____
7 | 28 = 13 ( 7 x 1 = 7, 7 x 3 = 21 ).
7
--
21
21
--
0
-- The driver is exceedingly happy upon receiving Rs. 13/- from each of
the
Sardars. He thanks them profusely and the feeling of happiness is
writtern
on his face as he leaves them and proceeds his way. Seeing this, the Sardars feel that they may have made a mistake. They decide to ask Zail Singh about it. After all, the fellow was the
President of the nation! They ask Zail Singh to check their calculation of the taxi fare. Zail Singh ponders over the calculations and finally says, "See, I am
not
good at division. The process just boggles me but addition is something
I am
an expert at. Let us add all the amounts you guys gave to the taxi
driver
and check the result. This is how I do for those tax forms I get very
often. The process is slow but is sure." The other sardars nod their
heads
(?) in appreciation. The President writes as shown below and also explains as he writes on:
13
13
13
13
13
13
13
--
28
--
i.e. 3+3+3+3+3+3+ 3= 21 and 21+1+1+1+1+1+ 1+1=28 so this checks out. He then says, "Yes, it's correct. But I can also call my close friend
and
Finance man Banta Singh. Banta Singh arrives, and when told of the problem, he replies that
he
doesn't think it is a bad deal but says, "No problem! I will verify it
via
mathematical computation. I'll verify it with multiplication. That
is
the
best technique for this, you see!" While others watch in admiration, Banta Singh goes on to write as
shown:
13
x7
--- (7*3=21 ,7*1=7 so 21+7=28)
21
+ 7
--
28 This checks out as well.
--
Then he says, "This is really fine. There should be no problem,
President
Sahab. After all, it is correct in all the methods."
 
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