Stress Reliever #1
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your
picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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Stress Reliever # 4
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the
night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am ?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."
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Stress Reliever # 5
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
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Stress Reliever # 6
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
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Stress Reliever # 7
Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a
millionaire to?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
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Stress Reliever # 8
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
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Stress Reliever # 9
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.
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Stress Reliever # 10
Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are
sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!
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Stress Reliever # 11
Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.
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Stress Reliever # 12
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face
or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of
humour.
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Stress Reliever # 13
Doctor to his lady patient: You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are
you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?
Lady replied: Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.
9 Words Women Use
1) FINE.
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2)Five Minutes..
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3)Nothing.
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4)Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5)Loud Sigh
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6) That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7) Thanks
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.
8) Whatever
Is a women's way of sayingF@!K YOU!
9) Don't worry about it, I got it
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
